Roommates and INFJ

[say what]

I'm curious to know peoples' experiences with INFJs as roommates, and INFJs' experiences with roommates.

As an INFJ, I've only had significant others as roommates. I'm considering moving in with 3 other close friends (all girls). While we get along great, I'm worried that I would be exhausted all the time, and never be able to get recharge/alone time. Just wondering how other INFJs have dealt with living with others...and also how others have dealt with living with INFJs

 

[Akiko]

I've only had one roommate experience, and that's with my current roommate in college. It's been a mix of good and bad; mostly good though. She's a very sweet person and a bit shy; unfortunately, since our schedules are so different, we don't have the chance to spend much time together. She's easy to get along with. The only problem I've had so far is that she stays up far later at night than I do and talks to herself in Korean when I'm trying to sleep (she's from South Korea). Oh, and my room smells like Korean food all the time, but I'm getting used to it. So far so good. Being INFJ, I had hoped that we would develop a close friendship, but that hasn't been easy with our vastly different schedules. I usually get back to the dorm first and have a couple hours to recharge in the evening. Plus my roommate also seems to be a bit of an introvert, so we're comfortable with silence and doing our own thing when we're "peopled-out".

If you move in and find yourself getting drained being around three other people all the time, there are ways to find private time. For instance, soaking in the bath tub for half an hour, going on a walk by yourself, lying down in your room with headphones on and music playing, etc. Would you be sharing a room with anyone, or would you have your own? That could make it more or less challenging to find alone time.

 

[say what]

I've only had one roommate experience, and that's with my current roommate in college. It's been a mix of good and bad; mostly good though. She's a very sweet person and a bit shy; unfortunately, since our schedules are so different, we don't have the chance to spend much time together. She's easy to get along with. The only problem I've had so far is that she stays up far later at night than I do and talks to herself in Korean when I'm trying to sleep (she's from South Korea). Oh, and my room smells like Korean food all the time, but I'm getting used to it. So far so good. Being INFJ, I had hoped that we would develop a close friendship, but that hasn't been easy with our vastly different schedules. I usually get back to the dorm first and have a couple hours to recharge in the evening. Plus my roommate also seems to be a bit of an introvert, so we're comfortable with silence and doing our own thing when we're "peopled-out".

If you move in and find yourself getting drained being around three other people all the time, there are ways to find private time. For instance, soaking in the bath tub for half an hour, going on a walk by yourself, lying down in your room with headphones on and music playing, etc. Would you be sharing a room with anyone, or would you have your own? That could make it more or less challenging to find alone time.

We're considering renting a large house. My concern is that I would find if great for a month...and then it would become intolerable. Haha! I might be horrible to live with.
It's a great financial decision..but might be a poor mental health decision.

 

[Sensiko]

friends take liberties and that can be annoying when your pocketbook is on the line... like if one girl wants to move in with her bf and leaves you with the difference... or if someone can’t make rent and you are left to deal with the balance... i’ve roomed with good friends in college and it had it’s ups and downs... it was fun but in the end i lost a friendship because of money... it’s easier to room with acquaintances imo...

if i were you i’d only do it if:
1. you get your own bathroom
2. negotiate a short lease
3. have a sit-down rules talk and get it in writing

 

[Flavus Aquila]

1. Have house rules that everyone agrees on.

2. Have rules about your personal area - eg. No one can knock on your door if your 'do not disturb' sign is out. If you don't have your own room, then find a space you can make your own personal space, even if its for only a couple hours a day.

 

[say what]

friends take liberties and that can be annoying when your pocketbook is on the line... like if one girl wants to move in with her bf and leaves you with the difference... or if someone can’t make rent and you are left to deal with the balance... i’ve roomed with good friends in college and it had it’s ups and downs... it was fun but in the end i lost a friendship because of money... it’s easier to room with acquaintances imo...

if i were you i’d only do it if:
1. you get my own bathroom
2. negotiate a short lease
3. have a sit-down rules talk and get it in writing

I wish there would be an option for my own washroom!

I'm lucky that we're all responsible and mature adults. I think (but don't know for sure), that we would all function okay together. We've been friends long enough to know how we all live with other people. I guess my biggest concern is if I could mentally fair living with so many people. I'm trying to decide if it would be a worthwhile experience, or if my desire to be the occasional hermit would make me miserable. I haven't really had the experience of roommates!

1. Have house rules that everyone agrees on.

2. Have rules about your personal area - eg. No one can knock on your door if your 'do not disturb' sign is out. If you don't have your own room, then find a space you can make your own personal space, even if its for only a couple hours a day.

I agree that personal space is key. I use to think I had to ignore my desire for alone time, that it was 'weird', but now I think it's essential for my ability to function. I live alone now, and I think it would be exceptionally difficult to go from personal space all the time, to personal space only some of the time.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I think you'll be surprised by how resilient you can be - and also, perhaps by some funny sensitivities that you might have to be more protective about.

I hope the living together isn't the undoing of some friendships - it can happen that way sometimes.

 

[Quiet]

ive lived with a lot of different people in many share house situations. Lived with friends, strangers and partners. The strangers ive lived with have always become friends. There have been no shortage of 'strangers' that have slept on my couch over the years either. In some ways, it is easier to live with people you dont know, as there are less expecations and it's easier to form boundaries. This can be more difficult with friends, but it can be managed if there is open communication.

Ive rarely had a room all to myself in my life. All in all it has been enjoyable. Privacy isnt as important to me as 'mental space'. But i feel that i can find space no matter how many people im surrounded by if i need to. Sometimes it was hard and id feel a bit crowded, drained, and chaotic. Especaily when i was feeling low or overwhelmed with life. In those situations id take a walk or get out of the house for a bit. I always apprecaite my alone time when i can get it, but i also really like spending time with people.

I live with my daughter, her dad, his partner, and my sister and her partner. We have guests that stay with us on a regular basis. And there are often babies and little ones around. We are a bit squished like sardines in a can sometimes. But i like it. Ideally i would like to live in an intentional community. Im moving to an area full of intentional communities later this year

 

[Grey Wolf]

Well for me, I have lived with others before and essentially, as long as everyone keeps to their personal space and keeps the common areas reasonably clean and everyone compromises, I have no problems

 

[say what]

ive lived with a lot of different people in many share house situations. Lived with friends, strangers and partners. The strangers ive lived with have always become friends. There have been no shortage of 'strangers' that have slept on my couch over the years either. In some ways, it is easier to live with people you dont know, as there are less expecations and it's easier to form boundaries. This can be more difficult with friends, but it can be managed if there is open communication.

Ive rarely had a room all to myself in my life. All in all it has been enjoyable. Privacy isnt as important to me as 'mental space'. But i feel that i can find space no matter how many people im surrounded by if i need to. Sometimes it was hard and id feel a bit crowded, drained, and chaotic. Especaily when i was feeling low or overwhelmed with life. In those situations id take a walk or get out of the house for a bit. I always apprecaite my alone time when i can get it, but i also really like spending time with people.

I live with my daughter, her dad, his partner, and my sister and her partner. We have guests that stay with us on a regular basis. And there are often babies and little ones around. We are a bit squished like sardines in a can sometimes. But i like it. Ideally i would like to live in an intentional community. Im moving to an area full of intentional communities later this year

It's great to hear that you've been able to find 'space' (even if it's metaphorically!) in such a crowded house! Perhaps I would adapt like that. Living alone allows me to easily escape and recover, but perhaps I would become more resilient in this situation and be able to find space without having to actually be alone!