[INFJ] Rejection... or not?

[Gelert]

Not entirely sure how an INFJ thinks and so would love to receive advice on what to do in this situation...

We knew each other for few months, and we have been hanging out every other day. I've told her that I like her a month after we met, and she said she's not ready but we stayed close. She's just gone abroad to study, and might not be coming back home ever; while as open as I am to move anywhere, I'm gonna be staying home for at least the near future. Right before she left, she told me that she likes me as a friend instead of a boyfriend. I asked why and what could I have done better, she said I've already done a lot and it's not my problem, but just her feeling.

So with my personality, I was thinking what was I not doing good enough - is it all set in stone now, like when an INFJ said we're friends then we're done forever? Were few months too short for her to make the decision, so she rejected kindly to prevent both of us from wasting time? What if I stayed consistent and continue getting to know her maybe as a friend in this coming period - is there possibility to turn the situation? Does she make the decision because she doesn't see the future, or would that change if I'm really moving over?...etc.

I don't mind waiting and doing all I could if the situation could still be turned around. Thanks in advance for any advice!

 

[acd]

Sometimes the chemistry just doesn't click for both parties. It's nothing anyone does wrong and it's nothing that needs fixing. Somewhere out there, there is a girl who will reciprocate your feelings and you won't have to worry about having to change to please her. So focus on your own goals and when the time is right, she will come along and you will wonder why you ever felt the need to change for this INFJ.

 

[Vigilance]

Dude.

She does not like you. Get it through your head.

Why get stuck in one woman?

There are plenty more women out there.

Do not attempt to wait around. If she liked you, she would've stayed. It's very hard to get out of the friend-zone. Let her go! Go meet more women! There are 8 billion people in the world. More than half are women. Lmao. If one rejects you so what?? There are many more who won't. I've been rejected many many many times before. I don't care. Hell, I got rejected last week by a girl I took out to the bar. Lmfao. LEARN TO NOT TAKE SHIT PERSONALLY OR EFFECT YOUR EGO. I don't give a fuck. I've found women who like me and who want to go with my agenda. Why focus on the rejections then?!

Just you posting this seems to imply you think too much of her. Never think about her again, ever.

 

[Vigilance]

Furthermore, after carefully analyzing your post for the second time, you set yourself up to be in the friend-zone by the way. I don't think you see what you did in your interactions.

I can explain in detail if you would like to know why....

 

[Pin]

Don't chase after women.

 

[Vigilance]

Don't chase after women.

Hell yeah. That's your first issue @Gelert


Learn to value yourself as a man first lol.

If all you want is sex, it's a simple numbers game. Depending on what you want, you go for it! If you want a girlfriend then you go for that. It's that simple, dude.

 

[Pin]

Hell yeah. That's your first issue @Gelert


Learn to value yourself as a man first lol.

If all you want is sex, it's a simple numbers game. Depending on what you want, you go for it! If you want a girlfriend then you go for that. It's that simple, dude.

Generally, if you can take a woman around the world, on a yacht, buy her clothes, take her to places (not that you necessarily should), you stand a better chance than a guy who asks her to split the bill and needs her to give him a ride to work.

 

[Vigilance]

Generally, if you can take a woman around the world, on a yacht, buy her clothes, take her to places (not that you necessarily should), you stand a better chance than a guy who asks her to split the bill and needs her to give him a ride to work.

What?

Where is this coming from.

I've asked chicks to split the tab with me on the first date from time-to-time to test how invested they are, not because I am cheap lmao. Besides it's not always a man's job to pay all the time. Some chicks fuss about it, and if they do well, I'll pick up the tab just so try can stop crying. Lol. If it's a cheap date I usually pay everything anyways or if I feel like they have proved to me that they are worth my time and extra effort by showing commitment themselves in other ways. Depending on how the rest of the date goes, I may or may not fuck with them afterwards if they say some dumb shit if I ask to split the tab. Most of the time if they say some dumb shit to me like "it's a mans job to pay" I just get up simply pay the tab and leave.

 

[Pin]

Besides it's not always a man's job to pay all the time.

A man shouldn't necessarily pay but he should always be capable of paying.

 

[Vigilance]

A man shouldn't necessarily pay but he should always be capable of paying.

Well-said.

 

[Pin]

Well-said.

Thank you.

 

[t56hg2bv]

I think you've had a good run with this girl and at the moment she's busy doing other things and not invested in you. If you really like her still then you should start dating other people. Send her a note every now and then asking about how things are going (be very brief), and if she finds interest again then you can always spend some time with her.

DO NOT, relocate your life for this woman. Work on you and then see where the chips land as you are doing you're own thing.

Like @Vigilance was saying you put yourself in the friend zone on day one. If I really like a girl and feel like she is into me then I will kiss her on day one (or sometime very close). By doing so you put yourself in a different category. If a woman is attracted to you then she will appreciate the confidence and both of you will likely know if there is good chemestry from that kiss.

 

[Vigilance]

I think you've had a good run with this girl and at the moment she's busy doing other things and not invested in you. If you really like her still then you should start dating other people. Send her a note every now and then asking about how things are going (be very brief), and if she finds interest again then you can always spend some time with her.

DO NOT, relocate your life for this woman. Work on you and then see where the chips land as you are doing you're own thing.

Like @Vigilance was saying you put yourself in the friend zone on day one. If I really like a girl and feel like she is into me then I will kiss her on day one (or sometime very close). By doing so you put yourself in a different category. If a woman is attracted to you then she will appreciate the confidence and both of you will likely know if there is good chemestry from that kiss.

Dude fucking thank you. Someone here understands!

You messed up man. It's okay. Like I said, go to talk to more women. Go talk to like 10 chicks a day lololol. That's 70 a week. You will definitely find at least one who will date you, fuck you, kiss you, etc...

Back when I was in undergrad and before law school, I once cold approached 200 girls in a week. I had a shit ton of time back then, and it was a boring week for me. 175 rejected me. 25 gave me their numbers. Out of those 25, some flaked and some were real. Out of those 25, I saw 7 or 8 of them again. That's pretty good!

Also if a girl says she is busy, its code for she's not interested.

 

[Pin]

DO NOT, relocate your life for this woman. Work on you and then see where the chips land as you are doing you're own thing.

Spoiler

A man can lose money chasing women but a man won't lose women chasing money.

Focus on becoming successful.

 

[Pin]

 

[Littlelissa]

What?

Where is this coming from.

I've asked chicks to split the tab with me on the first date from time-to-time to test how invested they are, not because I am cheap lmao. Besides it's not always a man's job to pay all the time. Some chicks fuss about it, and if they do well, I'll pick up the tab just so try can stop crying. Lol. If it's a cheap date I usually pay everything anyways or if I feel like they have proved to me that they are worth my time and extra effort by showing commitment themselves in other ways. Depending on how the rest of the date goes, I may or may not fuck with them afterwards if they say some dumb shit if I ask to split the tab. Most of the time if they say some dumb shit to me like "it's a mans job to pay" I just get up simply pay the tab and leave.

That's a pretty good way of ensuring any woman who wants to see you again after a first date like that has very shaky self esteem and will be prepared to take any crap. Well done.

 

[t56hg2bv]

That's a pretty good way of ensuring any woman who wants to see you again after a first date like that has very shaky self esteem and will be prepared to take any crap. Well done.

That depends on the culture of where you live and the socioeconomic group in which a person circulates.

 

[Littlelissa]

That depends on the culture of where you live and the socioeconomic group in which a person circulates.

I was referring to the tone of the whole quote. I don't think any of that behaviour has anything to do with that.

 

[seira0807]

...?

This all kind of sounds scary. Sometimes we are sad when we have romantic feelings for a friend and they aren't returned, and that's normal.

That's sad that you had to separate because she went to study abroad. A long distance relationship would have been difficult as well ....

It's difficult to know how someone really feels about you until time passes, and we can look back on it all.

Reminds me of a "Nice Guy" web series by Wong Fu Productions on YouTube.

Ummmm my favourite dates have been low-stress ones that simply consisted of a small, meaningful conversation walking on the way to or from somewhere ordinary