Reality crashes me (it's kinda long)

[soulseeker]

ok......i'm really really really really sorry for posting almost ALL of my problems

I don't have anyone else to say it to....

because NO ONE can understand me like a fellow INFJ can....

and nobody even wants to understand me.....

so here is another problem.....

last school year, wasn't the best school year i had....it is THE WORSE school year I HAD..

i've gone through a lot of fights (with friends, classmates, schoolmates, etc..)
but i've been through those with a friend who didn't leave me and was always there for me...
so it wasn't that hard

but......................
last school year, i had new friends but i'm still with that friend who didn't leave me. but then something happened and i'm left ALONE....

which means...... I HAD TO DEAL WITH IT ALL BY MYSELF...

WOW NO ONE!!!! AND I MEAN NO ONE KNEW WHAT I'VE GONE THROUGH....
I WAS DEPRESSED.......AND IT HAD MAJOR EFFECTS TO ME..

AND NOW...... I'M SCARED TO GO BACK THERE......

i realized how hard it is NOT to have a friend......all along i had MANY MANY MANY FRIENDS........suddenly.....

POOF!!!!!!! it's ALL GONE... ALL OF A SUDDEN......
BOOM!!!!

I'M LEFT ALONE.....and i had a lot of school problems(friends)
they all backstabbed me.....and i didn't know what to do....
i had to BE STRONG ( I DID LOOK STRONG....I REALLY DID LOOK STRONG........BUT THE THING WITH THAT IS.....I JUST LOOKED..... STRONG....BUT I'M NOT.... I HAD TO HIDE IT)

until now..... I CAN'T forget that feeling....... I STILL HAVE THAT IN ME...I JUST WANNA CRY.....I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.......i just wanna get LOST......away.......away....

BUT I CAN'T..........

i had a new friend.. and she's THE ONLY friend i could trust right now...but she has a group of friends and i can hang out with them...

but the problem is.. i can't just hang out with them ALL THE TIME.......
because i should also respect their privacy.....

so........ i know i have to wait till i find someone who could really be a friend to me....

this girl that i could trust.. she REALLY is a friend..... and a TRUE friend (i could really say that) but..... she has a best friend and a close friend.... so i can't be one of them that easily....

i know that it's good that i found someone to be with BUT.....
i'm used to someone to be my best friend... to hold on to... to count on.....
and not someone who has a best friend but i can hold on to and count on and trust etc...

it's A LOT DIFFERENT........

i just can't take away my feelings of being scared, nervous, and all.....

i just wanna hide and die......

*sorry for the long thread i just need to type it out......

 

[AUM]

All I can tell you SoulSeeker is that it will be better for you to forget the past. Start from zero and live each day like an opportunity to seek that you are looking for. For me the best way to have a best friend is to have mutual acceptance and trust in one another. Give this new best friend of yours reasons to consider you trustworthy, in other words, work hard and never think of failure. I know how loneliness feels and what it can do for you, DONT fall into that trap. So get out there and make new friends that will care about you and at the same time leave room for personal development. Don't befriend someone you do not trust and most importantly love yourself as much as you would love another person.

Sorry if this wasn't what you were waiting for but I hope everything gets well with you problems. Remember, there's no problems, just challenges.

Take care:wave:

 

[soulseeker]

All I can tell you SoulSeeker is that it will be better for you to forget the past. Start from zero and live each day like an opportunity to seek that you are looking for. For me the best way to have a best friend is to have mutual acceptance and trust in one another. Give this new best friend of yours reasons to consider you trustworthy, in other words, work hard and never think of failure. I know how loneliness feels and what it can do for you, DONT fall into that trap. So get out there and make new friends that will care about you and at the same time leave room for personal development. Don't befriend someone you do not trust and most importantly love yourself as much as you would love another person.

Sorry if this wasn't what you were waiting for but I hope everything gets well with you problems. Remember, there's no problems, just challenges.

Take care:wave:

thanks.. thanks for reading the long long weird crazy post
and thanks for the advice

i'm just sooo confused and alone
i don't know how to do this alone........
and right now..... i'm staring at the computer screen typing this..and feeling sooooo useless and worried....
and it is exactly 12 mn here......
i drank coffee......
and i couldn't sleep because i'm afraid to go up because there's this flying cockroach in my room and i don't know where to sleep now
ahhhhhhhhhhhh
i'm such a horrible person.......
i wish i wasn't afraid of cockroaches...... so that MAYBE i could sleep right now!!!!!!!!!!!

there's cockroach and my problem......wahahahahahahaha
i'm so pathetic!!!!!!!!!!

one more day to go.......and tomorrow...... i'm going to go back to that horrible self killing, self pitying , degrading. place called school

i'm sorry if this sounded like the things you would doodle on a paper
i wish the world was grouped into MBTI types.......

 

[Puck]

Awwww I hope the cockroach went away and you got some sleep.

That friendship situation sounds very complicated. It's not easy just to sit through it and hope for the best when it all seems so real and urgent to you at the moment. It sounds as though there have been many changes in the people within your circle of friends, and that can be hard to adjust to. From what I understood, you were once part of a group of friends, but then all but one of them did something to hurt you. The one remaining friend has other friends you don't know very well, who you don't feel comfortable around?

First off, I'm sorry your friends hurt you. I can relate to you putting on a strong front, but underneath feeling very wounded. I do that. I guess your ex-friends have no idea how badly they made you feel, but now they have crossed the line, you are no longer talking to them? Do you mind if I ask what they did? I just wonder if it's something you can work through and try to reconcile with them.

As for the remaining friend, if at all possible, you could talk to her when you and she are alone and express to her that you feel uneasy in her group of friends - that you don't want to feel like you are intruding. It will help her to know where you are coming from, and maybe to make you feel more welcome when you are with those other friends. If she is a true friend as you say, she will only be too glad to try to help you feel at ease in that situation. Or are her other friends the same ones who upset you?

Hope things get much better for you very soon.

 

[Jana]

I wish that I could show you my diary written when I was 16,17 We all sometimes feel lonely. Don't give up of looking for good friends, even if they won't be the best

 

[soulseeker]

Awwww I hope the cockroach went away and you got some sleep.

That friendship situation sounds very complicated. It's not easy just to sit through it and hope for the best when it all seems so real and urgent to you at the moment. It sounds as though there have been many changes in the people within your circle of friends, and that can be hard to adjust to. From what I understood, you were once part of a group of friends, but then all but one of them did something to hurt you. The one remaining friend has other friends you don't know very well, who you don't feel comfortable around?

First off, I'm sorry your friends hurt you. I can relate to you putting on a strong front, but underneath feeling very wounded. I do that. I guess your ex-friends have no idea how badly they made you feel, but now they have crossed the line, you are no longer talking to them? Do you mind if I ask what they did? I just wonder if it's something you can work through and try to reconcile with them.

As for the remaining friend, if at all possible, you could talk to her when you and she are alone and express to her that you feel uneasy in her group of friends - that you don't want to feel like you are intruding. It will help her to know where you are coming from, and maybe to make you feel more welcome when you are with those other friends. If she is a true friend as you say, she will only be too glad to try to help you feel at ease in that situation. Or are her other friends the same ones who upset you?

Hope things get much better for you very soon.

yeah i hate cockroaches........ yesterday i ACCIDENTALLY stepped on one...and i heard that annoying crunching sound ugh!!!!! and i saw the white blood coming out from it......

actually...it was only me and my close friend at first
then we had more friends (we became a group)
then then there was this friend (who is a part of our group = so she's kinda new to me and my close friend)
that friend is the meanest person i've ever known!!!!!

it's actually ONE did something that hurt me...

well the ordinary backstabbing comes along.....within my group of friends (she tells them fake stories about me and my family).. then she pretends that i'm still her friend and everything although i know she's not...... well basically, she's a backstabbing horrible b****
she judges everybody too much she's a hypocrite
i don't know she's just MEAN i don't get her....
then she told our other friends lies about me and suddenly.... i came up to them once (before i came they were laughing and all) then when i came ... they all stared at me like..... WTH are you doing here look......

so...... I found a new friend (the one that i can trust.. ) and i'm hanging out with her and her group of friends......

yes she can actually understand me..and make me feel comfortable...
but then... she has a best friend
so i can't take that away from them and all.....

yeah my older relatives say that wow HIGH SCHOOL is really like that..
i don't blame people for seeing it as something shallow
but it's different if you're in that situation and it IS HARD to sit down here and wait for a miracle to happen.........because im not even sure if it would happen

 

[Jana]

she has a best friend
so i can't take that away from them and all.....

i don't blame people for seeing it as something shallow

You don't need to take that from her, you see, friendship is not like love, you can have more than one very good friends

It's not shallow, it is your world , anyway, relationships with others are important, so it's good of you to think of them

 

[soulseeker]

You don't need to take that from her, you see, friendship is not like love, you can have more than one very good friends

It's not shallow, it is your world , anyway, relationships with others are important, so it's good of you to think of them

yay someone understood that it's not shallow

of couse i do not want to take her BF from her.. it's just that... it feels a lot different if you know that you have a BF and your BF also thinks that I'm her BF

it feels sooo much better.....

 

[Puck]

It's easy, once you're older to forget how bloody awful it was living through it. I'm sure your relatives mean well though, as I do, even though I'm a bit older and not going through it,I remember only too well.

Anyway, it sounds like you are best away fromn that spiteful girl. It won't make it easier to hear that probably she's jealous of you - that she wishes she was like you, but knows she's not and the only way she can make herself feel better about that is by putting you down. She's the loser in that situation, because she lost out on the chance to have a wonderful friend in you, through the manifestation of her fear and insecurity. If your other friends listened to her lies, then I guess you're better off without them too, but I understand how upsetting it must have been.

With your new friend, it makes sense to me that you don't want to step on anyone's toes and 'ruin' her exsting friendships, especiually after someone just did the same to you. But you're not at all like that nasty girl, right? So I think maybe you can embrace this new circle of friends and know that you are blessing them with your presence - bringing something special to add to what was there rather than taking something away.

 

[Jana]

it feels a lot different if you know that you have a BF and your BF also thinks that I'm her BF

it feels sooo much better.....

Yes, but it's not neccesary. Your friend can have BF1 (one that she/he knows longer) and BF2 (it's you, with all your precious infj characteristic, good listener, clever, emotional...).

 

[soulseeker]

It's easy, once you're older to forget how bloody awful it was living through it. I'm sure your relatives mean well though, as I do, even though I'm a bit older and not going through it,I remember only too well.

Anyway, it sounds like you are best away fromn that spiteful girl. It won't make it easier to hear that probably she's jealous of you - that she wishes she was like you, but knows she's not and the only way she can make herself feel better about that is by putting you down. She's the loser in that situation, because she lost out on the chance to have a wonderful friend in you, through the manifestation of her fear and insecurity. If your other friends listened to her lies, then I guess you're better off without them too, but I understand how upsetting it must have been.

With your new friend, it makes sense to me that you don't want to step on anyone's toes and 'ruin' her exsting friendships, especiually after someone just did the same to you. But you're not at all like that nasty girl, right? So I think maybe you can embrace this new circle of friends and know that you are blessing them with your presence - bringing something special to add to what was there rather than taking something away.

yap yap....i'm happy that her BF is way too kind....she's just tooooooo kind
she doesn't even see the fault of others in a lot of situations...

 

[Jana]

So I think maybe you can embrace this new circle of friends and know that you are blessing them with your presence - bringing something special to add to what was there rather than taking something away.

Nicely said...I wish I wrote it

 

[Jana]

yap yap....i'm happy that her BF is way too kind....she's just tooooooo kind
she doesn't even see the fault of others in a lot of situations...

Wait, you have TWO new kind friends!!!
Maybe reality has been also nice to you

 

[soulseeker]

Wait, you have TWO new kind friends!!!
Maybe reality has been also nice to you

yap yap i have two new kind friends.....
but since the other one does not really get what i tell her (because she's too good and can't even point out the faults of others)

i'm closer to the other one and i can share her my opinions and get advice from her

but then of course........I HAVE TWO NEW KIND FRIENDS
actually.....THANKS FOR MAKING ME REALIZE THAT

 

[Jana]

actually.....THANKS FOR MAKING ME REALIZE THAT

Anytime