Q for INFJs: How do you handle a feeling that you want to run away from or reject?

They never really subside for me, but I map them out inside.

For me feelings are less an event and more a place you go to. If I'm feeling strongly about something without end it's because I'm stuck in a place, like a mind maze. After a time 'the way out' presents itself. If I like, I can go back to this place at a later date; in this way, those feelings always remain. But having found a way out already it's easier for me to not get trapped.

But that's easier said than done. And my type seems to be murky?
What is it like for you? @lostENTP

 

You INFJs make things so hard for yourselves.

Feelings and emotions are teleological, their resolution is in an action, satisfaction, or achievement.

You won't resolve a feeling of hunger without eating.
You won't resolve a feeling of loss, without gaining a new thing/relationship/source of meaning.
You won't resolve anger without addressing the irritant directly.
You won't resolve "unrequited love" without acting on the attraction, or moving on to someone else.

Brooding over feelings is just that, and acting on them gets things moving.

 

You say "a feeling that you want to run away from or reject"—I guess these come in two forms: There are feelings that are simply unpleasant, e.g. the feeling of loss after being rejected by someone you admire; and then there are feelings that you want to "reject" because you find them shameful or irrational.

In terms of dealing with bad feelings, sometimes perspective-taking and talking things over with someone can you trust can reveal that the situation is not as bad as it looks and mitigate the bad feeling. Other times, life genuinely does suck and there is nothing you can do to magic away the bad feelings: you have to sit in those feelings and let them speak to you. Perhaps the minor consolation prize is that experiencing hurt, rejection, or frustration in our own lives better prepares us to empathize with others when they run into similar problems. And helps us not to act hurtfully.

But the vibe I am getting in your post—and to be clear, I had to impose a lot of assumptions to get here so I might be way off base—is that you are experiencing a feeling such as "hurt from being rejected" and you are feeling ashamed and want to push away this feeling, perhaps because you feel that it is selfish/burdensome to the person who rejected you, or perhaps because you worry that wallowing in the feeling will remind you of that person and deepen the sense of hurt. If this analysis is correct, then I might suggest first giving yourself permission to feel your feelings and ask which raw emotion is truly at the heart of this: is it anger? sadness? pain? Sometimes it is wise to ignore our feelings and try to act rationally, but other times it is wiser to engage with our feelings and put a name on them so that when they influence our decisions (and that's "when" not "if"), we can recognize it instead of being caught off guard by our impulses.

 

I doubt that this is all that type specific, but more to do with how emotionally healthy someone is to start off with. It's easier to see in terms of physical distress - for instance old and infirm folks are more vulnerable to a disease like COVID than young and healthy folks.

For myself, I find that time heals most of my life's emotional injuries, just the same as if I hurt myself physically, as long as the hurt is not catastrophic. For big injuries I need help, whether it's physical or emotional, and I don't think that need would be different from any other type.

If it weren't too INFJ for some to endure , I'd say that emotional pain can be a path to a greater insight into myself and my relationship with the world - a greater wholeness, if I can only accept and learn from it. That doesn't make it pleasant, but it can be a way that we grow.

 

Typical INTJ - don't let facts and logic spoil a good prejudice
I thought you made some good points but on this part your judgement is a bit premature at the moment, given a limited amount of input from actual INFJs so far.

 

Facts and logic don't help resolve emotional turmoil. Emotional resolution does.

You make things so difficult for yourself.

 

Absolutely - I agree. But I wasn't talking about that.

That's the non-sequitur - a judgement in the absence of any evidence in the thread.

 

I kinda felt this way myself but assumed SometimesYeah wasn't looking for debate about it.
But while we're discussing it, his solutions likewise felt presumptuous. That is,

Hasn't always or often born true to me. But it's interesting hearing his perspective about it too. Like I can see how somebody would function like this and it doesn't feel like a bad way of being.

 

Evidence in the thread? What kind of childish argumentation are you trying to make?

This is an MBTI forum. The evidence for INFJs retreating into mental brooding in response to emotional turmoil is plastered wall to wall here. The emotional support threads, the mood threads, the blogs, the anecdotes. This server could almost be seen as an emotional support site.

 

Really! It's a shame because you have some pretty good things to say in many of your posts, but it's spoiled by this sort of prejudicial language.

 

I'm going to guess that you're going to brood about me saying that INFJs make things hard for themselves for a long time.
Ironic.

 

Good heavens no . I think it’s rather funny actually and quite interesting. I rather like you my friend.

 

I know this feeling, being one of the only women in my engineering classes there was ample opportunity for me to fall for the guys around me. Most often they had no eyes for me, or had a significant other already. Meh. It's still fun to flirt, we can still be friends.