People Demanding Affirmation | INFJ Forum

People Demanding Affirmation

Discussion in 'Psychology and MBTI' started by Flavus Aquila, Feb 26, 2017.

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  1. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun

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    There's a bloody annoying trait/trend on the rise of people demanding affirmation. At every turn there's someone getting in the way with fake drama, or outright demands for affirmation that they're a good person.

    How do you deal with these pushy-needy pests?

     
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  2. Eternal

    Eternal Permanent Fixture

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  3. Ryso89

    Ryso89 Community Member

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  4. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun

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    Is there a less passive-avoidant option... a response?

    I'm wondering if confrontation, quizzing, explicit denial, or other things might be more constructive. Ignoring them just seems to prolong the process of their signalling/demanding affirmation.

    I want some easy go-to method, which will both work and not cause any exacerbation of the problem.
     
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  5. Ryso89

    Ryso89 Community Member

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    My response would be to either ignore or to confront, depending on how the situation affects me, my mood, and other factors.

    Or the sarcastic asshole reply, making an obvious note of it.
     
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  6. Professor Snep

    Professor Snep Community Member

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    Show them the errors (iyho) of their ways by asking why they feel that way. You can even go on by explaining your own views on that.
     
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  7. j654dgj7

    j654dgj7 Please delete this account.

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    Have nothing to contribute, just hope you notice me
     
  8. Elis

    Elis Community Member

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    Everyone seek affirmation, it isn't all bad. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it wrong, but with that said I agree that it can be constructive to talk about these things. Sometimes we don't realize what we're doing, or how it affects others.
     
  9. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun

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    So do you have anything to contribute?
     
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  10. Elis

    Elis Community Member

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    lol, I'm pretty sure I just did silly.

    Or rather, let me phrase it this way, you're right now looking for confirmation in a kind of biased way, and I'm telling you - it isn't all black and white, I'm - much like you are (?) - trying to tell someone that there is more than one perspective on this
     
  11. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun

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    Looking for practical techniques, more than a mental perspective. Part of the problem is that I don't know what drives affirmation seeking... but I suspect it is something I'm not keen to cultivate in the other person.

    On the surface, I find it rude to be drawn into someone else's issues or a level of relationship that isn't appropriate. However, I get by intuition, that there's something bordering on crazy with affirmation seeking strangers. It's not just bad manners, so I'm after some sure-fire tips for dealing with the situation without much thought, time, or attention... In a non-counterproductive way.
     
  12. acd

    acd baba yaga
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    By redirecting people to introspect and find solutions within themselves. We all have the inner resources to do this. This can be done gently and with love and encouragement, of course. Support people to support themselves--or empower them.
    Some may have more of a challenge in supporting themselves than others, I realize. I think people, and especially strangers who seek affirmation are avoiding looking inward. They want others to do the work for them or give them easy answers so that they can find relief. Maybe they just need a reminder that they are capable of overcoming whatever it is that they are struggling against. It hurts to confront yourself and work through a problem and acknowledge inconvenient information--though in the end, it makes you stronger..
     
    #12 acd, Feb 26, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2017
  13. Anywhere But Here

    Anywhere But Here What a lovely way to burn...

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    When a person over-exaggerates something ridiculous that has happened to them (basically the problem was created specifically to get attention) I have a hard time holding back my thoughts about it. Sometimes I will shut down, walk away, or go blank and bare the abuse until it passes (out of respect for the environment). Or, I call them out on it.

    Circumstances matter but if it is affecting you then you should do something about it. Calm and in control communication. State the problem to the person, give them your perspective, hear them out, and then see where it goes from there. It usually doesn't go well because people do not like to be called out on their shit. What you would be doing is pointing out a major flaw in their character and it hurts these individuals to know that someone sees them differently then how they have tried to portray themselves. You are telling them that they are not perfect which equals failure in their minds. So you should expect the tables to be turned on you (go in prepared) out of anger.

    It may seem harsh, but this is (at times) exactly what is needed.

    If the problem is affecting you or people that you care about, then you should act on moving towards a solution.

    My take.
     
    #13 Anywhere But Here, Feb 26, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2017
  14. Kgal

    Kgal Magic Star Dust
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    Their sense of identity is tied to that which they seek validation for. They are feeling unease within themselves in those moments as they present themselves to you. They seek another's confirmation of what they are thinking/feeling/going through to give them a sense of ease and belonging to the group.

    If you can get past your judgments in those moments of whether their drama is appropriate or not...the simplest most effective action for you to take would be to stop the judging - recognize they are caught in a trap of fear in their mind - and perhaps find a common locus upon which you can both agree - no matter how small or insignificant. Simply by actively listening you help a person move away from fear and in to calm. If so...then you can affirm the one common element between you and then move on knowing you have helped them towards ease.

    This action will then radiate out forward into their world and yours bringing ease to many.
     
  15. LittleLissa

    LittleLissa It's a journey

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    I think it depends on the context of the situation. It's over simplified to judge behaviour when the context is not known. Speaking in generalities can create black and white thinking on numerous topics.
     
  16. Eternal

    Eternal Permanent Fixture

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    +1
     
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  17. Eternal

    Eternal Permanent Fixture

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  18. Eternal

    Eternal Permanent Fixture

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  19. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    Give us a quote. Tell us what they said. We will come up with the most awesome replies you could ever want.
     
  20. Wyote

    Wyote ☼⚔☥☉⚂
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    People who are demanding affirmation are in some sort of state of suffering. You can choose to allow them to suffer and learn on their own, or you can try to understand their suffering and walk the path back to peace with them. It's up to you to figure out if you are in a good position to walk with them or not, and respect them if they do not feel comfortable traveling that path with another person. It's not appropriate to force or divert them down your own path.
     

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