overselling ourselves | INFJ Forum

overselling ourselves

Gaze

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So, our culture works under the premise that if you don't promote or sell yourself, meaning highlight your positive attributes, talents, or abilities, then you will not be recognized, noticed, and rewarded for your accomplishments. We are told that our best bet is to brand ourselves and in some cases exaggerate the positives to enhance our social resumes to achieve success at work, home, or relationships. However, where does it end? Are there cons to overselling ourselves? What are we losing by engaging in this form of forced narcissism?
 
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Hmm..great question! I need to think about this for a minute, but the first thing that popped into my mind was: is this different for men and women?
 
So, our culture works under the premise that if you don't promote or sell yourself, meaning highlight your positive attributes, talents, or abilities, then you will not be recognized, noticed, and rewarded for your accomplishments.

hunger_games_.jpg



We are told that our best bet is to brand ourselves and in some cases exaggerate the positives to enhance our social resumes to achieve success at work, home, or relationships. However, where does it end?

Hunger-Games-Lawrence-Katniss1-e1333571105805.jpg



Are there cons to overselling ourselves?

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What are we losing by engaging in this form of forced narcissism?

images
 
Hmm..great question! I need to think about this for a minute, but the first thing that popped into my mind was: is this different for men and women?
good point. It's usually expected for men to emphasize their goals and achievements, it's almost expected just because they're men. However, it is traditionally considered less appropriate or less feminine for women to self promote. This often affects wage negotiations at work where women don't speak up for themselves when discussing wages while men tend to sell themselves more, emphasizing more often why they deserve a better pay.
 
I'm curious about forum member's general thoughts or feelings on the issue or topic.

The first picture represents the hollowness of a culture of self promotion where the reward is that we end up unhappy

This culture is the product of nihilists

The second picture is where nihilistic cultures end with people being dominated by brutal forces

The third image represents the pain of a person trapped in such a culture and the final image is relating to how such a culture hollows people out leaving burned out shells that go through the motions of life not believeing that positive change is possible

Whats real...to you?
 
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The first picture represents the hollowness of a culture of self promotion where the reward is that we end up unhappy

Ah, ok. So, how do you think overselling makes us hollow and unhappy? Is it all bad or how we go about it that's causing us stress?
 
The first picture represents the hollowness of a culture of self promotion where the reward is that we end up unhappy

This culture is the product of nihilists

The second picture is where nihilistic cultures end with people being dominated by brutal forces

The third image represents the pain of a person trapped in such a culture and the final image is relating to how such a culture hollows people out leaving burned out shells that go through the motions of life not believeing that positive change is possible

Whats real...to you?

So we as a culture over-promote ourselves because we live in a nihilistic society?

Or is over-promotion only a problem within a nihilistic society, where as in, for example, a theistic society it wouldn't be a problem?


Also, what does "brutal forces" have to do with anything?
 
Part of true nihilism, to my knowledge, is detachment from forms of external influence. It stresses an importance of the true 'self'. I wouldn't think that mainstream society is very nihilistic at all, and I'm not sure that this example is a proponent of 'nihilistic culture'. Mainstream society stresses duty as well as adherence to one's societal roles. This isn't very nihilistic at all.
 
So, our culture works under the premise that if you don't promote or sell yourself, meaning highlight your positive attributes, talents, or abilities, then you will not be recognized, noticed, and rewarded for your accomplishments. We are told that our best bet is to brand ourselves and in some cases exaggerate the positives to enhance our social resumes to achieve success at work, home, or relationships. However, where does it end? Are there cons to overselling ourselves? What are we losing by engaging in this form of forced narcissism?
Forgive me, but I believe you got that wrong. It's not that the society wants you to highlight some good traits of your character, or anything like that; no, they want to form your character – that being possible, your very "soul" – and what you call "highlighting" is no more (and no less) than behaving accordingly to that social construct, to the image of the person they want you to be.

We can speak about attributes in themselves and for themselves and about displaying attributes so people will like you etc.; mind: there's a difference in being honest and acting in such and such ways so people will believe you're honest – but honesty doesn't necessarily plays a part in this last case, by the way; an actor doesn't need to be as honest as the character in his personal life, it will suffice to pretend to be for the duration of the play.

And we're speaking about plays here. Either you're something, or you're not. Appearing to be, or trying to be an enhanced version of yourself, is just acting. And if there's a difference about having some trait and striving to display it in such and such a way, sometimes the latter can even get in the way of the former: if you believe that deciding this way is the honest option, but most people would think the contrary, you would have a situation.

What's the problem of that? Well, someday will will have to choose, consciously or not. Just like in the above example, you have to decide which one is most important to you: appearing to be wise, truthful, kind etc., etc., or interpreting some social character they gave you. If you try to go long without deciding, being something at home, something else in public, you will literally become insane. And if you pretend you're something, someday you will think about the reason for choosing the public lie over the personal truth and maybe, if you're lucky, discover you've got nothing for all you have given – well, at least you will still have some praises.

So, let me sum it all up: by believing that good uses of intelligence are rare nowadays, it must follows that stupidity is the norm. And if that's so, and if you agree that stupid people tend to despise anything above them, it follows that they will try the best to recreate the world, and of course everyone, to their image. So they want you to be stupid like them, to seek the empty life they want for themselves, and they will turn your life into a living hell, if they can, if you don't comply. As for being yourself, you can always strive for some self-improvement; as for being the social doll they want, the only measure for improvement is "being closer to their opinion of what's the best", that being a closed system and there's no escape of it by accepting the rules. And since you can't be both things, following one path is getting away from the other. Then by being the enhanced superman, you're giving up the option of being yourself (and improving, if that's not good enough). By choosing this, you will become empty, truly sad, and you won't represent a quality anymore, but a quantity (no more than a number). These are the cons.

The pros? They kind of people that can't like you for what you are will praise you. Kudos, I say. :)

My best regards.

Part of true nihilism, to my knowledge, is detachment from forms of external influence. It stresses an importance of the true 'self'. I wouldn't think that mainstream society is very nihilistic at all, and I'm not sure that this example is a proponent of 'nihilistic culture'. Mainstream society stresses duty as well as adherence to one's societal roles. This isn't very nihilistic at all.
And what "true Nihilism" would be? Bear in mind that some Nihilists even deny the concept of truth, so it can take some time to ascertain what that means – and also, of course, "true 'self'". Also, you can find that Nihilism provides the core of much we have in the modern world without being all of it – not a good example in some ways, but think about some Heavy Metal subcultures.

But here, let's take this comment: "All you see here, in this world, is the result of mere chance. So why do you keep worrying about morals, about 'a good life'? What does that even mean? There's no such thing as that, 'cause you have no reference; the ones they give you are based in some untruthful Metaphysics. Forget all that! There's this life, then there's nothingness, and that's it. If you spend your life trying to be 'good', you're just dumb, because there won't be any reward. But of course you can pretend to be good – or anything to this effect – because they're mostly that dumb to believe in old morals (thanks to their education and/or a lack of some good thinking) and so acting like that will make them like you and will have two results, the most important one for you depending of your nature: a) they will leave you alone so you can live like you want, because will won't be just strange, but "strange, but cool", and b) they will the a source of pleasures for you."

Let's try to know the tree by the fruits; see if the way of thinking above can't be related to Nihilism (of some kind), then let's verify it the same words, even if not declared, don't appear to guide the modern individuals, it that's not the "'free' 'culture'" of the modern society. Choosing between "modern society isn't Nihilistic at all!", and "modern society isn't but Nihilism!", my position is closer to the latter.

My best regards.
 
It's unhealthy and it messes up your self-image. I don't necessarily think that it's only present in North American culture though. I think that it happens whenever lots of people have to compete for resources and opportunities.
 

I think it's more symptomatic of hope that's already been lost... I usually hate selling myself, but people don't pay attention to anything unless it's so blatantly in your face that you have to react somehow. Makes me want to start drinking all over again. Or sometimes, an attempt to cut one's self from picture as in: "I have no idea how to make this work, and it is very unfun. Here's me making a mockery of myself so I don't have to deal with it anymore."
 
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Ah, ok. So, how do you think overselling makes us hollow and unhappy? Is it all bad or how we go about it that's causing us stress?

The overseeling ourselves is just a symptom of a wider culture of competition which is unhealthy for people who are really social animals

We are capable of competeing but we are also capable of cooperating but at the moment our culture is imbalanced towards competition and not enough to cooperation

The dog eat dog mindset that our culture forces on us is really a reflection of the people at the top of society who engineer our culture...they are psychopaths or high on the psychopathy spectrum and lack empathy

Our society lacks empathy and that is not a true reflection of human nature but rather a reflection of the mindset of the people at the top who shape our culture (at this time)
 
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So we as a culture over-promote ourselves because we live in a nihilistic society?

Or is over-promotion only a problem within a nihilistic society, where as in, for example, a theistic society it wouldn't be a problem?

Also, what does "brutal forces" have to do with anything?

It is the 'brutal forces' which shape our society at this time. They engineer our culture because they hold the money and money is what shpaes our culture (at this time)

The mindset of the people at the top is a predatory one where the strong prey on the weak. This mindset they push onto our wider culture

For example if they use their wealth to create a corporation they then create a corporate culture that goes with it and that culture is the culture of the predator
 
I think it's more symptomatic of hope that's already been lost... I usually hate selling myself, but people don't pay attention to anything unless it's so blatantly in your face that you have to react somehow. Makes me want to start drinking all over again.

It's like getting slaves to puff up their chests as they're paraded across the stage at the slave market so that they will fetch a good price for their slave master

You show me how good you are (ie lie in your CV and cover letter) so that i can give you a shit job where i will squeeze your pay and exploit you

Its demeaning to the human spirit...we're not their slaves, we're not their human 'resources', we're not their dancing monkeys and they can go fuck themselves

The sooner people learn to re-assert their dignity the sooner we can rebuild this society the way it should be and the fat cats can put in their fair share of the labour alongside everyone else
 
When does selling become overselling?
 
When does selling become overselling?

The word 'selling' itself implies that money has a role in the whole process giving the whole affair the air of prostitution

But really the whole thing reflects a culture where each person is not appreciated for who they are and what they bring to the community but rather has to bend and contort themselves to fit the template of others leading them utlimately to a life of dissatisfaction and a sense of feeling trapped but not understanding why because there are no visible bars holding a person into those modes of behaviour
 
I remember when I first started looking for a job. I presented myself as a competent, hard working professional. After months of interviews and failure to gain employment I realized what HR wants is a sociopath. Someone who will lie about themselves for gain; who has the ability to manipulate and charm people to get what they want; who might be completely incompetent, but is able to make a good impression.

It's disheartening when you first see this, but to get to a place of financial security you simply have to accept reality.
 
I undersell myself consistently. Could be why I dont have a real job yet.