Our marriage is on the rocks...

[spudscoffee]

Hi All,

My husband and I have been having some squabbles lately that I think it is time for us to see a marriage therapist. He doesn't believe in this and stated and he won't go even if I decide to leave him. I really wanted to save our marriage and help ourselves. Is this a sign that he has already given up on us? How should I convince him to go with me to marriage counseling?

 

[James]

I think if you try this link it might help you.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

I think if you give some more details on what the arguments are, and why you think they happen members might be able to contribute. I hope you're ok.

 

[macerunny]

first of all, I'm very sorry about that. what kind of arguments are you having, is it something serious? If you want to save your marriage, one thing I can advice is to rekindle it. do you still have date nights?

 

[Lady Jolanda]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope you and your husband can get through this.

Do you know each other's attachment styles?
http://www.attachedthebook.com/compatibility-quiz/

And if the problem isn't in that area,

Do you know each other's love languages?
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

 

[Rin]

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better.

It'd be helpful if you can figure out the MBTI types of both of you. It has helped me and I believe it'd help you. The types makes us understand how different people communicate and see the world, so that'd help to bridge the communication style and hopefully solve the issues.

Personally, I don't believe in counselors as well. Most of them don't sincerely care to help us. Also, they're lacking the information and context to actually give us the solution.

 

[spudscoffee]

He's been very busy lately with work and I observed that he has been drinking a lot. Sometimes he comes home drunk and we get into a fight. I don't know if he has other problems because he is not telling me anything. I keep on asking him what's wrong with him, but he just blocks me off. I don't know what to do. Does anybody know about restoration counseling? I recently read it at this site and it's very promising.

 

[macerunny]

It's a sort of marriage counseling. There's no harm in trying but it would be better if both of you will undergo a counseling. I hope that you'll still be able to save your marriage.

 

[Icedream]

Well this is tricky, now isn't it?

Instead of asking him what's wrong, what I would do is ask "Is this the problem?" Eventually, you'll hit a sensitive spot, and you'll be able to help him.