only in hindsight do you realize it was the first and last time

throughout my life, there have been all too many times where i'd only realize in hindsight, the significance of certain social encounters or acquaintanceships.
usually, the realization would arise long after the fact and so i'd be left in agape disbelief that i hadn't seen the profundity earlier or made an effort to keep in touch with them.

for instance:



1) when i was working as a bartender, there was a woman working alongside me and we got along so incredibly well, i had no idea why after knowing her for such a short time i could connect to her so naturally.
it was only long after she left the job that i realized, after putting the pieces together, that she was most definately an INFJ.


2) before i dropped a linguistic anthropology class, there was a very quiet girl who i'd catch watching me. she was somewhat rumpled in her dress and had an ethereal quality about her with her long mass of woolly silver blonde hair. i remember a time where i accidentally caught her smiling at me and i smiled back (gosh this sounds so corny) and we had this quietly intense connection in that moment of eye contact.
before that, i had noticed her too and was intrigued by her uncanny ability to ask the most striking questions in class with a clear line of reasoning, often making her presence felt in a class who hadn't noticed she was there due to her quietness.
long story short, several classes after that i'd still feel that she was timidly observing me yet not making any effort to approach me. i didn't really think much of it at the time but it was only after i left the class i realized she was an INTP and likely an Enneagram 5 like me...


i haven't had the chance to meet/befriend any INXX in my life and so i was sad that i didn't see the potential blossoming of a friendship/relationship


okay so all that said,
Do you experience these realizations of sad 'aha' moments in your life?

 

thank you all for your comments!

i really appreciate them and don't feel so alone in this anymore. i wouldn't readily admit to anyone that i carry certain sentiments deeply with me to the extent that they pervade my unconscious always. i tend to be guarded as it still remains a sensitive area to reveal to others. this especially is because it involves a sense of gratitude/joy to have had those experiences along with a profound sadness that arises not from regret, but understanding the impermanent nature of things.

evalura, thank you again.

gloomy, it is truly a blessing to have that in your life and i wish you well!

Shaz,

yes, it's so strange when it happens isn't it? it almost brings you into awareness of the fact that it has never left your mind, but only so consciously

Azure Knight,

that's also the beauty of being human

Helpful Elf, yes amazing as i am terrible at remembering names, i do remember theirs as well as some others i've had this realization about. however, though some of them are on campus, with others, it's likely i won't see them again. Thank you for the advice, i'll let you know if something comes up

sedna, i agree with you in its prevalence within the realm of romance.

this i can relate to exactly. wow.
most of these encounters are intense and although until now i wasn't aware, it appears as if yes, i was overwhelmed but at the same time totally absorbed. encounters like these are few and far between so when it does happen, it's a very strong pull that also repels me at the same time. it's like a hesitance you readily have to test the waters when so much of the past has passively ingrained in you the thought to not give yourself fully lest you be stabbed in your open receptivity.