only in hindsight do you realize it was the first and last time | INFJ Forum

only in hindsight do you realize it was the first and last time

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by rainrise, Aug 3, 2009.

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  1. rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    throughout my life, there have been all too many times where i'd only realize in hindsight, the significance of certain social encounters or acquaintanceships.
    usually, the realization would arise long after the fact and so i'd be left in agape disbelief that i hadn't seen the profundity earlier or made an effort to keep in touch with them.

    for instance:

    1) when i was working as a bartender, there was a woman working alongside me and we got along so incredibly well, i had no idea why after knowing her for such a short time i could connect to her so naturally.
    it was only long after she left the job that i realized, after putting the pieces together, that she was most definately an INFJ. :(


    2) before i dropped a linguistic anthropology class, there was a very quiet girl who i'd catch watching me. she was somewhat rumpled in her dress and had an ethereal quality about her with her long mass of woolly silver blonde hair. i remember a time where i accidentally caught her smiling at me and i smiled back (gosh this sounds so corny) and we had this quietly intense connection in that moment of eye contact.
    before that, i had noticed her too and was intrigued by her uncanny ability to ask the most striking questions in class with a clear line of reasoning, often making her presence felt in a class who hadn't noticed she was there due to her quietness.
    long story short, several classes after that i'd still feel that she was timidly observing me yet not making any effort to approach me. i didn't really think much of it at the time but it was only after i left the class i realized she was an INTP and likely an Enneagram 5 like me... :(


    i haven't had the chance to meet/befriend any INXX in my life and so i was sad that i didn't see the potential blossoming of a friendship/relationship


    okay so all that said,
    Do you experience these realizations of sad 'aha' moments in your life?
     
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  2. evalura

    evalura Regular Poster

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    Perhaps they came into your life exactly as it should be. From a universal perspective, perhaps the learning was more important than the knowing. Perhaps you will know when you meet the next one, and this is the purpose.
     
  3. gloomy-optimist

    gloomy-optimist Used to live here

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    I've had a few here and there...but not so often. I've had the luck of knowing a lot of N types, and befriending quite a few xNxJ types...which I'm realizing more and more is a blessing
     
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  4. Shaz

    Shaz Community Member

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    my problem is more often that I'm too shy to go and talk to them... It's happened to me with a couple of girls back when I was in high school and another one recently... They're often very introverted themselves so that doesn't help. I had that thing with a girl a few years ago and sometimes I still dream about her. (I'm not a guy, just in case :p)
     
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  5. Azure_Knight

    Azure_Knight Community Member

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    There was someone at my college that I liked and wanted to be friends with. In hindsight, I should have spent more time with that person. I'm very sure that he was an INFJ, and that we would have been good friends. School and other things just kept getting in the way, and I was distracted with what I was going to do post college.

    I would have taken more of the oppertunities that were presented to me when I was younger. I would have also socialized more, and gone out of my way to get to know people better. There's still lots of time for all of that, but I think that this is my 20/20 hindsight view. Of course, who's to say that which path is better? If I were all knowning, I would examine all the paths available to me and choose the best one.

    But we humans don't have the luxury of doing that :)
     
  6. Puck

    Puck Perilous Pixie
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    Awww! Don't leave it like that. Do you remember their names? Have you tried facebook/other social networks? At least try to say what you want to say to them, or to keep in touch. :) Tell me if you have any luck. I love happy endings.
     
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  7. sedna

    sedna Community Member

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    Story of my life Rainrise.

    Especially in the domain of romantic relationships. It's only recently I've learned to be more direct when I see someone I like...mainly because I just don't want some person in my head weeks, months, years, A DECADE, (yes this actually happened) without any real, concrete physical attachment.

    In terms of friendships I've met very few INFJs. We connect instantly and separate just as quickly. Very bizarre. I guess in those moments I felt it was too much, since I never connect with others as fully. Like looking in a funhouse mirror.

    I'm an INTP magnet though. The wackier they are, the more they chase me.
     
  8. OP
    rainrise

    rainrise Community Member

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    thank you all for your comments!

    i really appreciate them and don't feel so alone in this anymore. i wouldn't readily admit to anyone that i carry certain sentiments deeply with me to the extent that they pervade my unconscious always. i tend to be guarded as it still remains a sensitive area to reveal to others. this especially is because it involves a sense of gratitude/joy to have had those experiences along with a profound sadness that arises not from regret, but understanding the impermanent nature of things.

    evalura, thank you again.

    gloomy, it is truly a blessing to have that in your life and i wish you well!

    Shaz,
    yes, it's so strange when it happens isn't it? it almost brings you into awareness of the fact that it has never left your mind, but only so consciously

    Azure Knight,
    that's also the beauty of being human :)

    Helpful Elf, yes amazing as i am terrible at remembering names, i do remember theirs as well as some others i've had this realization about. however, though some of them are on campus, with others, it's likely i won't see them again. Thank you for the advice, i'll let you know if something comes up :)

    sedna, i agree with you in its prevalence within the realm of romance.
    this i can relate to exactly. wow.
    most of these encounters are intense and although until now i wasn't aware, it appears as if yes, i was overwhelmed but at the same time totally absorbed. encounters like these are few and far between so when it does happen, it's a very strong pull that also repels me at the same time. it's like a hesitance you readily have to test the waters when so much of the past has passively ingrained in you the thought to not give yourself fully lest you be stabbed in your open receptivity.
     
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