Neutrality in troubled friendship? | INFJ Forum

Neutrality in troubled friendship?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Trifoilum, Aug 4, 2010.

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  1. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Damn it. First of all.
    tl;dr version :

    Personal version:

    now I have a problem related to that. Well, that starts it off....... I'm really uncomfortable divulging this but I need your help. I...I guess this is the kind of uncomfortable decisions I have to learn and.... ugh.
    Let's start by describing the situation......

    • I'm in a closely knit group of 4; a 3w2 ENTJ as the unofficial group, a 5w6 INTJ as the second hand, then there's a...enneagram unknown but most likely 9w1, ISFP, and me; a 6w5 INFX, as the....littlest one, in many ways.
    • Now, the ENTJ was...well, extremely pissed off with the ISFP. It's not the first, and I'm afraid this is the worst. The ISFP... She's "digging the hole I'm not interested to get her out of it".
    • And indeed; she's problematic.... well, she has problems. I won't deny it. Bullying family, being oppressed, and mother that arranged her to marry with someone she don't even like (culturally possible in my place, but yeah). And romantic problems. BUT problem is she didn't do anything to get out of it. No. NOOOO. NADA. All three of us had told, advised, yelled at her...but no. What she did instead was getting into.... escapism (via romantic roleplay, which...frankly kinda got into cybering.) and then self destructing (a-la Fi 'yes this is all my fault ;;;;A;;;;'), and then putting herself back, rinse and repeat.
    • I think the INTJ already distanced herself from the ISFP, in fact she'd also advised the ENTJ to distance from the ISFP, for good reasons. Me, on the other hand; still think that regardless of whether she could / couldn't be saved, she should be accompanied; I mean, that's her job to save herself, but I'd say it's our job to accompany her if she's down. (even though I'm finding myself facepalming at her)
    Now as I said above, The ENTJ, stacked with personal matters, were really burnt out with the ISFP. I feel --meh, it shows-- that sooner or later, this is going to end very messy. I'm honestly afraid of the ending part, but the messy part....concerns me. I wanted to stay neutral but a talk I had with the ENTJ not so long ago about a pretty similar situation (the context >> A disliked B and asked C not to invite B and C, who's supposed to be friends with B, agrees out of 'being neutral' but C still hangs out with A)



    Now I'm confused. I....really like to stay neutral this time; but there's a feeling that staying neutral >> not deciding, and that would offend her needlessly. And then I completely understand that in my own case, staying out of trouble here is only like running away from the responsibility of a friend. Running away out of fear, just to not seeing the car crash. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Should I dirty my hands?Telling the ISFP this would be a no-no, but should I tell her yet again to get her life back on track?

    The easiest way is to pick a side (most likely the ENTJ side, to be honest); but I really don't want to. But in this case, is indecision the worse decision?

    ...Wow, that's long. :(
     
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  2. beetpoet

    beetpoet Community Member

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    i don't really have advice for you, as you know your friends and possible results.

    i appreciate the dilemma though as two of my best friends are having a falling out. i've told both that i can't hear trash talking about the other ("he/she's an idiot! i can't believe you are still his/her friend!"), but that i will listen to feelings - like - "i feel angry" or "i feel frustrated because of ...".

    one friend seems okay with this arrangement. the other feels sort of betrayed each time i spend time with the other friend, or don't jump on the trash talking band wagon. but i feel like i made my choice to be neutral. i feel like i won't get as much trust and intimacy from my friend while this is going on, but i don't want to get it in that way.
     
    #2 beetpoet, Aug 4, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2010
  3. OP
    Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    Oh, this. the ISFP friend don't actually say anything (instead resorting to a, well, "I KNOW THIS IS ALL MY FAULT I AM A TRASH ;;;A;;;" kind of emotional blackmailing) but the ENTJ friend...well, too call it trash talking would be an overstatement, but... yeah. She saw the other's flaws and ain't afraid to tell it out.

    The bolded part actually gave me something to think about. Thanks! XD
     
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