need ManSpeak help | INFJ Forum

need ManSpeak help

Scientia

Scientia

A true lady
Aug 28, 2014
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I need help decoding some ISFP manspeak. I swear we are not even in the same conversation sometimes when we talk to each other. Please help me understand why he is mad at me.

He is much younger than me by more than a decade. I am married with kids and he is single but seriously dating someone and we work in the same field. I met him at a conference last year. We liked each other immediately and exchanged numbers. We have talks about philosophy, ethics and methods but not much personal stuff. This was our most recent text conversation.

Him: Help with something plz.
Me: of course.
Him: Do you have a copy of "Specific Book No One Normal Would Know" I can borrow?
Me: Yes. Want to swing by and pick it up? I can leave it for you.
Him: No, I want you to throw it.
Me: lol! Sure. Catch!
Him: Forget it. (Insert mad smiley here)
Me: why? Do you need it?
Him: no thanks. I will get a copy somewhere.
Me: Dude.

He never responded after that and I cannot figure out what that was about. It was three weeks ago. We have texted every couple of days since we met last year. The longest time we went without texting or talking was a week. We only hang out at professional meetings but really clicked and have had great conversations. I know he is mad but why?

Oh and I left him a vm a week ago asking him to give me a call. Crickets.
 
Last edited:
Superlative said:
I need help decoding some ISFP manspeak. I swear we are not even in the same conversation sometimes when we talk to each other. Please help me understand why he is mad at me.

He is much younger than me by more than a decade. I am married with kids and he is single but seriously dating someone and we work in the same field. I met him at a conference last year. We liked each other immediately and exchanged numbers. We have talks about philosophy, ethics and methods but not much personal stuff. This was our most recent text conversation.

Him: Help with something plz.
Me: of course.
Him: Do you have a copy of "Specific Book No One Normal Would Know" I can borrow?
Me: Yes. Want to swing by and pick it up? I can leave it for you.
Him: No, I want you to throw it.
Me: lol! Sure. Catch!
Him: Forget it. (Insert mad smiley here)
Me: why? Do you need it?
Him: no thanks. I will get a copy somewhere.
Me: Dude.

He never responded after that and I cannot figure out what that was about. It was three weeks ago. We have texted every couple of days since we met last year. The longest time we went without texting or talking was a week. We only hang out at professional meetings but really clicked and have had great conversations. I know he is mad but why?
Click to expand...


Sounds immature, self-centered and a bit shallow….but that is speculation.
Are you really bummed that he may not be your friend anymore?
Sounds like he maybe did you a favor.
 
Has he ever "swung by" before?
 
Skarekrow said:
Sounds immature, self-centered and a bit shallow….but that is speculation.
Are you really bummed that he may not be your friend anymore?
Sounds like he maybe did you a favor.
Click to expand...

That is not how he has been for most of the time but he has had his immature moments before. He is young. I do test people a little to see if they are worth keeping around. He did well, so now I am surprised by this.

I would regret losing a friend but you are correct. Maybe he is doing me a favor if he can be this ridiculous.
 
"ManSpeak?"

:m131:
 
Superlative said:
That is not how he has been for most of the time but he has had his immature moments before. He is young. I do test people a little to see if they are worth keeping around. He did well, so now I am surprised by this.

I would regret losing a friend but you are correct. Maybe he is doing me a favor if he can be this ridiculous.
Click to expand...

There could be something going on in his life that you are unaware of too.
Perhaps he is dealing with personal things and that has unfortunately put you on the back burner for now so to speak?
Some guys will never tell you their personal biz.
Certainly not how they are feeling if it is personal enough.
 
When a woman is naturally prone to reaching out to someone if she's interested, especially if she's genuine and wants to pursue something, some will likely see this needy or clingy. It makes them think you want them more than they want you. There is some truth to letting them pursue. Don't try to rationalize the person's behavior, because you'll only drive yourself crazy doing so. If he was truly interested, he would have made more effort to engage you. If it feels as if the attention is one-sided, meaning you show more interest than he seems to, then I would let it go. You shouldn't have to do a ton to deserve his willing attention.
 
Skarekrow said:
There could be something going on in his life that you are unaware of too.
Perhaps he is dealing with personal things and that has unfortunately put you on the back burner for now so to speak?
Some guys will never tell you their personal biz.
Certainly not how they are feeling if it is personal enough.
Click to expand...

Thanks. I wondered if that might be the case except he was in constant contact with me when his mom passed away. I don't know what could be worse than that but you are right - he didn't tell me much about what was going on. He told me months later that he was texting me during the wake.
 
Gist said:
When a woman is naturally prone to reaching out to someone if she's interested, especially if she's genuine and wants to pursue something, some will likely see this needy or clingy. It makes them think you want them more than they want you. There is some truth to letting them pursue. Don't try to rationalize the person's behavior, because you'll only drive yourself crazy doing so. If he was truly interested, he would have made more effort to engage you. If it feels as if the attention is one-sided, meaning you show more interest than he seems to, then I would let it go. You shouldn't have to do a ton to deserve his willing attention.
Click to expand...

It's a professional friendship. I can certainly live without it but I am still confused because it's not his usual behavior pattern. The truth is that I don't want to feel awkward when I see him in October.
 
Skarekrow said:
There could be something going on in his life that you are unaware of too.
Perhaps he is dealing with personal things and that has unfortunately put you on the back burner for now so to speak?
Click to expand...
yeah

I imagine that you have been conflated into whatever is actually bugging him. I would imagine that you probably symbolize something that he is lacking, friendship, a real connection with a SO... that might account for his abrupt withdrawal.

Might be better to let sleeping dogs lie, perhaps in time he will come back to his senses.
 
Stu said:
yeah

I imagine that you have been conflated into whatever is actually bugging him. I would imagine that you probably symbolize something that he is lacking, friendship, a real connection with a SO... that might account for his abrupt withdrawal.

Might be better to let sleeping dogs lie, perhaps in time he will come back to his senses.
Click to expand...

Oh yeah. I hate talking on the phone, so that voicemail was my last effort before giving up. I didn't want to leave it badly just in case I had somehow misinterpreted what was going on. It seems to me that it wasn't what I said but probably something else going on in his life. I asked all of you for your advice because I realized today that I am mentally putting him on the shelf.
 
I'm confused.
Why do you think he's angry at you?
I read it as he's just too lazy to get the book from you.
 
Superlative said:
It's a professional friendship. I can certainly live without it but I am still confused because it's not his usual behavior pattern. The truth is that I don't want to feel awkward when I see him in October.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry, I think I totally misread the situation. My bad. :D
 
say what said:
I'm confused.
Why do you think he's angry at you?
I read it as he's just too lazy to get the book from you.
Click to expand...

No, I read his response correctly. When he sent the angry emoji and said forget it, that was unusual. He never talks like that unless he is mad.
 
Superlative said:
No, I read his response correctly. When he sent the angry emoji and said forget it, that was unusual. He never talks like that unless he is mad.
Click to expand...

So..if you have already decoded it, why do you need help?
 
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As an ISFP, he possesses a dominant Introverted Feeling, thus he will often be motivated by his strong internal feeling. Is it possible that he's secretly mad at you, and he only texted you looking for an excuse to express his strong internal feeling of anger or displeasure? I think the line"No, I want you to throw it" really sounds like an open omission of displeasure. And if this conversation were a card game, I'd say that he's playing with a loaded deck. Because he directly leads the conversation to a place where his emotion (what I think sounds like anger) can be felt by you (the person HE chose to converse with).

It might just be me Ni looking too far into it. But that's what I see as a male INFJ.
 
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I'm clueless.
Why do we think he's angry?
Is the only basis of this an emoticon?

I honestly don't see anything there to worry about!
 
When someone says something like "No, I want you to throw it" that is often derisive sarcasm. He probably then says "forget it" because your friendly quip missed the mark and he maybe thinks you don't get it.

That exchange really looks like he had no patience for you at the time. As to how it got that way I cannot really tell from one short conversation.
 
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