mediating personalities in conflict | INFJ Forum

mediating personalities in conflict

Gaze

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How do you approach someone and discuss personality differences when it becomes a source of conflict?


And how do you do this without offending them or having them not take it personally?
 
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How do you approach someone and discuss personality differences when it becomes a source of conflict?


And how do you do this without offending them or having them not take it personally?

I think if someone has a messed up personality, then they should take it personally when you tell them how messed up they are.
 
get rid of the personality.

person (n)
9. A character or role, as in a play; a guise
 
Depending on the personality type the other person is, don't bring up personality type. I just say that we have fundamental differences in thinking. Type can be difficult to bring up because people may think that you're categorizing them, and blaming them for whatever trait. I think the best bet is to not even bring it up, but explain it in other ways.
 
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Thx for the responses. The point is not to be confrontational and not to use type to define anyone. My question is how to help someone understand personality differences so that they realize that when you do something, you're not doing something to be antagonistic or simply to be different. You simply have a different way of thinking, mode of engagement, and different needs than they do, and you simply want them to understand and respect those differences.
 
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Thx for the responses. The point is not to be confrontational and not to use type to define anyone. My question is how to help someone understand personality differences so that they realize that when you do something, you're not doing something to be antagonistic or simply to be different. You simply have a different way of thinking, mode of engagement, and different needs than they do, and you simply want them to understand and respect those differences.

In a way, you're are asking for a tool that will ensure enlightenment. I'm not sure if such a thing exists because if a person chooses not to be open, enlightenment will not happen. One must first be willing to change, before change can happen.

But if there was such a tool, I'd probably look into the indian talking stick. The one holding the stick talks and is question until he feels he is understood. Then the stick is passed to another. A sort of forced empathy.

But again, if they don't will it, it won't happen.
 
I learned in the business world, to give feedback in this form "positive, positive, negative, positive". That theory can apply to most any situation. Tell someone 2 nice things, then say the criticism that you wanted to give, then say one more positive to wrap it up nicely. Example:

(positive)
- You have nice teeth.
- I like those socks.
(negative)
- Asking me for a ride everytime that you see me because you don't have a car offends me, and makes me think that we're not really friends.
(positive)
- You look nice in that shirt.

Ok, so those were a bit sarcastic, but you get the idea. Try it- it works.
 
Thx for the advice everyone.
 
In a way, you're are asking for a tool that will ensure enlightenment.

Sorry, coming from a Zen Buddhist perspective, I just fell out of my chair laughing at that one line :)

I just picture someone holding a stick, whacking people and seeing an instant aura of enlightenment come over them. How easy life would be if that existed!!!

But anyway, yeah, something like that doesn't exist. I've found that those who need to listen to a message like the one the OP mentioned, are always going to be the ones turning a deaf ear.

If a conflict is of a personality difference in nature that escalates to a full scale conflict, you might as well beat your head against a brick wall until your skull splits open and call it mediation. They need to be willing to listen in order to mediate anyone and at that point, usually their ears turn off.
 
Sorry, coming from a Zen Buddhist perspective, I just fell out of my chair laughing at that one line :)

I just picture someone holding a stick, whacking people and seeing an instant aura of enlightenment come over them. How easy life would be if that existed!!!

But anyway, yeah, something like that doesn't exist. I've found that those who need to listen to a message like the one the OP mentioned, are always going to be the ones turning a deaf ear.

If a conflict is of a personality difference in nature that escalates to a full scale conflict, you might as well beat your head against a brick wall until your skull splits open and call it mediation. They need to be willing to listen in order to mediate anyone and at that point, usually their ears turn off.

yeah, but just to clarify. The conflict is mutual but more noticeable from my end because, although they may think everything is fine, it isn't. I'd like to be able to explain something about a preference without coming across as overly sensitive or making something out of nothing.