Making friends as an INFJ

miki

miki

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Hello, I'm new and awhile ago I found out I was an INFJ. :m075: (these icons are so cute!!!) Although I do think my past bad experiences has shaped me up to the person I am today.....

Anyway I have been curious for awhile and just wanted to hear your views about making friends and whether it's common amongst INFJ.

For me, I have always had trouble making friends, I made lots of acquaintances and a few close friends, but I never felt I made a true close friend - like I never felt deeply connected to any of my close friends. I am not sure if it's due to my private/complex nature or whether it's because I simply don't get along with anyone who doesn't have a similar personality or hobbies.

Please tell me your thoughts on this! :m107:
 
My dad once told me you can have a bunch of people you feel comfortable with, but you'll only have a few people in your life you can truely call friends.

This has always rung true for me, and I suspect it's the same for everyone else.
 
Welcome to the forums!

Personally, I find it's difficult to make true friends (that is, the kind of people you feel comfortable sharing secrets with or the kind with whom you're able to make a deeper emotional connection to). Acquaintances are easy. For me, it's difficult to make true friends because I'm a very private person. I suppose it depends on the person though.

As a word of advice, you really ought to look into cognitive processes. It'll probably shed some additional light on making friends and understanding yourself better. I'm not very good at explaining the connection between MBTI and behaviour because I'm not very well acquainted with it, but others will probably be more helpful.

You'll probably also want to look around for more info, as well as looking into this thread to try testing for your cognitive processes: http://forums.infjs.com/showthread.php?t=175
 
Thank you for your answers! I can relate to both of you, so maybe it's somewhat true. I will check out this cognitive test. :)
 
miki said:
Although I do think my past bad experiences has shaped me up to the person I am today.....

Please tell me your thoughts on this! :m107:
Click to expand...

What about the positive experiences of your life? Why havent those shaped you? Why so negativly minded?
 
hey welcome to the forums :) i have trouble forming close friendships too.. but mainly because I have problems trusting people. i could count on one hand the people i'd consider real friends in my life, and most of them i've known for years.
 
corndogman said:
What about the positive experiences of your life? Why havent those shaped you? Why so negativly minded?
Click to expand...

Sorry if I sounded quite negative. It's because I grew up around a lot of negative people (my previous friends and family) and I don't remember much positive experiences due to that. It was the period of my life that was dark - I was going through a lot of problems and issues. Hope that make sense. ^^;;
 
Hello and welcome! I'm fairly new to the forums myself.

I think your experiences are normal, and just like mine. I grew up with people always telling me that I needed to be more social and make more friends. I remember in elementary school during those parent teacher nights when parents got to meet your teacher it was always said that I was always very to myself and needed to make more friends and be more social. Even counselors would encourage me to make more friends. I was basically being told what they thought I needed to be, but I knew better. One can't just "make more friends" when he doesn't need it or want to. Of course later on in my life I realized that I was perfectly happy with my small group of very close friends, and overall solitude. I don't like parties, social events, "hanging out" with people I don't know well. I realized often I am my own best friend. And no, I don't think "that sounds kinda sad."

As of this summer I've been thinking a lot about my true Self, and in the process learned more in depth about the MBTI system and joined this forum. I am realizing how much of a "loner" I am, but how happy I am being so. I can't escape completely from the convention that being alone is bad. I admit that sometimes I do feel like something is wrong with me when I don't feel like to socialize or am alone for days at a time. But this is only a product of what society has told me. I am learning to ignore and reject it, and embracing my true loner self!

I hate to see it when societal views have beaten up people like me. I would suggest you thinking and realize what really makes you happy. If it's being alone, or just with your small handful of close friends, embrace it and don't let people change it.
 
Growing up, I didn't find out who my true friends were until my last two years of high school. I mean as a child, I had my peers and play mates, but as we became teenagers, they never were on the same page as me, never understood where I was coming from when I would come up with an idea, never understood my feelings, so I just cut ties.

The close friends I have formed now, are all relatively close to my type: Infj, Infp, Istp, Enfj, Esfj.

And the best part of it all, even after telling them my more scarier secrets, they still love and respect me and understand :)
 
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