Making Big Decisions

[David W]

Is this just me, or is it an INFJ thing?

I often take a long time to make big decisions, such as buying a house or a car, and get anxious about making the right choice. I check out all the options and want all the information I can get. Sometimes I take months to make a decision that others would make in a day or two.

For example, I've been looking for a new piano for quite some time now. I know what I want -- a certain sound and a certain feel of the keys -- and I have a budget. I've played many pianos and not found what I'm looking for. A piano is a big-ticket item and important to me, since I play almost every day. I bought a piano a few years ago and have not been happy with it. I want to get it right this time.

I fret a lot about the decision. How will I sell my old piano to make room for the new one? If the piano I'm buying is old, what maintenance will it need in the near future? Will I like it as much in my home as in the store? The list goes on. I can drive myself a little nuts sometimes.

Do others here have the same difficulty making big decisions?

 

[yokai]

Analysis-paralysis is fairly common; from what I understand, it's something a lot of intuitives share.
I know I definitely suffer it from time to time, stuck in a loop of weighing pros and cons. The trick is not to remain so stuck that the opportunity passes us by.
I find something I need / desire at the store, but I can't reconcile the cost.
I finally convince myself to get it only to return to the store and realize I'd missed my chance. They're sold out.
Oops.

More on analysis-paralysis in literature and more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_paralysis

 

[zxgjhnmfm659]

I have 2 ways.

First way,


I keep this as a sticky note on my PC. I created my own based off of my lofty spending habits in regards to fashion, feng shui, car mods, electronics, gaming peripherals, etc.

How much Utility is the item I'm using, meaning, how often throughout the day, week, month, year, lifetime will I use it.
How much Style does the item have, do I get the full set or is the idea of the one piece (or item) worth more than a collection.
How much is the Price, and does the cost and upkeep equal more than the price initial price over a day, week, month, year, lifetime.

Example:
Peacoat Jacket, Tan, Fall Style, $200
v.s
Bomber Jacket, Black, All Around Style, $150

Utility of Peacoat - Fall and Winter weather (2),
Style - Tan, has formal value, can be used with dress clothes, can be dress casual (2)
Price - It's one coat (1), $200 and could be washed but cleaners preferred (-1)

Utility of Bomber Jacket - Fall, Winter and Spring use (3)
Style - Black, can go with anything (1), provides informal use (1)
Price - its one jacket (1), $150 cheaper (1), could be washed, cleaners could be used but not needed (1)

Peacoat - 2+2+1-1 = 4
Bomber Jacket - 3+1+1+1+1+1 = 8

Bomber jacket has 50% more use v.s the Peacoat, I would most likely choose the bomber jacket.

The other method


Heads - one thing
Tails - other thing

It seems convoluted but it makes sense for everything I do personally if it's a big decision over $100 and a tie breaker needs to be had.

Fun Fact: For the longest time I thought I was an INTJ. You can see why, maybe.

 

[HJpAjcdO0X]

Is this just me, or is it an INFJ thing?

I often take a long time to make big decisions, such as buying a house or a car, and get anxious about making the right choice. I check out all the options and want all the information I can get. Sometimes I take months to make a decision that others would make in a day or two.

For example, I've been looking for a new piano for quite some time now. I know what I want -- a certain sound and a certain feel of the keys -- and I have a budget. I've played many pianos and not found what I'm looking for. A piano is a big-ticket item and important to me, since I play almost every day. I bought a piano a few years ago and have not been happy with it. I want to get it right this time.

I fret a lot about the decision. How will I sell my old piano to make room for the new one? If the piano I'm buying is old, what maintenance will it need in the near future? Will I like it as much in my home as in the store? The list goes on. I can drive myself a little nuts sometimes.

Do others here have the same difficulty making big decisions?

It's okay I feel you here. Everything and I do mean everything I think about in regard to decision making is with the future in mind. Will I regret this? What if this happens, and what will I do in the event if it does? I've been told I think to much by the more spontaneous types, and I have a hard time doing anything without prepping. Don't worry though, think of it this way.... You'll probably avoid making mistakes more often than people who don't think so much about final decisions.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

Is this just me, or is it an INFJ thing?

I often take a long time to make big decisions, such as buying a house or a car, and get anxious about making the right choice. I check out all the options and want all the information I can get. Sometimes I take months to make a decision that others would make in a day or two.

What Caitlin said about avoiding mistakes others make is true. We have to strike a balance between time and results. We'll make mistakes, that's inevitable. Some of them can be prevented with more time, but lost time is its own cost (which, you seem to know). Some can't be prevented at all. Some shouldn't be prevented, or we may not grow.

In my experience. High cost items are usually worth the extra time. I resisted pressures from family & friends about where to live and what car to buy for several months, because none matched my criteria for the set of circumstances that I had and thought could happen in the near future. Because of that choice, my monthly overhead was mercifully low during the past two years.

Your choice about pianos sounds important to you, and they aren't cheap. So this may not be the worst thing to think over. My question is, is this consideration (which is thoughtful) or hesitance (which is fearful)?

 

[David W]

Your choice about pianos sounds important to you, and they aren't cheap. So this may not be the worst thing to think over. My question is, is this consideration (which is thoughtful) or hesitance (which is fearful)?

Good question. I think it's mostly about resolving conflicting emotions. I put a lot of myself into the piano: I take lessons, practice almost every day, and often play for friends. I'm both attached to and frustrated by this piano. It has a clear, sweet sound, nicer than many much more expensive pianos. But it has a lot of resistance in the keys, which means that I can only play for a short time before my hands start aching and I have to stop and get an ice pack from the freezer. I love the way it sounds, but often get so angry that I want to drop it in the nearest river.

 

[Anomaly]

Is this just me, or is it an INFJ thing?

I often take a long time to make big decisions, such as buying a house or a car, and get anxious about making the right choice. I check out all the options and want all the information I can get. Sometimes I take months to make a decision that others would make in a day or two.

For example, I've been looking for a new piano for quite some time now. I know what I want -- a certain sound and a certain feel of the keys -- and I have a budget. I've played many pianos and not found what I'm looking for. A piano is a big-ticket item and important to me, since I play almost every day. I bought a piano a few years ago and have not been happy with it. I want to get it right this time.

I fret a lot about the decision. How will I sell my old piano to make room for the new one? If the piano I'm buying is old, what maintenance will it need in the near future? Will I like it as much in my home as in the store? The list goes on. I can drive myself a little nuts sometimes.

Do others here have the same difficulty making big decisions?

Yes. Part of this is due to Ne nemesis paranoia; the other part is Te trickster, and Se inferior.

These functions sort of spiral in these types of questions in an INFJs mind:
"Will I make the correct choice given all of the options? What if I am missing some key detail that would lead me in another direction? What if I end up dissatisfied with the choice, but I am stuck with it? What if I don't know all that there is to know about this thing, and what amount of 'knowing' is sufficient? Where is the end point, and how do I get there being content not to question it, but to enjoy it? What if what others say is true, and this choice really isn't the correct one? There are so many options, I feel lost in an expanse of options and possibilities. I know what I want, but do I know what I want? What if what I want isn't what I want, after all? What things do I need to know prior to getting this item? What experiences haven't I had yet in making this decision that I must encounter prior to deciding?"

To make a decision, I've started to weigh these options in the tangible, to get 'out of my head'. This is an application of Te, extraverted thinking, and I force myself to go ask the opinions of others, then I make a list of pros and cons and think on them. Next, I set a timeline of an endpoint to make the decision (sometimes this could be hours, or it could be weeks/months/years). Then, I force myself to be okay with whatever I have chosen. The point is to act; to spend less time pondering about the thing, and to get to the doing of the thing. If you spend all of your time thinking about living, then you aren't truly living.

Go get your piano, David. It's waiting for you to create music. Go do the thing.

 

[David W]

Is there a way to upload a sound file here? It looks like it will only accept a PDF.

Yes. Part of this is due to Ne nemesis paranoia; the other part is Te trickster, and Se inferior.

My understanding of these functions is a work in progress. What is Te trickster?

 

[Anomaly]

Is there a way to upload a sound file here? It looks like it will only accept a PDF.

I'm not sure. I would imagine you'd need to upload it to YouTube as a video, and then post the link.

My understanding of these functions is a work in progress. What is Te trickster?

The questioning of others' thoughts and imperatives, not sure of what they think, choosing instead what you 'know' to be true. Being unsure or wary of the consensual thought.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

Good question. I think it's mostly about resolving conflicting emotions. I put a lot of myself into the piano: I take lessons, practice almost every day, and often play for friends. I'm both attached to and frustrated by this piano. It has a clear, sweet sound, nicer than many much more expensive pianos. But it has a lot of resistance in the keys, which means that I can only play for a short time before my hands start aching and I have to stop and get an ice pack from the freezer. I love the way it sounds, but often get so angry that I want to drop it in the nearest river.

Well. Personally I would rather a different piano. I would rather practice something that I love with slightly inferior tools, than on better tools that handicap my time spent. Sometimes, we can learn to love the flaws a thing has and what they teach us. If not, we can rest knowing that maybe they're temporary. But that is me.

Unless it is helping me grow in some way. I tend to remove things from my life that make me "often get so angry that I want to drop it in the nearest river". Life is too short for that. And for something like a hobby, it teaches me how to hate something I formerly enjoyed.

 

[Anomaly]

I have 2 ways.

First way,
View attachment 81349

I keep this as a sticky note on my PC. I created my own based off of my lofty spending habits in regards to fashion, feng shui, car mods, electronics, gaming peripherals, etc.

How much Utility is the item I'm using, meaning, how often throughout the day, week, month, year, lifetime will I use it.
How much Style does the item have, do I get the full set or is the idea of the one piece (or item) worth more than a collection.
How much is the Price, and does the cost and upkeep equal more than the price initial price over a day, week, month, year, lifetime.

Example:
Peacoat Jacket, Tan, Fall Style, $200
v.s
Bomber Jacket, Black, All Around Style, $150

Utility of Peacoat - Fall and Winter weather (2),
Style - Tan, has formal value, can be used with dress clothes, can be dress casual (2)
Price - It's one coat (1), $200 and could be washed but cleaners preferred (-1)

Utility of Bomber Jacket - Fall, Winter and Spring use (3)
Style - Black, can go with anything (1), provides informal use (1)
Price - its one jacket (1), $150 cheaper (1), could be washed, cleaners could be used but not needed (1)

Peacoat - 2+2+1-1 = 4
Bomber Jacket - 3+1+1+1+1+1 = 8

Bomber jacket has 50% more use v.s the Peacoat, I would most likely choose the bomber jacket.

The other method

View attachment 81350
Heads - one thing
Tails - other thing

It seems convoluted but it makes sense for everything I do personally if it's a big decision over $100 and a tie breaker needs to be had.

Fun Fact: For the longest time I thought I was an INTJ. You can see why, maybe.

Interesting processes. I haven't simplified them to this form of efficiency, but these 'systems' of decision-making tend to be internal, as opposed to external, unless if I'm grappling with the determining of a decision which weighs heavily on my mind. These instances are rarely over the material, but more so the relational (how others will be affected by my decisions in the long-term). I appreciate your way of thinking about solving the more menial issues which might arrive in our daily lives. This is a good way of approaching these scenarios. : )

 

[Ren]

Fun Fact: For the longest time I thought I was an INTJ. You can see why, maybe.

I've seen 'INTJ' written over all your posts, not just this one.

What made you opt for INFJ instead?

 

[Ren]

Is this just me, or is it an INFJ thing?

I often take a long time to make big decisions, such as buying a house or a car, and get anxious about making the right choice. I check out all the options and want all the information I can get. Sometimes I take months to make a decision that others would make in a day or two.

For example, I've been looking for a new piano for quite some time now. I know what I want -- a certain sound and a certain feel of the keys -- and I have a budget. I've played many pianos and not found what I'm looking for. A piano is a big-ticket item and important to me, since I play almost every day. I bought a piano a few years ago and have not been happy with it. I want to get it right this time.

I fret a lot about the decision. How will I sell my old piano to make room for the new one? If the piano I'm buying is old, what maintenance will it need in the near future? Will I like it as much in my home as in the store? The list goes on. I can drive myself a little nuts sometimes.

Do others here have the same difficulty making big decisions?

Analysis-paralysis is fairly common; from what I understand, it's something a lot of intuitives share.
I know I definitely suffer it from time to time, stuck in a loop of weighing pros and cons. The trick is not to remain so stuck that the opportunity passes us by.
I find something I need / desire at the store, but I can't reconcile the cost.
I finally convince myself to get it only to return to the store and realize I'd missed my chance. They're sold out.
Oops.

More on analysis-paralysis in literature and more: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Analysis_paralysis

Yes, I suffer from analysis paralysis as well.

I oscillate between that and impulsive fluidity, lol.

 

[David W]

Well. Personally I would rather a different piano. I would rather practice something that I love with slightly inferior tools, than on better tools that handicap my time spent. Sometimes, we can learn to love the flaws a thing has and what they teach us. If not, we can rest knowing that maybe they're temporary. But that is me.

Unless it is helping me grow in some way. I tend to remove things from my life that make me "often get so angry that I want to drop it in the nearest river". Life is too short for that. And for something like a hobby, it teaches me how to hate something I formerly enjoyed.

It's not a simple decision. For me as a musician, getting the right sound is paramount. And there is something to be said for practicing on a resistant piano, in that it forces me to use the best technique.

I'm going out tomorrow a local university where they are selling off a bunch of their practice pianos. I'll have a chance to play a few and see if I like any of them.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

Good luck David W <3

 

[zxgjhnmfm659]

I've seen 'INTJ' written over all your posts, not just this one.

What made you opt for INFJ instead?

Yeah, because for that longest time, I trained my "insert whatever function is analytical and involves numbers and money" because when I took the test initially, a long time ago, I thought it read INTJ.

Thus, taking on the appearance of that personality for the longest while.

Until, later when I matured I took many, many different kinds of MBTI tests and ended with INFJ multiple times in a row.

I just don't need to project my soft, emotional side to show my character. It's there. Just have to look harder. (Or perhaps, look less) If it comes across as cold, it's because you (you're projecting, or) could put me in the category of Sigma INFJ (all memes aside).

Also I lived online for many, many years, I don't lose character or shape from internet to in-person.

I'm just not the softshell INFJ many others project onto us because it doesn't help the emotional toll we already have internally. Why display it, when you can work on it, refine it, and make it your weapon and armor?
-----

Back to topic, for my recent decision makings (I'm looking for a roommate) I developed another chart lol.

I'll post it when I get home. Lets just say, I don't mesh with just anyone and using data really does help.

The gut intuition and empathy is already a given; one needs to reinforce those ideas with numerical data pulled from the same source to make my decision more well rounded.

Can't trust your feelings all the time, you can say I've trained both sides of thinking and feeling already.

 

[dZpADTLrPmX4c]

<3

 

[David W]

when I took the test initially, a long time ago, I thought it read INTJ.

Many years ago when I first took the MBTI, I tested as INTJ, which I’m sure was wrong. I was working as a computer systems analyst at the time, so I wonder if that affected the way I responded to test, since that’s such a common type for that job. Now I test INFJ. Anyone else think they were mistyped because of their career?

 

[Ren]

Yeah, because for that longest time, I trained my "insert whatever function is analytical and involves numbers and money" because when I took the test initially, a long time ago, I thought it read INTJ.

Thus, taking on the appearance of that personality for the longest while.

Until, later when I matured I took many, many different kinds of MBTI tests and ended with INFJ multiple times in a row.

Yeah, I think that happens to a lot of INFJs with a developed T function.

 

[zxgjhnmfm659]

Many years ago when I first took the MBTI, I tested as INTJ, which I’m sure was wrong. I was working as a computer systems analyst at the time, so I wonder if that affected the way I responded to test, since that’s such a common type for that job. Now I test INFJ. Anyone else think they were mistyped because of their career?

For a bit of context, I remember taking the test on tumblr. Now that I recall, it was 100% INTJ. I remember looking it up, thinking "oh, I'm that?" Years pass, I check on a subreddit with other INTJs and thought, "What is this [non emotional] garbage". Then I checked on the INFJ reddit and thought, "what is this [emotional] garbage".

I figured I sat in the middle that day.

Assuming so, you reflect off of what you desire or do when you're younger or with what you're around.

As it progresses you learn to turn it off.

As you understand it, you learn how to manipulate it (on and off).

Once you've perfected it, you learn how to purposely reflect your own projections onto others to pull their mask off.

Once you finally master it, you never use it, and let people (reflect) project themselves onto you.

(it requires the least effort and generates the most effective results)

Welcome to Psychomancy 101.