Love and ISTP | INFJ Forum

Love and ISTP

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by beaze, May 7, 2020.

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  1. beaze

    beaze Newbie

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    How can you know if an ISTP loves you?

    I have an ISTP boyfriend he has said he loves me. He has practically moved in, and he hasn’t had a girlfriend in something like 11 years.

    That said we still fight sometimes and recently he said sometimes he wonders if he should still be here with me or if he should leave. He doesn’t leave though. We do talk it though and then he says, it’s worth it to keep trying.

    I realize we may be falling out of honeymoon stage, and his love was honeymoon love. So, wondering how to tell if ISTP love will or does last.
     
    #1 beaze, May 7, 2020
    Last edited: May 7, 2020
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  2. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    I am not ISTP, but close enough with dominant Ti and inferior Fe (those decision making functions)

    If he really loves you, he will let you know in some way. I don't think either of our types like commitment.
     
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    beaze

    beaze Newbie

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    Can you give me some examples of an outward expression of love?
     
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  4. ruji

    ruji Well-known member

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    Saying "I love you"
    I'm very straight forward
     
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    beaze

    beaze Newbie

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    Ok, and from that perspective, what would love mean to an ISTP, or is that more based on the individual?
     
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    beaze

    beaze Newbie

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    Also, how does an ISTP feel loved
     
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  7. Hostarius

    Hostarius L I G E T I C

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    Does this ISTP happen to be a human man, too?

    I'm not sure it's that complicated, beaze, just be your natural self.

    Or have a look at 'love languages' and compare yours with your fella's.
     
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    beaze

    beaze Newbie

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    Yes, host. lol. What is the reason for my over complication? Related to mbti or something else ?

    I did look at our love languages. We have some overlap.
     
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  9. Hostarius

    Hostarius L I G E T I C

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    A combination of 'Intuitive Overthinking(TM)' and your love and concern for the man.

    Both part of you and wonderful traits.
     
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  10. April

    April Well-known member

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    This is based on my experience so just keep in mind your bf could be a less typical ISTP... not all people of the same type are equal. But since you're asking... I've got thoughts to share ;)

    If he puts up with your shit (things he doesn't like about you) instead of running away... that's usually a pretty good sign from them. The thought of remaining tied to any situation is depressing for a typical ISTP. I've been with my ISTP for going on 7 years. It's his longest relationship, his second longest was a marriage of 3 years with a beautiful ENTP woman who he ended up hating (and finding unattractive) because she forced him into situations he hated.

    How he will feel loved? By you sticking by him when others have not. Most women get upset when a man just wants to play video games -or drown himself in whatever activity he likes- without being social or intimate with them. My ISTP is overwhelmed by too much attention and absolutely hates to socialize at all unless it's a topic that's interesting to him. The problem is he is so easily BORED and boredom is so awful for him he becomes easily severely depressed. So if you must tell him about your day, try to get to the point and don't make him suffer through endless droning with details he really doesn't see as important. I know this sounds harsh, but if he's anything like my bf... -he will be going crazy not even five minutes into that conversation unless it pertains to something he finds fascinating.

    This doesn't mean he doesn't find you fascinating... it's the mundane he doesn't like. Again .. based on my experiences.

    How to show you love him that he will appreciate? Do not hover, do not make him conform to anything, do not make him feel tied down, don't try to change him, make sure he has plenty of sensory activity like games, sex, etc.. and plenty challenges for the mind... things for him to "master" and figure out. You'll be surprised by his ability to pick something apart, single out any problems, and find a more practical/efficient way whether it's a system, a physical object, a relationship, anything at all really, it's just the way his brain works :) I love my ISTP bf's personality even though we have a few issues (who doesn't...) but I have learned how to accept and actually enjoy the fact that he does not need very much at all from our relationship because it leaves us both to be free to explore things we like separately while still being together. Picture me online on this forum or playing a game while he's watching Youtube videos about how things are made and playing his own game at the same time lol. We're together in the same room but doing our own thing. When he wants me, he comes to me. When I want him, I tell him, and he will spend as much time as his ADHD ISTP brain will let him before he's not stimulated enough and has to go do something else. :tearsofjoy: Unless it's sexy time... then he won't leave me alone lolol. But that's one of those sensory things I was taking about. He needs to be constantly stimulated in some form (except talking, especially about mundane stuff lol)... to be happy.

    :tearsofjoy::tearsofjoy: It seems Ive just told you how to make my bf happy but he's the only ISTP I'm close with, and except for the research I have done, this is all Ive got to go by so feel free to take it with a grain of salt hehe :)

    I could provide better detail if you explained some problems you're having. If you're comfortable with that. If you don't want to discuss in public feel free to pm me, although I'm anxious to hear others weigh in too!
     
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    #10 April, May 7, 2020
    Last edited: May 7, 2020
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  11. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    Love sure is something. In my opinion, words go so far but actions matter more. Loving action doesn't necessarily mean successful action but rather, action that was attempted for someone else's sake or the sake of someone's well-being.

    I just... I just don't know.
     
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