Jumping To Conclusions | INFJ Forum

Jumping To Conclusions

Keirouen

Keirouen

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Jun 3, 2014
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When someone you trust disappoints you/breaks a promise/hurts your feelings...

  • Do you give him or her a chance to explain?
  • Do you let yourself examine the situation holistically?
  • Or are you so hurt and upset that you only see your own pain and the target you've metaphorically pinned onto the one who hurt you?
 
I give a chance to explain. It's not always explicit (usually not) but it is there.

When I go off on somebody or something, it always secretly means "explain your shit right now while you have a chance". It's almost a test. Either they see through it and do the right thing, which means they are more on my wavelength and we become closer and more understanding, or they don't get it and possibly end up culled from my space, if it's bad enough.
 
sprinkles said:
I give a chance to explain. It's not always explicit (usually not) but it is there.

When I go off on somebody or something, it always secretly means "explain your shit right now while you have a chance". It's almost a test. Either they see through it and do the right thing, which means they are more on my wavelength and we become closer and more understanding, or they don't get it and possibly end up culled from my space, if it's bad enough.
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I very much agree with you on that, lol. I would also add on that if they are close enough to me, then I expect them to explain, and if they don't and I need to point out that they should explain, then it's harder on them. Probably a bit unfair on my part, but that's just how I am :)
 
sprinkles said:
I give a chance to explain. It's not always explicit (usually not) but it is there.

When I go off on somebody or something, it always secretly means "explain your shit right now while you have a chance". It's almost a test. Either they see through it and do the right thing, which means they are more on my wavelength and we become closer and more understanding, or they don't get it and possibly end up culled from my space, if it's bad enough.
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+1
 
In conflict situations, I do not voice any judgement until I have a reasonable grasp on the perspectives of the people involved.

sprinkles said:
I give a chance to explain. It's not always explicit (usually not) but it is there.
Click to expand...

See that right there is something that I'm tempted to do. But I refrain from doing so because of the communication issues that will arise. Implicit communication would be ideal, since I value unspoken understanding. But I know that most people are not like-minded as me. I will literally point out their path to the gate of forgiveness, if that's what it takes. But it's ultimately up to them.
 
NataljaC said:
In conflict situations, I do not voice any judgement until I have a reasonable grasp on the perspectives of the people involved.



See that right there is something that I'm tempted to do. But I refrain from doing so because of the communication issues that will arise. Implicit communication would be ideal, since I value unspoken understanding. But I understand that most people are not like-minded as me. I will literally point out their exit to the gate of forgiveness, if that's what it takes. But it's ultimately up to them.
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Well there are times when I will lay things out like that if I feel it won't be stepped all over and made worse.

I've said as much to some people, basically saying straight up "hey, you really hurt me." and usually it results in apologies and group hugs and all that. But I have to sense that it'll be reciprocated. I'm pretty sure that I usually play it right.
 
I'd demand an explanation. I'd get upset but deal with my emotions alone. But good neutral conversation always helps.
 
I take a massive, massive step back and try to eliminate myself from the situation at all costs. I allow a chance to explain but if I smell bullshit it will not b resolved and that person is effectively out of my life. I am not cruel about it. I just peace out.
 
''Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names'' John F Kennedy
 
Keirouen said:
When someone you trust disappoints you/breaks a promise/hurts your feelings...

  • Do you give him or her a chance to explain?
  • Do you let yourself examine the situation holistically?
  • Or are you so hurt and upset that you only see your own pain and the target you've metaphorically pinned onto the one who hurt you?
Click to expand...
Yes yes yes.

:|

Depending on the importance of the promise / the matter involved, I can be as far as "nah, NBD." to "well, everyone fails, sooner or later." to, "..nope, that's it. Nice to meet you."

The chance to explain is influenced by
1) how often it happened (say, a person is late. Is it the first time? Is it the 500th time?)
2) how severe it was (did I have to wait 15 minutes? an hour? Four?)
3) how much had I done for them
4) and how much does it fit with what I'm seeing of the person.

The more they are, the less chance I gave them-- or at least the less chance I'm considering (barring several conditions, of course.)

I also see the situation as much as I could. Usually I withdrawn myself, trying to look at it from a different perspective. But when it's too hard, the pain too much; admittedly those only served as more reasons to be angry, to be sad, to wreck vengeance.

And by wrecking vengeance, I usually mean a doorslam. :|
 
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