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As we come to the end of 2016 I thought I'd try to recall and review it. I will freely confess this is highly personal, unprofessional, and almost certainly completely inaccurate and boring rant. But I did it anyway.
January 2016
I awake at a friends house, with the worst hangover I've ever ever had, after staying up to see in the New Year and then making a seeming attempt to stay up for the next one as well. Recall that the conservatives won the election last year (how?) and promised an EU referrendum. Doesn't matter. David Bowie dies and Alan Rickman (truly madly deeply) Hmm this could be a bad sign, but Leicester City are top of the premier league. Sadly Bono still lives.
February
Read on the news the Donald Trump is running for the Presidency.. ha ha. Like that's ever going to happen. I still have the hangover. Wife doesn't get me a valentines card. Still I'm sure everything is fine. Why would it not be fine. Leicester City still top of the league, wish someone would make a Mobile Pokemon game. I think it would be popular. Harper Lee dies, Jeremy Clarkson still going.
Honestly ? still a little bit hungover, but back feels quite a lot better.
March
Beware the Ides of March. Looking forward to the European championships, I'm sure England will do well. Leicester are still top of the league but have zero chance of winning it. thank god I'm not one of those idiots who bet on them. There's a reason they were 5000/1. Vladimir Braginsky dies (russian physicist) and Garry Shandling ? Bono healthier than ever. Things seem better with my wife, she's out of the house a lot more often. yipee !
April
Leicester still top ? Never gonna win it no way. Prince dies. I used to really love his music. Purple Rain, Around the World in a Day. I was once given a flower when buying one of his albums. I thought the shop assistant was hitting on me, but it was part of a sales promotion. I was crushed. Beginning to think wife is seeing someone else ? no. Paranoid. Victoria Wood dies, Jeremy Clarkson doing a new top gear type thing. Still no new Pokemon game. EU referrendum thing on the news. what a waste of time.
May
Leicester City won the premier league... Honest. 5000/1 and I never bet on them. Basically suicidal and in shock. Gary Lineker will have to present Match of the Day in his pants. EU referrendum announced formally vote next month. Total waste of time. Looks like Clinton is going to be the next US president. Wife is very odd and furtive. Probably ok though. Carla Lane dies, Bono apparently in the studio planning a new album. Can't wait for England to play in the Euro's. I think they can win it, I've bet on them.
June
Turns out I was right about my wife. I caught her inflagrante on her phone and challenged her. She denied everything, then left ? Oh also the country went insane and narrowly voted to leave the EU, and England lost to Iceland in the Euros. I have re-joined an internet forum. This year is not going the way I'd hoped. Back is still improving so I have bought some weights and I am using them. Gordon Murray dies (not related to Andy Murray) Jeremy Clarkson healthier than ever. Muhammad Ali "the greatest" dies.
July
I am still in shock, Britian leaving the EU and England beaten by Iceland.. still using the weights, and have applied for some new jobs. Phone call angry rants from wife in tears. Actually feel oddly better. Olympics due to start, cant see Britain doing very well, as long as we beat Australia. Finally Pokemon Go is released.. I don't like it. Am I the only one ? Everyone else loves it. Son and Ex are walking all over the place catching them. I hope he's careful. I hope she falls down a manhole. If she hasn't already. Andy Murray wins Wimbledon. David Cameron resgins as Prime Minister replaced by Theresa May. no votes needed. just like with Gordon Brown. Caroline Ahearne dies sob 52 !!! No word on Bono...
August
Bizarrely made friends with a woman. Probably a mistake. Told ex, she's "not bothered" but now admits she is seeing someone else and has been for some time. She returns home briefly in shock after her boyfriend doesn't leave his wife. Who knew that could happen? Plus points tho, son has passed his A levels, and got his University place. At last I can get rid of the freeloader. Britain did quite well in the Olympics finishing 2nd ahead of China. Tragically behind those cheaters America, but fantastically higher than Australia.. whoop whoop !! Bono is fine, apparently Pokemon Go is the biggest thing ever and Gene Wilder has died. I loved him in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. and everything else. he ever did.
September
Ex has returned to the house - rejoice (irony) and youngest son has left for university. This feels like a very bad trade. we have divided the house up into East/West Berlin and i have the small bedroom. I am sure things will be trouble free.. Paralympics start. Apparently "Brexit means Brexit" but no one can explain anything more than that. The Pound has devalued by almost 18%. house is up for sale. no offers yet. Shimon Peres dies, Clarkson ? Getting ready for a new car TV show thing. have made good friends with this milky guy on that forum. he is nuts, and very funny. he wants to run for President. Why not? Trump has lol lol.
October
Seems like the Pokemon Go thing has peaked and is drifting away now. who knew ? Putin has gone all crazy in Syria. I fricking hate that guy. He'll get his one day. So looks like Trump vs Clinton. ha ha he has no chance. No decent offer on the house yet. Domestic bliss.. ha . Missing my son like crazy. Argg. We only talked a few times a day he was alway on his PC. Everytime i go in his room (now mine) I wanna cry. I cant bear to see who has died. a lot of children in syria. still they're not famous. Grrr...
November
Clinton gets nearly 3 million more votes thatn Trump, but he is the new President. Milky forgot to send in the forms. Plus there's an electoral college?? WTF ?? Sorry America, for a few months it was funny. At least it's taken the heat of us for Brexit. things are great with ex at home. Still no job. depressing. Step son is very unhappy. I am now a mod on that forum. they like me ? no some of them tolerate me. There's a new Harry Potter Movie and Rogue One is due out soon. I am not listing any more deaths. That SOB Putin is walking around as 'healthy as a horse'. Probably sleeping with one too. He is a tool. Obama should of sucker punched him and blamed it on stress. I would have. Douche. Otherwise I'm fine.
December
Santa called me, he's broke "it's the economy stupid" he says Putin and Trump aren't getting anything either so it's not just me. Plus he's gonna take some stuff off of them. Vera Rudin, George Michael and Carrie Fisher died. Yeah I lied sue me. I posted a lotta dumbass stuff, angry flirting, secret crush, but oddly found a lotta great people, very funny. One eyebrow, ya ya sisterhood. Loved all of that. Oh after car crash job interview, actually got the job. still talking to that woman. she gets fed up of me. I think you can see why. Still using my weights and feel better. There's a cease fire in Syria, and Leicester are in the last 16 of the Champions league. Clarkson and Bono are getting married. I think thats beautful.
Oh and they found the Clinton emails. They were all to a guy called Donald, it was her secret crush. I called CNN and Fox but they won't run it. His replies were too explict. He may have small hands but apparently he wasn't lying about the other thing.
So 2017 ? Are you ready ? we are ready for you dude. believe. Happy New Year all.
foot note: Rogue One brilliant, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them - even better. Peace.
Mystery ? "Ankles"
January 2016
I awake at a friends house, with the worst hangover I've ever ever had, after staying up to see in the New Year and then making a seeming attempt to stay up for the next one as well. Recall that the conservatives won the election last year (how?) and promised an EU referrendum. Doesn't matter. David Bowie dies and Alan Rickman (truly madly deeply) Hmm this could be a bad sign, but Leicester City are top of the premier league. Sadly Bono still lives.
February
Read on the news the Donald Trump is running for the Presidency.. ha ha. Like that's ever going to happen. I still have the hangover. Wife doesn't get me a valentines card. Still I'm sure everything is fine. Why would it not be fine. Leicester City still top of the league, wish someone would make a Mobile Pokemon game. I think it would be popular. Harper Lee dies, Jeremy Clarkson still going.
Honestly ? still a little bit hungover, but back feels quite a lot better.
March
Beware the Ides of March. Looking forward to the European championships, I'm sure England will do well. Leicester are still top of the league but have zero chance of winning it. thank god I'm not one of those idiots who bet on them. There's a reason they were 5000/1. Vladimir Braginsky dies (russian physicist) and Garry Shandling ? Bono healthier than ever. Things seem better with my wife, she's out of the house a lot more often. yipee !
April
Leicester still top ? Never gonna win it no way. Prince dies. I used to really love his music. Purple Rain, Around the World in a Day. I was once given a flower when buying one of his albums. I thought the shop assistant was hitting on me, but it was part of a sales promotion. I was crushed. Beginning to think wife is seeing someone else ? no. Paranoid. Victoria Wood dies, Jeremy Clarkson doing a new top gear type thing. Still no new Pokemon game. EU referrendum thing on the news. what a waste of time.
May
Leicester City won the premier league... Honest. 5000/1 and I never bet on them. Basically suicidal and in shock. Gary Lineker will have to present Match of the Day in his pants. EU referrendum announced formally vote next month. Total waste of time. Looks like Clinton is going to be the next US president. Wife is very odd and furtive. Probably ok though. Carla Lane dies, Bono apparently in the studio planning a new album. Can't wait for England to play in the Euro's. I think they can win it, I've bet on them.
June
Turns out I was right about my wife. I caught her inflagrante on her phone and challenged her. She denied everything, then left ? Oh also the country went insane and narrowly voted to leave the EU, and England lost to Iceland in the Euros. I have re-joined an internet forum. This year is not going the way I'd hoped. Back is still improving so I have bought some weights and I am using them. Gordon Murray dies (not related to Andy Murray) Jeremy Clarkson healthier than ever. Muhammad Ali "the greatest" dies.
July
I am still in shock, Britian leaving the EU and England beaten by Iceland.. still using the weights, and have applied for some new jobs. Phone call angry rants from wife in tears. Actually feel oddly better. Olympics due to start, cant see Britain doing very well, as long as we beat Australia. Finally Pokemon Go is released.. I don't like it. Am I the only one ? Everyone else loves it. Son and Ex are walking all over the place catching them. I hope he's careful. I hope she falls down a manhole. If she hasn't already. Andy Murray wins Wimbledon. David Cameron resgins as Prime Minister replaced by Theresa May. no votes needed. just like with Gordon Brown. Caroline Ahearne dies sob 52 !!! No word on Bono...
August
Bizarrely made friends with a woman. Probably a mistake. Told ex, she's "not bothered" but now admits she is seeing someone else and has been for some time. She returns home briefly in shock after her boyfriend doesn't leave his wife. Who knew that could happen? Plus points tho, son has passed his A levels, and got his University place. At last I can get rid of the freeloader. Britain did quite well in the Olympics finishing 2nd ahead of China. Tragically behind those cheaters America, but fantastically higher than Australia.. whoop whoop !! Bono is fine, apparently Pokemon Go is the biggest thing ever and Gene Wilder has died. I loved him in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. and everything else. he ever did.
September
Ex has returned to the house - rejoice (irony) and youngest son has left for university. This feels like a very bad trade. we have divided the house up into East/West Berlin and i have the small bedroom. I am sure things will be trouble free.. Paralympics start. Apparently "Brexit means Brexit" but no one can explain anything more than that. The Pound has devalued by almost 18%. house is up for sale. no offers yet. Shimon Peres dies, Clarkson ? Getting ready for a new car TV show thing. have made good friends with this milky guy on that forum. he is nuts, and very funny. he wants to run for President. Why not? Trump has lol lol.
October
Seems like the Pokemon Go thing has peaked and is drifting away now. who knew ? Putin has gone all crazy in Syria. I fricking hate that guy. He'll get his one day. So looks like Trump vs Clinton. ha ha he has no chance. No decent offer on the house yet. Domestic bliss.. ha . Missing my son like crazy. Argg. We only talked a few times a day he was alway on his PC. Everytime i go in his room (now mine) I wanna cry. I cant bear to see who has died. a lot of children in syria. still they're not famous. Grrr...
November
Clinton gets nearly 3 million more votes thatn Trump, but he is the new President. Milky forgot to send in the forms. Plus there's an electoral college?? WTF ?? Sorry America, for a few months it was funny. At least it's taken the heat of us for Brexit. things are great with ex at home. Still no job. depressing. Step son is very unhappy. I am now a mod on that forum. they like me ? no some of them tolerate me. There's a new Harry Potter Movie and Rogue One is due out soon. I am not listing any more deaths. That SOB Putin is walking around as 'healthy as a horse'. Probably sleeping with one too. He is a tool. Obama should of sucker punched him and blamed it on stress. I would have. Douche. Otherwise I'm fine.
December
Santa called me, he's broke "it's the economy stupid" he says Putin and Trump aren't getting anything either so it's not just me. Plus he's gonna take some stuff off of them. Vera Rudin, George Michael and Carrie Fisher died. Yeah I lied sue me. I posted a lotta dumbass stuff, angry flirting, secret crush, but oddly found a lotta great people, very funny. One eyebrow, ya ya sisterhood. Loved all of that. Oh after car crash job interview, actually got the job. still talking to that woman. she gets fed up of me. I think you can see why. Still using my weights and feel better. There's a cease fire in Syria, and Leicester are in the last 16 of the Champions league. Clarkson and Bono are getting married. I think thats beautful.
Oh and they found the Clinton emails. They were all to a guy called Donald, it was her secret crush. I called CNN and Fox but they won't run it. His replies were too explict. He may have small hands but apparently he wasn't lying about the other thing.
So 2017 ? Are you ready ? we are ready for you dude. believe. Happy New Year all.
foot note: Rogue One brilliant, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them - even better. Peace.
Mystery ? "Ankles"
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I'm not watching any more news. I'll just catch up on the year's news reading The James Morning Herald. It's a great read.
