[INTP] Is this the beginning of a disaster?

The title is rhetorical

Good day everyone,

I am a Male INTP-T in my late 30's (1 year from the Four Zero).

I'm posting here because I'm in a bit of a pickle so to speak and while I'm not necessarily looking for advice on what I should do (I know what I must do), I would still like to hear your opinions if you were in the situation as a Female INFJ-A.

Forgive me if I came across a bit arrogant there but you'll understand why shortly.

A bit of background.

We met each other at work and we were instinctively drawn to each other. She said that she isn't used to making friends but she felt she had to with me and for me it was a bit easier because I noticed her long before she made the move.

Since then we have very slowly built a comfortable yet fascinating friendship with each other. We've shared a lot about our lives (from childhood up to now) and I even have a pet name for her which she loves. I'd be remiss to say that it is not best thing that has ever happend. We are both quirky, weird and super playful with each other.

There were a few hiccups along the way because of miscommunication but we both calmly spoke about it and the friendship has grown stronger because of it.

We both enjoy chatting with each other because the conversations are a mixture of everything from intellectual to just plain silliness and what felt like a 30 minute conversation is actually a 2.5 hour conversation (I keep track ¯\_(ツ)_/¯). These conversations are usually before we both go to sleep.

There are a lot more highlights I can add to describe the chemistry we have but for brevity sake I'll summarise that we tick a lot of the boxes that make an INTP/INFJ relationship work remarkably well together. It is difficult for either of us to go a few days without getting our "fix". Her own words were "It is never too soon".

We have met a few times already and plan to do again soon (she is pushing for the next meet). Now while I have not actively been pursuing her, I have not been passive about it either. I do occasionally push the boundary and the response is not negative.

Now comes that pickle.

I am in a loveless failed marriage. We both avoid each other and only continue living together because of financial constraints and Covid.

It is difficult for me to write this because I am fully cognizant of the situation I find myself in and the extreme moral implications that it presents. It keeps me awake that I'm hiding this from a girl that I care deeply for.

The divorce process has already begun and I do not want to come across as a "have my cake and eat it too" guy but I'd be lying if I say I don't want a romantic relationship with her.

Anyway. What would you do or think or even want if you were the girl in this situation?

 

I think I see where the confusion comes from. Failing should have been failed.

To answer your question

• The divorce process has already begun
• We both avoid each other

Short of adding a picture of the divorce papers there is not more to add. Our marriage is registered in a different country to where we live now and Covid is exasperating an already complicated process.

Noted.

 

I should have been more clear from which perspective I was looking for an opinion from. It's for the Friend.

I suspect if any other replies are made then it will follow the same line; Tell the truth.

I enjoy the friendship a lot and don't want it to end because I explain the situation to her but I absolutely do see that it must happen because the fallout will be far worse the longer it goes on for.

Worst timing ever.

 

Thanks for all the replies thus far.

I am loathe to discuss the details of my divorce mainly because it is not the primary topic of this thread and I'm not here to turn you all into marriage counsellors. While your questions to the authenticity of my posts are not unfounded it is still sad that there are doubts and I gain absolutely nothing from lying.

So let me be as succinct as possible.

Our divorce is complicated because we're not living in the country we were married in. This means both our lawyers need to communicate with each other and the lawyers in our registered country and those then need to communicate with the civil authority (who are infamously slow). The theoretical quickest process is 6 months but Covid is putting a massive delay on things as well as making it costly! The only saving grace is that we have no children (an answer to your question, @mintoots)

The divorce has been a long time coming and while most divorces can be downright hostile with one or both parties trying to hurt the other whether financially, emotionally or both, this is not the case here. Trying to punish each other helps nothing and we both want this to be over asap.

The exact words she said when the process began.