Is this INFJ into me? Why can't I tell?! | INFJ Forum

Is this INFJ into me? Why can't I tell?!

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lolo34

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Jul 20, 2014
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I'm an INFJ, and I'm really into a friend of mine, also an INFJ.

I feel like he is dropping hints, whether consciously or unconsciously, that he likes me, but I am having a really difficult time figuring out if I'm just reading too far into things (ah, the INFJ curse). Whenever we're together, he's always around me, most of the time touching me in some manner - arm around my shoulder, arm around my waist, hand on my shoulder, etc. And holy eye contact, Batman. He also really likes to play stupid little games like "I've got your nose". I've noticed that he doesn't seem to interact with others in our social group in the exactly same way, but he is a strong people person, and is surprisingly touchy for an INFJ.

We've gone out for coffee once or twice, but they were always unplanned. Each time we ended up talking for hours, but we never planned to go out again. That's not to say, however, that we don't talk outside of these isolated events. We have similar tastes in music, and share many tracks and artists with each other each week. This summer, he is away counseling at a summer camp, and doesn't have the use of his phone, save for Saturdays. We've spent the last few weeks chatting on those days off, but the last week passed without any contact from him at all. We'll both be back in our college city next month, and he's already indicated he wants to get together to watch a movie.

Like I've said, I feel like he's dropping hints, but I also know how outgoing he is with most everyone. It's also important to note that he stated to a mutual friend of ours (a girl), while we were out for dinner with a large group that he isn't interested in finding a girlfriend right now. That was maybe 9-10 months ago, and he was acting much the same way with me then as now. I'm an INFJ, too - shouldn't I be able to read him like a book?

ANY help at all is so appreciated - I think I'm starting to lose my mind over here! Thank you all in advance for your thoughts on this!

In the meantime, I should probably get out of my own head and go for a walk... ;)
 
I don't have a lot of experience in matters like this, but it seems to me that if he has been acting like that for 10 months but has not made a move to consider yourselves dateing and made acomment about not looking for a girlfriend, then I would think he just sees you as a special friend. Not a girlfriend, not an ordinary friend or a best friend. I've noticed that some people who don't have a significant other will find another friend whom they can express certain things that aren't normally socially acceptable. Things like closeness, silliness, minor physical contact (another expression of closeness) etc. I think this is a way to replace having a significant other when it isn't an option otherwise. However I don't think it's weird or unhealthy. Simply the fact of a person who has very strong desire for closeness ina world where that is socially unacceptable usually and for some reason a significant other is not an option. Really I think it's a fault in our society. But back on topic, it sounds to me like he wantsto be close to someone and tthat is you. For one reason or another he doesn't want to beboyfriend-girlfriend. You could have a few options. Talk to him as a friend about why he doesn't want a girlfriend, and maybe it's something simple like a lack of confidence (which you could easily fix by reassurance). Or you could wait patiently, and there's a chance he might ask you out as a girlfriend, but such a likelihood is a complete unknown to be. Or youcan continue as is. That being you this special friend. However if you choose that last one you must accept such a position and not always wonder about if there where moreor less in that relationship our else you will make yourself crazy....which you are you said. Lol

There's nothing wrong with that kind of friendship. It's extremely rare in our society.

Hopefully that was helpful and made sense. It's late and I'm using my phone, lol
 
I think being an infj with another infj might be very difficult? I'm not surprised you can't read him like you do most types, infjs are very very hard to read. It's why people trust infjs we're good at keeping secrets especially others who confided in us.
 
lolo34 said:
I'm an INFJ, and I'm really into a friend of mine, also an INFJ.

I feel like he is dropping hints, whether consciously or unconsciously, that he likes me, but I am having a really difficult time figuring out if I'm just reading too far into things (ah, the INFJ curse). Whenever we're together, he's always around me, most of the time touching me in some manner - arm around my shoulder, arm around my waist, hand on my shoulder, etc. And holy eye contact, Batman. He also really likes to play stupid little games like "I've got your nose". I've noticed that he doesn't seem to interact with others in our social group in the exactly same way, but he is a strong people person, and is surprisingly touchy for an INFJ.

We've gone out for coffee once or twice, but they were always unplanned. Each time we ended up talking for hours, but we never planned to go out again. That's not to say, however, that we don't talk outside of these isolated events. We have similar tastes in music, and share many tracks and artists with each other each week. This summer, he is away counseling at a summer camp, and doesn't have the use of his phone, save for Saturdays. We've spent the last few weeks chatting on those days off, but the last week passed without any contact from him at all. We'll both be back in our college city next month, and he's already indicated he wants to get together to watch a movie.

Like I've said, I feel like he's dropping hints, but I also know how outgoing he is with most everyone. It's also important to note that he stated to a mutual friend of ours (a girl), while we were out for dinner with a large group that he isn't interested in finding a girlfriend right now. That was maybe 9-10 months ago, and he was acting much the same way with me then as now. I'm an INFJ, too - shouldn't I be able to read him like a book?

ANY help at all is so appreciated - I think I'm starting to lose my mind over here! Thank you all in advance for your thoughts on this!

In the meantime, I should probably get out of my own head and go for a walk... ;)
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Honey, maybe he told your mutual friend that because he's not interested in her - and maybe he's not interested in her because he's so damn thirsty for you! When I was younger, and I felt comfortable/interested enough in a person that I was constantly touching them, playing cute games and making heavy eye contact, I was leaning hard to see where your boundaries are and what your feelings might be.

If he's an INFJ then he's overthinking it. Sounds like he's going to ask you out eventually, but if not then you can help him out! He will get the courage to say something once he has figured out how to isolate you and has an unmissable cue to say what he wants to say. So, if you are interested in him then you have to do all the hard work because he's overthinking. Isolate him, and ask him (in a gentle, nice, curious way and definitely not in an accusatory or judgmental way) why it is that he looks you in the eyes so much. There's a chance that he'll shut down out of embarrassment or fear, but coax him out of it! Think about the way that we, as INFJs, use our intuition to pick up on behaviours and subtle things, and use that to give him exactly the opportunity to ask you out.

Good luck! Let me know how it goes.
 
Why dont you say something like "We should go on a date as gf and bf" and see what the response is. The worst that happens is that he says " I dont think of you that way." Then you just decide how to proceed from there.
 
How is it that you know he is an INFJ?

All things considered, maybes hes just not into you.
 
I know he is INFJ because he has told me so in the past.

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughts! They're really helpful.

I think I'll just break down and ask him what the heck is happening here, and then deal with the aftermath accordingly. Thanks again!
 
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