Is the No Contact game ever justified?

.
I'm not aware that it is a game. I cut off all contact with a member of my family who was extremely abusive to me. It is really not a game actually the more I consider your post. It is an action of last resort taken after terrible pain and emotional turmoil. With regards to going no contact (NC) with a narcissist, it usually works really well. They will generally disappear from your life either very quickly (if they are the ignoring type), or somewhat quickly after some perusing and stalking type behaviors (if they are the engulfing type). NC with narcissists works because it cuts of their source of narcissistic supply. They are pragmatic creatures and will just move on and find new sources, showing you that you were a replaceable commodity all along. And yes, I believe I am protecting myself from dealing with manipulation, lies, ,malicious gossip, verbal attacks and memories of severe abuse. Ignoring/denying (playing hard to get) is I guess in the bag of tricks people use to try to make themselves more alluring to someone (either an ex or a new prospect). I personally find this tactic repugnant and dishonest. Is it revenge? No, like I said, I truly consider it a protective measure.

 

If it's done because of a game or a form of revenge, then it's an unhealthy behaviour. However, if it's done to protect one's self from harm then it is very much justifiable.

 

Why play mind games at all?

 

I agree with the second half. The first half I do not.

The silent treatment or no contact used as a form of punishment is abuse. It's not unhealthy behavior. You're abusing someone.

 

OH

It helps to read the original post.

If you're playing this game with a narcissist it's not really a game is it? It's the best thing to do. They need you to respond. If you don't, they will find someone who will. Because they need it. So don't respond to them.

I've been there. I'd say how I felt, but I don't wanna go back and think about it and feel it all again. My responses to threads like this get choppy and not well thought out because I really don't like to think about these things. If anyone is thinking about getting away from someone toxic, the best thing for you to do is to cut contact and you can be like me, not wasting time and energy thinking about narcissists and psychos.

 

Games are dumb. Be genuine. Relationships should never be a power struggle, so there's no need for games.

 

You're probably better off, but that's a hell of a way to go about it. :noidea:

 

There are a lot of scenarios in which going NC is absolutely necessary. I have an ex that I refuse to make contact with despite their repeated attempts to get a hold of me. This person was a liar, a manipulator and an abuser. I don't call it a game to block them from my life across every avenue possible - I call it protecting myself from their bullshit.

If your relationship with a person is completely over I am not sure why it would be considered a game to simply not speak to them anymore. If one party needs to go NC in order to move on and heal then I don't really call that a game. Sometimes when couple break up and stay in contact it blurs too many lines and creates more angst and upset than simply severing ties.

 

Sounds like No Contact is the way go to in this scenario and this guy is a loser.

 

What you describe doesn't sound like no contact being played. It sounds more like paranoia on his part.

 

Not as a game. Primarily as a defense tactics. Sometimes engagement of ANY KIND (positive or negative) is bad. Sometimes giving distance and silence is the best way to proceed without provoking any reactions from the target.

And I guess this is where it differs? Having no contact to avoid causing reactions vs having no contact to provoke reactions from the target...

Hngh. Since when vengeance and/or dominance knows justification? They make one, but it's...a mental leap of some sort.
I -can- imagine several reasons, but it just feels like empty justification-- and the root is still the same. Power play.

It's going to be both.
A narcissist does not like losing control and if you do not engage them, then you cannot control them. (Trust me on this.)
But that does not mean cutting all contact must not be done. If remaining in contact chisels your sanity and emotional well-being, DON'T.
Not only is it self-destructive; but what sort of relationship can be built under those feelings?

And as an addendum, the same thing can happen to insecure people for a different reason--
An insecure person will quickly go over the edge when contact is cut; due to paranoia and self-loathing (Again, trust me on this.)
But it's still the same. If it drains you, do so.

I have not, as a game.

I can see cases where it is possible to do this as an attempt to win back someone. (It requires a certain insecurity in the target).
But even then it's not going to be a genuine affection.