Is my irratation in this situation irrational? (for an INFJ) | INFJ Forum

Is my irratation in this situation irrational? (for an INFJ)

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Mux, Apr 2, 2009.

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  1. Mux

    Mux Community Member

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    Today I caught up with an old friend, who has recently made contact with me after years apart and out of touch. Its the 2nd or 3rd time we have hung out together in the past 2-3 months, after no contact for years...Long story short, we used to spend most of our time together when younger being antisocial rebellious late-teens, getting drunk,partying,etc in a small group of people.

    He has this overwhelming need to always be positive, to the extent that if i start moaning about something in life, even just to hear his take on it, he instantly changes topic. I don't moan and complain all the time, and i am far more positive generally than when younger, but I am cynical at times and like to see and discuss all sides of an issue in conversation with semi-close friends like him. His focus on being positive, even seems to cause him to repeat statements like "thats a nice"-random object- "isnt it?" more than once in a conversation, in order to change topic and fulfill his need to stay positive (seemingly at all costs). This is highly irritating to me for some reason, but I guess its no biggie.

    So...today we talked mostly about various women we have dated/slept with/been friends with in our lives, while out of touch with each other. And we talked about mens fashion (unusually for me) , our families and old rivals/enemies, our future plans,etc. Nothing terribly serious, and it was a mostly pleasant period of time we spent together.

    When I was at his place, he spent an aweful lot of time showing me his expensive new wardrobe of clothes, and trying to see what i thought about the items in it, and probing for my reaction to the bargains he had found for some of them. This also pissed me off, as it seems like some kind of competition is at the back of his mind. My wardrobe is lacking to say the least, and I have mentioned to him recently my intentions to upgrade a lot of it, to better fitting/looking combinations. In all fairness to him, he keeps offering to take me to some of his fav stores, and to help me choose what "looks good on me", in his mind. He also spent a lot of time showing me a whole load of stock that he had lying around, from when he used to sell clothing at a street stall he once ran in another city. I had already expressed interest in seeing the old stock, so he was simply fulfilling my request. He showed me a lot of digital photos of his stall, pointing out what he did and didnt like about the display style, pricing,etc...but he hardly asked me my opinion on any of it whatsoever, and just kept lecturing me on tons of details that i hardly need to know.

    I felt drained of energy after this portion of our time together today. He also stated at least 3 times that I really should stay a bit longer where I am at the moment before travelling back home to the city I live in. (Im visiting my family at the moment). I had explained to him, that I dont like leaving my place for too long as security i'snt ideal at my property and I have friends back home, and things i need to do...Nothing was good enough and he seemed to keep making up a different reason every time he admonished me to stay for why I would be happier if i stayed here longer.

    For some reason he would not tell me the 'real' reason that I should stay, and i just had this nagging feeling of him having some kind of hidden agenda. I realise thats just probably paranoia, but as I have explained above his reasoning was weird and kept changing. He also seemed to have quite a lot of txts to send particularly about the time he was nagging me to stay in town, and trying to convince me to go out with him to cafe's or shops. Im simply not interested in driving around randomly or hanging out at trendy places with him or anyone. To me, that is boring...I need a sense of purpose when i go out, and even then i'm not into trying to be seen, just for the sake of keeping up appearances.

    So in short, I feel suspicious of his motives, pressured, and disrespected in the sense that I have my own reasons for wanting to do or not do things, that I should not need to justify even to someone I have known as long as him. I do not know his MBTI, but Im certain there is an E in there somewhere! (All I know is his starsign, he is a scorpio like me.) The reason I am bothering to rave on here about all this is that I would like to know if anyone else can see the deeper pattern here of what is to me, slightly offensive behaviour that has left me in a bad mood all afternoon. I was pleased when he finally gave up and left saying "well if you do want to go out and do something give me a call". Every time in the past when I have hinted that I need my space again, he acts offended and starts asking questions like "have i done something wrong?". Now I could of course just tell him where to go, but Im not like that with most people especially ones ive known a long time, and Im in 're-evealuation of old friendship mode' with this guy at the moment, which is why this mundane set of events and my internal reactions has me posting all about it on here looking for insight, and maybe a hidden gem or two that I cannot see.

    So my question to you all is, am I being an oversensitive fool or can you identify with some of my irritations?
     
    #1 Mux, Apr 2, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2009
  2. J. Cardigan

    J. Cardigan Community Member

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    He sounds like someone who would irritate me.

    I recently hung out with a friend from a university I previously attended, and all he could talk about was his "style" and how this looked with that. It was good to see him, but we operate on very different wavelengths and it was kind of a relief when I left.

    People also change over time. My best friend growing up has turned into a manipulative prick over the past few years, and now I can hardly stand to be around him.

    There are some people in life where you want to keep your encounters "short but sweet." This sounds like one of those people.
     
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    #2 J. Cardigan, Apr 4, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2009
  3. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Are you a female?

    Sounds like he's attracted to you.
     
  4. NaeturVindur

    NaeturVindur Cuddlemaster
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    uuuhhh...
    unless mux/his freind isn't saying something, I'm gonna say, no.

    EDIT: I actually finished reading the OP, and shai might actually be on to something. Your friend might have ...ahem...something to tell you :mpoke:
     
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    #4 NaeturVindur, Apr 4, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2009
  5. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    :) See? I'm a good guess...
     
  6. OP
    Mux

    Mux Community Member

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    Yes, I find this person to be manipulative in a passive kind of way. When younger we were able to have somewhat intelligent and interesting conversation, but these days he seems afraid to venture into the world of feelings and thoughts to any great extent.

    Keeping it short but sweet, is the best idea I guess. Thanks for replying.

    Vindurnott and Shaigar - I highly doubt it, but I guess its possible. Maybe all that time spent showing me the collection in his closet was a glimpse of hidden desires. If so, I would take it as a compliment, and leave it there. :p
     
    #6 Mux, Apr 5, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2009
  7. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    clothing collection...
     
  8. NaeturVindur

    NaeturVindur Cuddlemaster
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    ...and he wants to take you shopping. he talking fashion to you. I don't mean to get to stereotypical here, but there's a point where it just fits too well.
     
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  9. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    Not to mention his constant attempts to keep you in town. He seems to have an ulterior motive...
     
  10. the

    the Si master race.
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    If you dont like him then stop hanging out with him. End of story.

    He seems to have a crush on you though. Use him for his money.
     
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  11. NaeturVindur

    NaeturVindur Cuddlemaster
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    I don't think its that Mux doesn't like him, he more distastes the situation. (right?)
     
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  12. Shai Gar

    Shai Gar Guest

    maybe sex will make the situation more comfortable...
     
  13. NaeturVindur

    NaeturVindur Cuddlemaster
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    ...or less considering the heterosexuality involved.
     
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  14. ceri

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    This is why i love this forum :p
     
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