Introvert (INFJ) who hates being indoors?

[anagum]

So, I had this lightbulb moment a few hours ago, where I've realized that I actually don't like spending time at home. And I never have. In a very INFJ fashion, it took a very close friend of me to put two and two together and realize this, and I'm elated! lol. To explain, for a while now, whenever a certain project that requires me being out and about, or when classes finish, etc. and I have to be forced to spend a lot of time at home, I find myself sinking into a depression/anxiety is rampant. At first, I thought it was because of something within our home dynamic, the energies of the house, I could be suffering from something else, but then I realized! It's because I'm not being stimulated by anything! And rarely have I felt this way at home. It makes sense why, then, when I do get a chance to get out, and do something simple, as simple as walk in the grocery store, I feel inspired, awake, and I can think clearer. Also, in my BA days, I would work much better studying and researching in the library, with other people, and other things to see.

Now, where I think the source of my confusion lies is because all my life I've heard people say: Oh, as an introvert, you love spending time indoors (ie: your idea of a fun Friday is reading at home). And that just never clicked with me (and I wasn't able to pinpoint why). On the other hand, I wasn't an "extrovert" either, where I loved socializing every single weekend, and partying, etc. I wasn't one or the other.

But is this typical of INFJ's? Could it be part of the walking contradicition-ness that we carry? Or could it be me?

 

[Deleted member 10171]

Hello @anagum

Have no idea if this is a typical trait for injf's but I can certainly relate. There are days when I often question myself.....now I've just come to the conclusion that I'm an ambivert (if such a thing exists).

 

[Ginny]

(if such a thing exists)

Yup.

But is this typical of INFJ's?

We aren't called the most extroverted introverts for nothing

It may not relate particularly well, but it's funny to see:

I also meant to look for the one I saw that mentioned ambiversion (I believe it was one my Susan Cain, I'm not sure), but I couldn't find it.

 

[Pin]

Outdoor activities are fun. I like meeting new people, seeing how they respond to big ideas, teasing them a little bit.

 

[kfg(atj]

It makes PERFECT sense. I had the aha moment myself when diving deeper into being INFJ and how to be the assertive and healthy version of myself. It all comes down to functions. Since Ni and Fe are at the top of our stack and using them properly is best for us, we have to get out and about and interact socially. Extending our empathy and understanding to others is really how we can feel empowered and true to our nature. Obviously, this has to be done with balance in mind or we can drain ourselves. So ambivert is more fitting.

If we don’t flex Fe enough socially (spending too much time alone) we try to extend that impulse onto ourselves and it comes out in the form of Ti therefore causing the almighty depressive Ni-Ti loop. Realizing this has been great for me personally. So I try to find balance. Making sure I interact with others regularly and then wind down at the end of the day and enjoy my introverted activities like reading or taking a long bath while browsing the forum. Lol

I belive spending too much time thinking and contemplating is a dangerous past time for us.

 

[Steppencat]

This definitely applies to me too. I actually have quite an intense fear of being stuck indoors, confined to an interior (mental and environmental) space. I've now doing my MA and throughout my time at university I have spent most of my time studying in the library (and various other campus study spaces) and coffee shops and so on. I don't feel like I can properly begin my day without leaving the house, and I get very restless when stuck indoors. In fact, when I wake up I usually can't get out of the house quickly enough. When I am at home in the countryside I usually have to go out for a long walk everyday, and go somewhere to get a coffee, and I don't feel happy unless I've had my walk.

Again, however, I know I am still an introvert because I like to sit and be introverted (i.e. read, write, do stuff on my laptop) in public places, without necessarily talking to anyone, just having the ambience of human company around me (Fe). However I have a serious dislike for crowds and noises (inferior Se), so the ideal for me is quiet, peaceful places where there are just enough people around to prevent me feeling cut off from humanity, without actually intruding into my psychic bubble.

selcouth is totally right about the importance of exercising Fe too, and I tend to emotionally and mentally stagnate if I do not get enough social stimulation; I actually get a huge amount of happiness from meaningful or stimulating or just pleasant interactions with people, even though I can also suffer from social anxiety and feeling misunderstood, and there are certain forms of popular recreation to which people swarm in huge numbers (i.e. 'clubs') for which I have a profound dislike.

But to conclude, I think the dislike of being indoors is very much a product of the need to balance Ni and Ti with Fe and Se. We need social and sensory stimulation; but at a manageable (not overwhelming) level.

 

[Ginny]

This definitely applies to me too. I actually have quite an intense fear of being stuck indoors, confined to an interior (mental and environmental) space. I've now doing my MA and throughout my time at university I have spent most of my time studying in the library (and various other campus study spaces) and coffee shops and so on. I don't feel like I can properly begin my day without leaving the house, and I get very restless when stuck indoors. In fact, when I wake up I usually can't get out of the house quickly enough. When I am at home in the countryside I usually have to go out for a long walk everyday, and go somewhere to get a coffee, and I don't feel happy unless I've had my walk.

Again, however, I know I am still an introvert because I like to sit and be introverted (i.e. read, write, do stuff on my laptop) in public places, without necessarily talking to anyone, just having the ambience of human company around me (Fe). However I have a serious dislike for crowds and noises (inferior Se), so the ideal for me is quiet, peaceful places where there are just enough people around to prevent me feeling cut off from humanity, without actually intruding into my psychic bubble.

selcouth is totally right about the importance of exercising Fe too, and I tend to emotionally and mentally stagnate if I do not get enough social stimulation; I actually get a huge amount of happiness from meaningful or stimulating or just pleasant interactions with people, even though I can also suffer from social anxiety and feeling misunderstood, and there are certain forms of popular recreation to which people swarm in huge numbers (i.e. 'clubs') for which I have a profound dislike.

But to conclude, I think the dislike of being indoors is very much a product of the need to balance Ni and Ti with Fe and Se. We need social and sensory stimulation; but at a manageable (not overwhelming) level.

I have a very unhealthy habit of being unable to focus when other people are around. It can happen that I spend more time watching other people than focussing on whatever I was planning on doing. For example, every time I browsed the library, and wanted to take a closer look at the stack of books I had accumulated (in hopes of limiting it), I could hardly do more than skim them. It might have to do with the weird quality of the silence in the library (lol), but I couldn't concentrate on going deep.

 

[Steppencat]

I have a very unhealthy habit of being unable to focus when other people are around. It can happen that I spend more time watching other people than focussing on whatever I was planning on doing. For example, every time I browsed the library, and wanted to take a closer look at the stack of books I had accumulated (in hopes of limiting it), I could hardly do more than skim them. It might have to do with the weird quality of the silence in the library (lol), but I couldn't concentrate on going deep.

Haha yeah, I definitely get distracted by other people if there are too many of them, or if they're talking loudly. That's why I generally avoid campus and public places in the day time. I always study in the library at night when there are only a few people around; there is almost nowhere on campus that I can sit in the daytime without being literally driven to distraction by the proximity of other personalities.

I'm curious: could you describe in more detail in what way/why you get distracted by other people? I ask because, for me, it's a very peculiar mixture of factors which nobody else I've spoken to seems to really identify with, and in the past it's been an intense source of frustration for me: it's as if I lack some kind of psychic barrier which protects most people from the moods and personalities of other people. Partly it's a sort of compulsive and intense curiosity about people and partly it's an excessive sensitivity to people's expressions and body language. Dammit, I don't know how to explain it haha.

 

[Ginny]

Haha yeah, I definitely get distracted by other people if there are too many of them, or if they're talking loudly. That's why I generally avoid campus and public places in the day time. I always study in the library at night when there are only a few people around; there is almost nowhere on campus that I can sit in the daytime without being literally driven to distraction by the proximity of other personalities.

I'm curious: could you describe in more detail in what way/why you get distracted by other people? I ask because, for me, it's a very peculiar mixture of factors which nobody else I've spoken to seems to really identify with, and in the past it's been an intense source of frustration for me: it's as if I lack some kind of psychic barrier which protects most people from the moods and personalities of other people. Partly it's a sort of compulsive and intense curiosity about people and partly it's an excessive sensitivity to people's expressions and body language. Dammit, I don't know how to explain it haha.

I have a very similar feeling. I need much personal space, so I get really sensitive when people intrude on my bubble. Other than that, if we take being in a coffee shop for an example, it's also this curiosity (although I always have that); as for sensitivity, it's really more their presence or vibe than their expression within the present. In that sense, I try to be less present as a sort of defense mechanism. It's not always conscious, though.
Also funny, if I have the pleasure of someone's company, I lose that interest in other people. My companion (lol) has my full and (almost) unidivided attention.

 

[jkxx]

I have a very similar feeling. I need much personal space, so I get really sensitive when people intrude on my bubble. Other than that, if we take being in a coffee shop for an example, it's also this curiosity (although I always have that); as for sensitivity, it's really more their presence or vibe than their expression within the present. In that sense, I try to be less present as a sort of defense mechanism. It's not always conscious, though.
Also funny, if I have the pleasure of someone's company, I lose that interest in other people. My companion (lol) has my full and (almost) unidivided attention.

I have this too - it's like being overwhelmed with people's vibes and feelings to the point whatever the topic of discussion was is almost completely forgotten (thinking of meetings mainly here) or there will be an urge to think about random nonsensical topics that just flood my mind out of nowhere. Though in a way soaking up vibes can be interesting on occasion.

Walks are a ton of fun though and so is touring places and sight-seeing so can relate to the stuck indoors theme from time to time. But what confuses me is that there are some places where staying home seems more right and others where I'll do anything to get out and find something to do outdoors - even if it doesn't involve socializing.

 

[AUM]

Sorry, can't really relate. I love staying indoors way too much.

I do enjoy midnight walks, though.

 

[Ginny]

Sorry, can't really relate. I love staying indoors way too much.

I do enjoy midnight walks, though.

So you walk indoors at midnight ?

 

[AUM]

So you walk indoors at midnight ?

Hur hur hur...you know what I mean, silly :tongue:

 

[Ginny]

Hur hur hur...you know what I mean, silly :tongue:

Sure I do, you like to play ghost

But, jokes aside, wouldn't you prefer the light of day, given the chance? To see the colours and feel the warmth of the sun? I know the night can be quite appealing (esp. when I am used to being out in the light or shut in), but given the choice, I wouldn't be so much nocturnal as just being out, and see it in balance.

 

[AUM]

Sure I do, you like to play ghost

Or vampire muahahah

But, jokes aside, wouldn't you prefer the light of day, given the chance? To see the colours and feel the warmth of the sun? I know the night can be quite appealing (esp. when I am used to being out in the light or shut in), but given the choice, I wouldn't be so much nocturnal as just being out, and see it in balance.

Well if you want to get serious, I've always had a fondness for the night. I don't know, I feel safer and the most productive. During the day, life gets too hectic. I'm constantly being pushed and pulled by obligations that I don't have time to appreciate the "colors and warmth of the sun", like you say. It's weird, but I can't really settle down during the day since there's something that I'm always doing, and putting on social masks in order to get things done. At night, let's just say, I feel free. Everyone's asleep, and I can wind down, take walks through the city and just reflect and ponder upon the big picture etc.

I by no means think that the day is unappealing, there's been brief moments when I just basque in its glory, but it's rare.

 

[Happy Phantom]

I’m a total homebody now but when I was married I went out more while now I’m quite content staying in. @infinite dreams loves going out. He tries to get me out as often as possible and I don’t want to be rude so I say nothing. Also pls don’t tell him I said that.

 

[infinite dreams]

I love staying indoors. Most of my hobbies can be done indoors and I regularly spend entire weekends barely leaving the house because avoiding direct human contact is a great way for me to recharge.

That said, I also enjoy nature a great deal, so I try to spend at least some time walking around and getting fresh air a few times a week. I also like to spend time sitting outside reading, thus combining a typical indoor hobby with my enjoyment of nature.

Ideally I would like to live in a place combining solitude and natural surroundings.