Internal Family systems

[Izabela]

Hey guys! I wanted to ask you if anyone had a chance to try this kind of therapy.
A month ago I started therapy based on Internal Family System. I have heard about it some time ago as a perfect method for auto therapy and it seemed as a great idea for me, because I know that finding a good therapist is not easy ( I had one that seemed like a psycho to me). I got a book called Self Therapy and read it but could not handle all my parts by myself. If you haven't heard about it IFS is about talking with your internal parts and it assumes that mind naturally consists of many, many parts that want to help us. So when you hear many different arguments for one case in your head, they are from different parts that might remember different things in your life and want to help you in a different way.
I had to contact therapist because I can hear a loooooot of different parts for almost any problem I have with myself and its quite confusing. Therapist monitors everything and helps me stay calm and not get sucked in by any part.
I was wandering if my personality type- INFJ has something to do how complex and contradictory I am and that I stay with many problems for a long time because all the parts have valid counterarguments and its difficult to decide what to do.
I know that all the people have tons of different parts, but maybe any of you guys was thinking about why we are so complex? How easy is it for you to deal with problems if you think about 10 different solutions and each of them makes sense

 

[Deleted member 16771]

I was wandering if my personality type- INFJ has something to do how complex and contradictory I am and that I stay with many problems for a long time because all the parts have valid counterarguments and its difficult to decide what to do.

Maybe.

I don't have this issue, and if we want to put it in MBTI terms it may be because I use the Te-Fi axis which places objects in 'hierarchies of value'. That is, because things are already ordered (Te) according to their 'value' (Fi), decisions come naturally - I will already know that 'a' is more valued than 'b', for instance, and why (the general principle/s which value it).

If I go to others, it's to introduce doubt. They won't tell me anything I haven't already considered typically, but they might give it a different value. So the 'problem' I would have is never (or rarely) 'I'm confused/indecisive' but 'are my values on order?'.

People who use the Fe-Ti axis, by contrast, are usually occupied with doing a different kind of cognitive work. They aren't engaged in discerning and creating hierarchies of value, but in observing and understanding 'environments' of equal parts - they tend to perceive objects in relation, but not typically by their value weight (or rather, the valuation is done subconsciously). They 'feel', but they don't know 'how they feel', since everything is vying for priority, &c.

One could read this from how MBTI is described, but do 'people who self-label as INFJ' work like this in reality? Possibly - there's some tautological truth value to how individuals select their own descriptions, but in this case it's offering no more than a vocabulary and structure for self-understanding rather than predictive insights.

 

[Izabela]

They 'feel', but they don't know 'how they feel', since everything is vying for priority, &c.

Yess, this is my main issue! Its difficult to organise all the options and IFS helps me a lit bit to clear it but then there is still a decision to make.

 

[Moranga]

I was wandering if my personality type- INFJ has something to do how complex and contradictory I am and that I stay with many problems for a long time because all the parts have valid counterarguments and its difficult to decide what to do.

I can relate and I get confused sometimes and it doesn't even have to be with trying to solve a problem. Just being drawn into random thoughts.
It is something I have been consciously working to gain a better understanding and control over. This is part of a recent conversation that I hope makes sense.

"Ya know thoughts are funny. They come and go. They are good and bad. They seem to act like a television that is just one. Not to say we cannot intentionally think about specific things. What I mean is when our "internal tapes" start playing that it comes from the ego and it usually does not have your best interest in mind. It seems to play more towards insecurities than not. I have been trying to be "Aware" of my mind chatter. Being only actively aware of it instead of being connected to the "clouds" (thoughts) floating in and out of my mind. I am instead trying to change my perspective and be the sky observing the clouds without acceptance or resistance. Just observing and not trying to control any of it. I hope this makes sense. My take away is that they come and they will go away if you dont grab ahold of it. If you do grab it that you pull it into your experience and it becomes more of a roommate lol."

I'm not sure this addresses your question specifically but it feels connected somehow in my head. The thing about this type of self work is that (only speaking to my experience) these are habits I have formed over my lifetime. Habits seem so easy to continue, but require constant awareness to notice that which you are trying to change about your patterns. This is were I seem to stumble is consistency. I tend to float from one idea to the next and rarely fully complete or accomplish many on these tasks. Still working on the consistency part at the present.

 

[grt$5vb]

Hey, @Izabela

I hadn't heard of this brand of therapy, but I find it very intriguing. I am not certain if the decisions you are facing need a quick solution, but I find that the healing process is well managed with small iterative movements which are rarely linear in nature.

You could try writing down pros and cons lists for each side, but honestly, I would narrow it way down. When I have too many options, I get stressed about making the wrong decision. I can be very decisive with little time and fewer options. At some point you have to realize you're overthinking it and just move forward on a path.

Again, I am not sure what decisions you are wrestling with and I am not a professional. It sounds like you are looking for self growth. This is a continual, life long process. I encourage you to give yourself some grace. You're doing the work and that is admirable. Remind yourself of your priorities and values are when deciding what to keep and what to lose.

 

[Izabela]

I'm not sure this addresses your question specifically but it feels connected somehow in my head.

thats another problem problem that I have Recently I have noticed that days with no internet on my phone are better because I am not constantly distracted and I feel like I have more control over my thoughts. But to decide on having day without phone is sooo super difficult

Again, I am not sure what decisions you are wrestling with and I am not a professional. It sounds like you are looking for self growth. This is a continual, life long process. I encourage you to give yourself some grace. You're doing the work and that is admirable. Remind yourself of your priorities and values are when deciding what to keep and what to lose.

Thank you for this <3 I want to basically change my whole life within couple of weeks I am not patient and should work on that first

 

[Sandie33]

Internal Family System.

Thank you for this. ♡I hadn't heard about it before now.
I've been reading about it and it runs in tandem with the idea of organic and non-organic bipolarism. (I have several family and friends who suffer through symptoms of Bipolar disorder and the affects of it.)

Patience can be hard to cultivate.
Wishing you a successful journey.

 

[pzl2lxie81mc]

I’ve come across IFS, but I don’t know it that well. I understand it helps integrate abandoned parts of ourselves, or something like that, and would put in in the family of inner-child work.

In terms of therapy, I’d say as INFJs there’s an appeal to working on ourselves and thus, the idea of self-therapy. I’d say though that I agree with the generally accepted premise that therapy works best with someone else. That relating to someone other than yourself, is half the work.

Finding a therapist that’s comfortable for you takes a bit of work. Both leg work - talking to a few to find a good fit, and inner work to expand that feeling of trust in someone else. I was lucky that I was able to find someone within walking distance to where I used to live that I felt comfortable with. And now with COVID and living in a different state, my sessions are over the phone and that’s been easy as well. I’m also using an in-network therapist through my health insurance provider and they tend to be well-credentialed. I have heard horror stories though, so I think you can’t take too much care in finding a therapist that works for you.