meowzician
TL;DR Enthusiast
- MBTI
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 4w5
My first objective in this thread is to explore whether these things are stuff common to INFJ's (common doesn't mean universal). My second purpose is to listen to those who deal with similar issues successfully and glean from them how they achieve their success. Of course no one has to reply to this thread, but you would be so helpful if you did, and that includes the no's.
I seem to deal with stress in several ways.
The first is something called stimming, and is very common for those on the spectrum. (I'm diagnosed with High Masking ASD). Self-stimulatory behaviors are repetitive physical movements, sounds, or the manipulation of objects. People use stimming to manage emotions and anxiety, express feelings, or regulate sensory input. These behaviors are highly compulsive (no, it's not OCD); I become very unnerved if I don't do them.
When was a kid, the forms of stimming I did were slightly unacceptable, so I got teased for them. Like I would constantly be playing with my hair and looking for split ends to split. I remember getting into trouble with the teacher because I just couldn't stop tapping my pencil during a talk by a guest speaker despite repeated admonishing. I had a tic of crinkling my nose which is usually quite normal, but sometimes it got WAY out of control. Biting my fingernails and cuticles is the only behavior from this period that still calls to me. I will chew and tear until I bleed. It's why I get acrylic nails.
I worked very hard to eliminate these mild faux pas, but what I found is that today I simply substitute new behaviors that mimic normal behaviors. I will put songs on auto-repeat and use headphones so that I don't drive others nuts. There are times I just can't stop moving my feet even after they begin to slightly hurt from muscle exhaustion. I still mess with my cuticles (sometimes to the point of bleeding) but instead of biting them, I use a cuticle trimmer-pusher and cuticle snippers. It's pretty bad--sometimes I'll spend over an hour doing this and then have to reschedule other tasks. My fingers will compulsively feel my skin for sensory imperfections and try to scratch them off. It's embarrassing when it occasionally makes sores on my face. When in the presence of others I force myself to stop feeling my skin, but then I just start doing one of my other stimming behaviors.
Let's move on to my second problem. Transitioning to a new activity is VERY difficult for me (another ASD thing)--it causes me a LOT of stress. I'll just continue doing whatever activity I'm doing to avoid that transitioning stress. It's not that I don't like the new activity. I actually enjoy cleaning the home; it's a very zen thing for me. I love singing in the choir. I love visiting a friend. I don't dislike the doctor's office. Even doing paperwork has an odd sort of satisfaction to it. But it's very common for me to continue what I'm already doing,, and I mean to the point of dysfunctionality. I'll be late for appointments because I can't get off the computer. I'll have to complete projects at the last minute by pulling all nighters. I won't show up at a friend's home at the agreed upon time. I'll get my groove on cleaning my home tooth-brush clean, and then not get necessary paperwork done. But I'm caught between a rock and a hard place because when I DO act responsibly and move to the next activity, I go through a period of incredible anxiety.
I know that some of you (though I'm sure not all) struggle with these ASD things. Do you have any strategies how to deal with them?
The third way I deal with stress is withdraw into a hyperfocus. My difficulty coming out of it is so great that it causes me problems. Sometimes I'm writing an essay or composing music and my son will come and touch me on the should to gain my attention. I'll stop working and look at him and I can see him talking to me. But I can't "hear" a word that he's saying. I'm still in hyperfocus with my writing. I literally have to ask him to repeat what he just said.
And now for my biggest problem of all, the one I'm desperate to fix.
The worst result of the hyperfocus is that it interferes with my ability to sleep. I'll wake up at 3am and be unable to get back to sleep because my mind is going over and over and over a problem or planning something. Sometimes I can't get to sleep in the first place and I'll stay awake with my activity until the wee hours of the morning. Then I have to lose a day of work because I can no longer stay awake. If I only get two hours of sleep for several days in a row, or if I lose the entire night's sleep, I become so touchy and irritable that my son avoids me. OMG I get a good night's sleep maybe once a week. I sometimes stay awake all night working on music or a writing project, not getting to sleep until late morning, and THEN I'm a total emotional mess for the rest of the day.
But it's the severe effects on my mental and emotional health due to my chronic sleep deprivation that are the most concerning.
Mentally, it can cause impaired attention, concentration, memory, and decision making. My creativity and problem solving decline. My emotional regulation becomes much harder, leading to anxiety, depression, and terrible mood swings. It's NOT a good place to be.
Physically, it weakens my immune system, making infections more likely. It disrupts the hormones that regulate my hunger. In the past my appetite would increase and I would obsess about food., Cravings for fat-carb combos (think donuts and ice cream) drove me nuts. I gained a lot of weight. OR it can do the opposite. Today I am unable to get up and get food--I'm actually receiving medical care because lack of nutrition is so bad that it's making me too thin, causing muscle pain, and causing other ailments. It causes insulin resistance, and I'm convinced it caused my diabetes. Chronic sleep deprivation also increases inflammation throughout the body, which contributes to my arthritis pain, chronic headaches, and back pain. And it puts me at risk for a heart attack, stroke, irregular heart rhythms, and heart disease. Ay, ay, ay.
Last night I couldn't get to sleep and was awake until almost 6am and THEN couldn't attend an important zoom meeting this morning because I couldn't stay awake. What was I doing all night? Organizing files on my computer and my Chrome bookmarks. (The hyperfocus can come in the form of organizing or cleaning things.) You know, I KNOW how to fall asleep. I eat a magnesium gummy and take a prescribed sleeping pill and I'm out in 20 minutes. But I can't even get myself to pause and do that. I feel this enormous emotional resistance.
Sometimes the hyperfocus is because it's just an activity I love like composing my music. And sometimes it is stress related. The reason I got into trouble last night is because earlier in the evening my choir was practicing new songs for High Holy Days. Singing is actually up there with my several most favorite things to do. But learning new songs is work and I go into a kind of hypervigilance that is extremely draining.
I'm sight reading so I have to see every note and its timing and gage the interval from the previous note. I have to listen intently to all the other parts because their notes are part of the cue whether I am hitting the right note or not. My Hebrew isn't worth shit and I sometimes change it to a similar word I already know or miss a consonant here or there or even just temporarily drop out because the new words just come too fast for me. And I have to practice the parts of all of the sections, so it's like learning four songs for each single piece of music--I'm the person in the choir that if too many people are sick or the part of a particular section is too difficult for that section our director will temporarily move me to that section.
Now imaging doing this for two hours straight. I love it. But I came home so exhausted that I couldn't do anything worth shit. Instead I went into hyperfocus on my computer. So that's what happened yesterday and is the reason I opened this thread. SMH Oy vey.
You guys, I'm so desperate to get a good night's sleep. I'm hoping and praying that someone in here will tell me the secret of how to break out of hyperfocus. Ribbono shel Olam, azor li: Master of the Universe, help me--send someone who has an answer.
I seem to deal with stress in several ways.
The first is something called stimming, and is very common for those on the spectrum. (I'm diagnosed with High Masking ASD). Self-stimulatory behaviors are repetitive physical movements, sounds, or the manipulation of objects. People use stimming to manage emotions and anxiety, express feelings, or regulate sensory input. These behaviors are highly compulsive (no, it's not OCD); I become very unnerved if I don't do them.
When was a kid, the forms of stimming I did were slightly unacceptable, so I got teased for them. Like I would constantly be playing with my hair and looking for split ends to split. I remember getting into trouble with the teacher because I just couldn't stop tapping my pencil during a talk by a guest speaker despite repeated admonishing. I had a tic of crinkling my nose which is usually quite normal, but sometimes it got WAY out of control. Biting my fingernails and cuticles is the only behavior from this period that still calls to me. I will chew and tear until I bleed. It's why I get acrylic nails.
I worked very hard to eliminate these mild faux pas, but what I found is that today I simply substitute new behaviors that mimic normal behaviors. I will put songs on auto-repeat and use headphones so that I don't drive others nuts. There are times I just can't stop moving my feet even after they begin to slightly hurt from muscle exhaustion. I still mess with my cuticles (sometimes to the point of bleeding) but instead of biting them, I use a cuticle trimmer-pusher and cuticle snippers. It's pretty bad--sometimes I'll spend over an hour doing this and then have to reschedule other tasks. My fingers will compulsively feel my skin for sensory imperfections and try to scratch them off. It's embarrassing when it occasionally makes sores on my face. When in the presence of others I force myself to stop feeling my skin, but then I just start doing one of my other stimming behaviors.
Let's move on to my second problem. Transitioning to a new activity is VERY difficult for me (another ASD thing)--it causes me a LOT of stress. I'll just continue doing whatever activity I'm doing to avoid that transitioning stress. It's not that I don't like the new activity. I actually enjoy cleaning the home; it's a very zen thing for me. I love singing in the choir. I love visiting a friend. I don't dislike the doctor's office. Even doing paperwork has an odd sort of satisfaction to it. But it's very common for me to continue what I'm already doing,, and I mean to the point of dysfunctionality. I'll be late for appointments because I can't get off the computer. I'll have to complete projects at the last minute by pulling all nighters. I won't show up at a friend's home at the agreed upon time. I'll get my groove on cleaning my home tooth-brush clean, and then not get necessary paperwork done. But I'm caught between a rock and a hard place because when I DO act responsibly and move to the next activity, I go through a period of incredible anxiety.
I know that some of you (though I'm sure not all) struggle with these ASD things. Do you have any strategies how to deal with them?
The third way I deal with stress is withdraw into a hyperfocus. My difficulty coming out of it is so great that it causes me problems. Sometimes I'm writing an essay or composing music and my son will come and touch me on the should to gain my attention. I'll stop working and look at him and I can see him talking to me. But I can't "hear" a word that he's saying. I'm still in hyperfocus with my writing. I literally have to ask him to repeat what he just said.
And now for my biggest problem of all, the one I'm desperate to fix.
The worst result of the hyperfocus is that it interferes with my ability to sleep. I'll wake up at 3am and be unable to get back to sleep because my mind is going over and over and over a problem or planning something. Sometimes I can't get to sleep in the first place and I'll stay awake with my activity until the wee hours of the morning. Then I have to lose a day of work because I can no longer stay awake. If I only get two hours of sleep for several days in a row, or if I lose the entire night's sleep, I become so touchy and irritable that my son avoids me. OMG I get a good night's sleep maybe once a week. I sometimes stay awake all night working on music or a writing project, not getting to sleep until late morning, and THEN I'm a total emotional mess for the rest of the day.
But it's the severe effects on my mental and emotional health due to my chronic sleep deprivation that are the most concerning.
Mentally, it can cause impaired attention, concentration, memory, and decision making. My creativity and problem solving decline. My emotional regulation becomes much harder, leading to anxiety, depression, and terrible mood swings. It's NOT a good place to be.
Physically, it weakens my immune system, making infections more likely. It disrupts the hormones that regulate my hunger. In the past my appetite would increase and I would obsess about food., Cravings for fat-carb combos (think donuts and ice cream) drove me nuts. I gained a lot of weight. OR it can do the opposite. Today I am unable to get up and get food--I'm actually receiving medical care because lack of nutrition is so bad that it's making me too thin, causing muscle pain, and causing other ailments. It causes insulin resistance, and I'm convinced it caused my diabetes. Chronic sleep deprivation also increases inflammation throughout the body, which contributes to my arthritis pain, chronic headaches, and back pain. And it puts me at risk for a heart attack, stroke, irregular heart rhythms, and heart disease. Ay, ay, ay.
Last night I couldn't get to sleep and was awake until almost 6am and THEN couldn't attend an important zoom meeting this morning because I couldn't stay awake. What was I doing all night? Organizing files on my computer and my Chrome bookmarks. (The hyperfocus can come in the form of organizing or cleaning things.) You know, I KNOW how to fall asleep. I eat a magnesium gummy and take a prescribed sleeping pill and I'm out in 20 minutes. But I can't even get myself to pause and do that. I feel this enormous emotional resistance.
Sometimes the hyperfocus is because it's just an activity I love like composing my music. And sometimes it is stress related. The reason I got into trouble last night is because earlier in the evening my choir was practicing new songs for High Holy Days. Singing is actually up there with my several most favorite things to do. But learning new songs is work and I go into a kind of hypervigilance that is extremely draining.
I'm sight reading so I have to see every note and its timing and gage the interval from the previous note. I have to listen intently to all the other parts because their notes are part of the cue whether I am hitting the right note or not. My Hebrew isn't worth shit and I sometimes change it to a similar word I already know or miss a consonant here or there or even just temporarily drop out because the new words just come too fast for me. And I have to practice the parts of all of the sections, so it's like learning four songs for each single piece of music--I'm the person in the choir that if too many people are sick or the part of a particular section is too difficult for that section our director will temporarily move me to that section.
Now imaging doing this for two hours straight. I love it. But I came home so exhausted that I couldn't do anything worth shit. Instead I went into hyperfocus on my computer. So that's what happened yesterday and is the reason I opened this thread. SMH Oy vey.
You guys, I'm so desperate to get a good night's sleep. I'm hoping and praying that someone in here will tell me the secret of how to break out of hyperfocus. Ribbono shel Olam, azor li: Master of the Universe, help me--send someone who has an answer.
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