[INFJ] INFJs Confuse Me: And they seem to be Everywhere!

[istill316]

For supposedly being such a rare personality type, I seem to know far more INFJs than anytype else. And boy are they confusing!

They question for the moment is, however:

Would an INFJ ever make a point to mention that you are just friends when she actually wants something more?

Here is the reason for my question:

First, I've a friend who I know liked out mutual friend at one point, but he wasn't interested. I had two or three times when she point-blank emphasized that she and I were "just friends", but never actually asked me if I liked her (in those words), to which I always agreed that we were (presently) just friends (because we were) even though I did kinda like her at the time. In any case, fast forward a year or so, and we live in separate towns, and she has visited some number of times. I usually don't see her, but when I do, she seems to know what is going on in my life, things I haven't told very many people (but I happened to tell one of our mutual friends, a mentor of hers). She seemed really excited to talk with me, and then suddenly she was talking to someone else and basically left without saying goodbye. What the heck?

Second, I've another INFJ friend, who I only met recently, and several times she has emphasized to me that she is very glad for friends, and loves friends, and the like. Which is great, because we are friends. But then she also brings up subjects like ideal wedding situations and the like. And it seems like talking with me is her favorite thing in the world. So yeah.

What gives?

(I don't know that I like either of them romantically or not. Perhaps that will grow, or not. But that's not the point.)

 

[Mary Shelley]

Would an INFJ ever make a point to mention that you are just friends when she actually wants something more?

She might if:
She's testing your reaction.
She's trying to maintain a sense of control.
She doesn't know how she feels.
She doesn't want things to go too fast.
She's reluctant to risk your friendship.
She doesn't think you're compatible.
She has low self-esteem.
She thinks you would be happier with someone else.
She's interested in someone else.
She is trying to focus on something (school, work, family).
She thinks one or both of you may move.
She's not ok with your current physical distance.
She is afraid involvement would interfere with long term goals.
She's trying to push to see if you pull.

She seemed really excited to talk with me, and then suddenly she was talking to someone else and basically left without saying goodbye. What the heck?

It probably didn't seem appropriate to say goodbye for some reason (she thought you were busy, didn't want to disrupt the conversation with someone else) or maybe she just needed to leave more urgently.

Being excited to talk to you could mean many different things--most of which are platonic. INFJ are almost notorious for being so interested in who they're talking to that they are accused of leading people on. She may be deeply interested in your conversation, your friendship, your thoughts and feelings, and you as a person but have no desire for romance. INFJs seek deeper levels of friendship than most.

we are friends. But then she also brings up subjects like ideal wedding situations and the like. And it seems like talking with me is her favorite thing in the world. So yeah. What gives?

See above. Thinking about the future is a preoccupation and I think it's easy to assume that it is for everyone else. Wanting to discuss things she thinks about far down the road is not necessarily and indicator that you need to buy and ring and rent a tux. She could just want to talk about it and think that since you're a friend she should be able to talk to you.

(I don't know that I like either of them romantically or not. Perhaps that will grow, or not. But that's not the point.)

Some guys have a hard time accepting that girls can really be just friends. If the friendships are valuable to you, treat them as you would any other close friends. If you don't know what you want, figure that out before getting too concerned with what they may want. The rest of the world is fluid--so even if you figure them out completely today, it may change tomorrow. Know what you want, then be deliberate. If you really want more, lukewarm will quickly lose them.

 

[Dutch Cake]

I know about myself, I am a sponge for unformatuon. I can remember random things happening in a person's life and will want to talk about it out of curiosity. Sometimes I realize it may seem a bit stalker-ish.

It only occured to me while reading this that maybe most people don't talk about their ideal wedding/dream home/ kids names and so forth. Really. I day dream and often start talking about these things because I think almost everyone has a day dream or opinion on these matters.

Honestly, now I'm worried I have over the years confused some guys.

Also, I am so embarassed when I have a crush, I never mention these things really. I try to hide my feelings as much as possible. Mostly due to the fear of rejection. But will spend a lot of time with them.