INFJ Strengths

QuickTwist said:
Do you want my honest opinion? It might sting, but if you want my comments on this, I have them. Otherwise, I can't really speak to Catholicism.
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Honestly no. If it might sting then I see no real point. Maybe I am too sensitive because the environment I grew up in was far too rigid and controlled and as a young INFJ who tried my best to make everyone happy but yet failed I’m not open ti feedback. I feel each person is on their own path and maybe one day I can go back towards Christianity but as for now, there’s no room for me there and I’m not going to spend the rest of my remainder of my life trying to convince people that I don’t need saved. I need places where others are allowed to be themselves, if not I’d simply like to avoid confrontation or anymore unpleasant conversations than I’ve already had trying to prove my point that all are worthy of being loved.
 
Hyacinth said:
Honestly no. If it might sting then I see no real point. Maybe I am too sensitive because the environment I grew up in was far too rigid and controlled and as a young INFJ who tried my best to make everyone happy but yet failed I’m not open ti feedback. I feel each person is on their own path and maybe one day I can go back towards Christianity but as for now, there’s no room for me there and I’m not going to spend the rest of my remainder of my life trying to convince people that I don’t need saved. I need places where others are allowed to be themselves, if not I’d simply like to avoid confrontation or anymore unpleasant conversations than I’ve already had trying to prove my point that all are worthy of being loved.
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Fair enough.
 
@Hyacinth have you ever looked at transactional analysis (TA)? It’s a psychological model but complementary to MBTI rather than a rival to it. It deals with the dynamics of the way people interact with each other. You might find it interesting because it deals with the sort of problems you describe.

I’ve attached an introductory video - I can link the remaining two videos and recommend some books if you would like.

 
John K said:
@Hyacinth have you ever looked at transactional analysis (TA)? It’s a psychological model but complementary to MBTI rather than a rival to it. It deals with the dynamics of the way people interact with each other. You might find it interesting because it deals with the sort of problems you describe.

I’ve attached an introductory video - I can link the remaining two videos and recommend some books if you would like.

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No but I’ll definitely check it out
 
Hyacinth said:
Thanks for the DMs, I’ll get there ;) I appreciate yours and others patience as I’m navigating this life without them now. Nice to know some ppl have my back :) it makes me happy
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Yeah, thanks for reaching out. I have been learning more lately not to give people advice if they don't want it.
 
QuickTwist said:
Yeah, thanks for reaching out. I have been learning more lately not to give people advice if they don't want it.
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No worries at all. I am 100% ALWAYS open to feedback. It’s how we grow and I can’t know my shortcomings without someone telling me. I’d rather everyone be honest because it’s way easier on me but rarely do others types see eye to eye with me on this 🤣😆 They are usually totally comfortable giving me constructive criticism but rarely do they ever want it back and don’t see my advice as help which is always how I mean it. I learn through getting to know someone who prefers honesty and who to be more delicate with in my approach but me personally?? I prefer honesty because it’s a much easier on me to understand. I will rarely get offended because I can easily tell the difference between someone who genuinely wants to help or a put down since they have two vastly different “feels” to it.
 
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I was wondering what was wrong with me as an INFJ that I could not "predict" the emotions of other people. That is because, as the video states, INFJs DON'T predict emotions. They REACT to emotions. I was kinda trying to be more of an emotional genius, thinking, "Why can't I predict how this person will feel if I say X, Y, Z?" But the thing is, I am POLITE instead, so I don't have to predict anything. Makes perfect sense!

 
QuickTwist said:
I was wondering what was wrong with me as an INFJ that I could not "predict" the emotions of other people
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We don't "predict" but we do see/understand better than others do themselves
 
QuickTwist said:
Related...

I was wondering what was wrong with me as an INFJ that I could not "predict" the emotions of other people. That is because, as the video states, INFJs DON'T predict emotions. They REACT to emotions. I was kinda trying to be more of an emotional genius, thinking, "Why can't I predict how this person will feel if I say X, Y, Z?" But the thing is, I am POLITE instead, so I don't have to predict anything. Makes perfect sense!

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I'm not completely happy with the way he describes Fe in the video. For me, it isn't simply observing other's emotions but how I evolve a picture of what makes others, by themselves and collectively, tick as a whole, and that determines how I interact with them. I can't really split it off from my other functions and see it only as a way of feeling and influencing emotions of others. It isn't simply an awareness of emotion, which is perception, but a way of judging what is going on, on the fly out there and taking action on it in the external world. For me it's very much bound up with outward facing values as well as the emotional flavour of situations. The importance of values is that they both act as an anchor and also can transcend immediate harmony - if I were a teacher, I might put an unruly class in detention and that is certainly not harmonious in the moment, but is based on the collective value of learning how to behave well socially.

You are dead right that predicting others' emotions in some kind of superpower way is not the way we work. For me it works in a couple of different ways. One is that I get to know someone over a period of time, build up a good feel for who they are, and then I get a much better feel for how they will react emotionally. The other is in the moment, and is pretty well unconscious - I react to the other as we interact and adjust my behaviour dynamically. I'm not so much predicting the other's emotions as doing a sort of windsurfing or skiing in the present moment, evolving my reactions on the fly, based on the body language 'terrain' of their reactions which are often very different from what they say. I must say, the second of these takes a lot of energy from me, and I don't bother unless the situation warrants it.
 
John K said:
I'm not completely happy with the way he describes Fe in the video. For me, it isn't simply observing other's emotions but how I evolve a picture of what makes others, by themselves and collectively, tick as a whole, and that determines how I interact with them. I can't really split it off from my other functions and see it only as a way of feeling and influencing emotions of others. It isn't simply an awareness of emotion, which is perception, but a way of judging what is going on, on the fly out there and taking action on it in the external world. For me it's very much bound up with outward facing values as well as the emotional flavour of situations. The importance of values is that they both act as an anchor and also can transcend immediate harmony - if I were a teacher, I might put an unruly class in detention and that is certainly not harmonious in the moment, but is based on the collective value of learning how to behave well socially.

You are dead right that predicting others' emotions in some kind of superpower way is not the way we work. For me it works in a couple of different ways. One is that I get to know someone over a period of time, build up a good feel for who they are, and then I get a much better feel for how they will react emotionally. The other is in the moment, and is pretty well unconscious - I react to the other as we interact and adjust my behaviour dynamically. I'm not so much predicting the other's emotions as doing a sort of windsurfing or skiing in the present moment, evolving my reactions on the fly, based on the body language 'terrain' of their reactions which are often very different from what they say. I must say, the second of these takes a lot of energy from me, and I don't bother unless the situation warrants it.
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I get this.

For me, what comes to mind is that I am like a sponge that will soak up their energy as the water and then fill a bucket as a way to alleviate their suffering. IDK, I just deal with a lot of people who complain a lot. I am trying to respond to them in a positive way, engage in active listening, and generally make them feel comfortable. Basically, I'm washing their feet. And not just in a metaphorical sense. I've lit many cigarettes for people, which people like, and it's in a small way a very humbling thing to do. I don't always do it when it is demanded of me, but I will do it just to show my care for them. Lighting a cigarette for them is just one tangible example. I actually just try to relate their energy back to them in a way I think will help them.

 
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QuickTwist said:
Alleviate, not elevate. Whole different meaning if I am trying to elevate their suffering... LOL.
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I have to admit myself that I whine a lot but I recognize that it was due to being in environments where everyone viewed themselves as “victims” even when they weren’t so I’m trying to recondition my brain from what it was exposed to for four decades and change to a more positive mindset but I’ll admit it’s challenging because I didn’t become negative overnight. It was due to listening to whinining quite literally everyday of my life until I eventually became just like them. So I’m challenging my friends and others to call me out on it as I do it so I can immediately stop, evaluate my behavior, and not carry it with me into my future. I want to grow not be held back by my past.
 
Hyacinth said:
I have to admit myself that I whine a lot but I recognize that it was due to being in environments where everyone viewed themselves as “victims” even when they weren’t so I’m trying to recondition my brain from what it was exposed to for four decades and change to a more positive mindset but I’ll admit it’s challenging because I didn’t become negative overnight. It was due to listening to whinining quite literally everyday of my life until I eventually became just like them. So I’m challenging my friends and others to call me out on it as I do it so I can immediately stop, evaluate my behavior, and not carry it with me into my future. I want to grow not be held back by my past.
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Changes like this can be very difficult. I have my own issues like this, and I am working on them. I guess the best way to approach it is to take one day at a time and have some grace for yourself if you don't meet that perfect standard. I think making small changes here and there, little things, is the best way to approach it. Consistency matters more than anything (which I am terrible at).
 
QuickTwist said:
Changes like this can be very difficult. I have my own issues like this, and I am working on them. I guess the best way to approach it is to take one day at a time and have some grace for yourself if you don't meet that perfect standard. I think making small changes here and there, little things, is the best way to approach it. Consistency matters more than anything (which I am terrible at).
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That’s kinda been my mindset and I’m a lot more patient with myself than I used to be because I recognize that my need to be healed doesn’t have to happen NOW. My biggest issue has been my impatience with myself and in recognizing that it was over forty years of teaching me bad habits but after removing myself from that environment it might take me just as long to not do those things that I’ve been taught. Most days I go three steps forward and two steps back, some days it’s three steps forward and three back and I don’t improve at all that day but I am a lot more forgiving to myself for how long this is taking. Usually distraction is all that’s needed and my best friends are easily able to redirect my attention to what brings me passion and I forget all about my trigger, this seems to be the best method at my own self improvement steps. Or they’ll stop me and say Jenny you’re spiraling again let’s talk about my dog and what he’s doing right now since Oakley always makes you happy and I go right back to smiling again.
 
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