Hello all! I am back from my last post about the same INFJ male, only this time, I'm getting a lot of mixed signals from him, and would appreciate some help in deciphering whether or not I'm over-analyzing as per INTJ habits, or if it's something of concern I should bring up with him. Or even, take it as a hint he's not that interested in me. It'll hurt, but I'd love to have some closure since he's been confusing me lately with his NF tendencies.
Some questions I'd like to ask, if they could be answered, would be greatly appreciated:
1. How does one differentiate between an INFJ's behavior towards a potential love interest, compared to platonic friendships, specifically with the opposite gender?
2. To what extent do you tend to over-analyze romantic signals from your potential love interest?
3. How would an INFJ behave around a potential romantic interest alone (individual date, "hanging out", etc), compared to in groups (friends, families, acquaintances, at social events)?
4. How do you, as INFJs, show romantic interest in someone? Body language, eyes, gestures, or other subtle behaviors?
Here's my story:
Few months ago, we mentioned we liked each other more than friends. We however, put our relationship aside to deal with personal losses. I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship at the time, but I liked him more than as a friend. He said he understood and gave me space, which turned out the other way around because we grew closer together both spiritually and emotionally.
We keep mentioning watching that one movie, or that sequel, of which we saw for our first date. We make references to the times we hung out at the mall, and other places where we had our previous dates. except, he's never broken the topic about becoming officially girlfriend-boyfriend. Is he just typically over-analyzing my behavior towards him? Is he waiting for the right signs to ask me, or is he already assuming we are "together?" without really saying we are?
We've been communicating via Facebook and text for the 6 months we've known each other - but I'm not even remotely sure it takes INFJs 6 months to make up their minds if they wanted to date or not? In any case, we are very close friends. Our communication fell to the lowest points in which we wouldn't text, or Facebook each other but know we were both online.
Now, however, he's introduced me to his friend, and also a few more people from his friend group he's kept since elementary or high school. We've hung out all together. I also had a chance to meet his mother, who I made a good impression on. INFJ guy got really happy after that. And wanted me to meet his dad, and I said he should come meet my family. That probably made his day.
Due to work limitations, we've hung out only twice in the past month, but whenever we meet up it never felt like we've been away from each other all this time. The thing is, as a nice INFJ guy, he acts nice in general to all his friends - including his female friends. I'm not even sure if he's showing something else with me, but I have a feeling he does? And me being a dense INTJ female, I usually don't end up picking up his signals until much, much later. He's said stuff like "I know you care about me, and I want to let you know I care about you" and things like "I like you. I like your company. I like being around you." and misc. stuff like "I usually cut friends out of my life if they bring me down, but I've kept you around all this time, so that should register something with you."
But internally, this is what I've been telling myself:
> he said "friend".
> that doesn't make sense. He's talked about the dates we had. more than friends?
> he's hung out with me one-on-one for almost an entire day, to something I dragged him to. I apologized for bringing him along, but he says he likes hanging around me. more than friends or he just wants to hang out platonically?
> he did introduce me to his friends and family, which he does with almost everyone he likes and meets. did he introduce me because friends, or as a potential girlfriend? I have a suspicion he's told his mom a lot of stuff about me, to make it more of a "intoducing a girlfriend" scenario than anything else - but I don't have enough factual evidence for that either!
> invited me over to his place, showed me his room, but what does that mean if he always invites friends over? nothing special about bringing me over? confused as heck!
> didn't hold hands, sometimes he avoids eye contact and seems to be more aloof than anything else around me. he doesn't understand my signals? doesn't know what I want?
> doesn't make sense, because I told him I liked him more than as a friend, and managed to drive that point clear to him. Or at least, I hoped I did.
> we hung out after I said that to him, ensues 9 hours of spending time together and with his friends?
> but then I asked if he wanted to hang out next week, he went "probably not, but the week after, maybe." He was aloof and closed off. What gives?
> then finally, I text him casually in the morning, and we ended up keeping each other company while he did his chores, texting non-stop for 2 hours.
I don't know, it's the fact that he has not breached the girlfriend-boyfriend conversation but has definitely hinted at it (or has become aloof whenever such topics come up when we hang out with his friends), that bothers me immensely. As an INTJ, I'm just like him: I know I want to date him, but I want to make sure I'm getting the right signals from him, just in case by bringing up the topic I would ruin the friendship that we already have established.
As you can probably see, this INFJ male is driving this INTJ gal completely INSANE! I have completely fallen for him and his nice-guy tendencies, and he's everything I want in a partner. He sees through my walls, and he's pretty much reduced me to an illogical, emotional bubble, but the thing is: I don't know if he's acting like this around me just because he sees me as a friend, or if there's potential to be something more. Or honestly, if he's already assuming we're together, in a relationship.
Could you amazing people on this forum help in this area, please?
I would love you guys all to death if you do!
Some questions I'd like to ask, if they could be answered, would be greatly appreciated:
1. How does one differentiate between an INFJ's behavior towards a potential love interest, compared to platonic friendships, specifically with the opposite gender?
2. To what extent do you tend to over-analyze romantic signals from your potential love interest?
3. How would an INFJ behave around a potential romantic interest alone (individual date, "hanging out", etc), compared to in groups (friends, families, acquaintances, at social events)?
4. How do you, as INFJs, show romantic interest in someone? Body language, eyes, gestures, or other subtle behaviors?
Here's my story:
Few months ago, we mentioned we liked each other more than friends. We however, put our relationship aside to deal with personal losses. I told him I wasn't ready for a relationship at the time, but I liked him more than as a friend. He said he understood and gave me space, which turned out the other way around because we grew closer together both spiritually and emotionally.
We keep mentioning watching that one movie, or that sequel, of which we saw for our first date. We make references to the times we hung out at the mall, and other places where we had our previous dates. except, he's never broken the topic about becoming officially girlfriend-boyfriend. Is he just typically over-analyzing my behavior towards him? Is he waiting for the right signs to ask me, or is he already assuming we are "together?" without really saying we are?
We've been communicating via Facebook and text for the 6 months we've known each other - but I'm not even remotely sure it takes INFJs 6 months to make up their minds if they wanted to date or not? In any case, we are very close friends. Our communication fell to the lowest points in which we wouldn't text, or Facebook each other but know we were both online.
Now, however, he's introduced me to his friend, and also a few more people from his friend group he's kept since elementary or high school. We've hung out all together. I also had a chance to meet his mother, who I made a good impression on. INFJ guy got really happy after that. And wanted me to meet his dad, and I said he should come meet my family. That probably made his day.
Due to work limitations, we've hung out only twice in the past month, but whenever we meet up it never felt like we've been away from each other all this time. The thing is, as a nice INFJ guy, he acts nice in general to all his friends - including his female friends. I'm not even sure if he's showing something else with me, but I have a feeling he does? And me being a dense INTJ female, I usually don't end up picking up his signals until much, much later. He's said stuff like "I know you care about me, and I want to let you know I care about you" and things like "I like you. I like your company. I like being around you." and misc. stuff like "I usually cut friends out of my life if they bring me down, but I've kept you around all this time, so that should register something with you."
But internally, this is what I've been telling myself:
> he said "friend".
> that doesn't make sense. He's talked about the dates we had. more than friends?
> he's hung out with me one-on-one for almost an entire day, to something I dragged him to. I apologized for bringing him along, but he says he likes hanging around me. more than friends or he just wants to hang out platonically?
> he did introduce me to his friends and family, which he does with almost everyone he likes and meets. did he introduce me because friends, or as a potential girlfriend? I have a suspicion he's told his mom a lot of stuff about me, to make it more of a "intoducing a girlfriend" scenario than anything else - but I don't have enough factual evidence for that either!
> invited me over to his place, showed me his room, but what does that mean if he always invites friends over? nothing special about bringing me over? confused as heck!
> didn't hold hands, sometimes he avoids eye contact and seems to be more aloof than anything else around me. he doesn't understand my signals? doesn't know what I want?
> doesn't make sense, because I told him I liked him more than as a friend, and managed to drive that point clear to him. Or at least, I hoped I did.
> we hung out after I said that to him, ensues 9 hours of spending time together and with his friends?
> but then I asked if he wanted to hang out next week, he went "probably not, but the week after, maybe." He was aloof and closed off. What gives?
> then finally, I text him casually in the morning, and we ended up keeping each other company while he did his chores, texting non-stop for 2 hours.
I don't know, it's the fact that he has not breached the girlfriend-boyfriend conversation but has definitely hinted at it (or has become aloof whenever such topics come up when we hang out with his friends), that bothers me immensely. As an INTJ, I'm just like him: I know I want to date him, but I want to make sure I'm getting the right signals from him, just in case by bringing up the topic I would ruin the friendship that we already have established.
As you can probably see, this INFJ male is driving this INTJ gal completely INSANE! I have completely fallen for him and his nice-guy tendencies, and he's everything I want in a partner. He sees through my walls, and he's pretty much reduced me to an illogical, emotional bubble, but the thing is: I don't know if he's acting like this around me just because he sees me as a friend, or if there's potential to be something more. Or honestly, if he's already assuming we're together, in a relationship.
Could you amazing people on this forum help in this area, please?
I would love you guys all to death if you do!
