infj and isfj | INFJ Forum

infj and isfj


Dec 29, 2008
Im a male infj in a relationship with an isfj.

What I find problematic about this type relationship is that the isfj (at least my girlfriend) will always criticize you about things that apply to the senses (for example, the way you smell, the way you act in public, your hygiene), whereas I tend to focus on an ideal relationship as accepting of another person's differences. Say for example I smoke, which I do, the isfj will always be critical about the smell of my breath and will not want to kiss me, whereas I'm thinking, if they truly love me, they'll accept that I'm a smoker and kiss me anyway.

Does this make any sense?
Opinions on this type relationship?
I certainly wouldn't kiss anyone who smokes. I don't find that unreasonable at all. There is nothing wrong with good hygiene. I know I, for one, wouldn't want to be with someone who can't take care of themselves properly.
idk maybe that's just my ideals I try to clean myself up after I smoke but it does get a bit tiresome
I'm highly intuitive - I rarely recognize the sensory world around me at all - and I'm still fairly sensitive to smell. I don't think this is an "S" trait over an "N" trait.

That said, I think what I've observed in ISFJ's moreso than any "N" temperament is that the conclusion they've come to for 'acceptable' behavior, hygiene, etc... is less based on a thoughtful, personal ideal and more based on the society in which they've been brought up. Which isn't that big of a deal - I mean, an icky smell can be equally distasteful regardless of how a person has reached such a conclusion. But is she embarrassed by you being a smoker and in private has no problem? Or does she simply hate the taste of stale cigarettes? This may have nothing to do with love.

I'd recommend a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. She may be telling in you a billion ways she loves you but if it's not in your primary language you may be not being catching on to it. And vice versa.