INFJ and ESTJ

[Always thinking]

I am an INFJ and my boyfriend of almost 2 years is an ESTJ.
Can anyone with this same relationship combo help me to understand how this works for you, or how it does not.
Just looking for other perspectives. Thanks!

 

[Jana]

I have a thing for ESTJs My brother, very good friends and one of the greatest love of my life are ESTJs. I like their practical skills, if they say they come at 10.00, they will come no matter what. I learnt few things.
- they are tasks oriented, their critic (and they like to critic is matter oriented, I have to learn not to take it very personally
- they probably don't want to talk about emotions or relatinoships, they get bored or scared; sometimes they will, but mostly it is - "What?"
- they often could look very stressed and tense
- they are not the best choice for crying and being very weak in front of them, but if you need someone to drive you to hospital and take care of you, they will do that because they know all informations, the best doctors etc.

 

[Always thinking]

Thank you Jana, I appreciate that information and perspective!
I do find this to be true.

 

[Lexika]

I keep at a respectable distance away from ESTJs. I appreciate their energy and their practical skills, but from conversing with a few I find that we usually have no values in common, and for me to persuade them of anything else is very hard -- they are very stubborn in their opinions. They sometimes try to "dominate" me with their logic by judging what is right or wrong thing to do, according to them. I am then supposed to just accept these judgements without question, I suppose, because they act like what they are telling me is common sense knowledge, which arouses some internal protest in me. And they are not easy to access for INFJ emotionally because their emotions are introverted and hidden, and they are not receptive to extraverted feeling Fe.

I think this is a fitting profile for what stereotypical ESTJ is like.
In socionics, the types that are the closest matches to INFJ and ESTJ are in conflict relations. INFJs are better matched with types that value their Fe and Ti, while ESTJs are better matched with types that value Fi like ExFP and IxFP.

From my experiences, I can say that a relationship between INFJ and ESTJ is going to require a lot of work and the INFJ will have to suppress himself or herself and not voice some of his or her opinions (otherwise there are definitely going to be clashes over Ti logic of INFJ and Te logic of ESTJ).

 

[Always thinking]

I keep at a respectable distance away from ESTJs. I appreciate their energy and their practical skills, but from conversing with a few I find that we usually have no values in common, and for me to persuade them of anything else is very hard -- they are very stubborn in their opinions. They sometimes try to "dominate" me with their logic by judging what is right or wrong thing to do, according to them. I am then supposed to just accept these judgements without question, I suppose, because they act like what they are telling me is common sense knowledge, which arouses some internal protest in me. And they are not easy to access for INFJ emotionally because their emotions are introverted and hidden, and they are not receptive to extraverted feeling Fe.

I think this is a fitting profile for what stereotypical ESTJ is like.
In socionics, the types that are the closest matches to INFJ and ESTJ are in conflict relations. INFJs are better matched with types that value their Fe and Ti, while ESTJs are better matched with types that value Fi like ExFP and IxFP.

From my experiences, I can say that a relationship between INFJ and ESTJ is going to require a lot of work and the INFJ will have to suppress himself or herself and not voice some of his or her opinions (otherwise there are definitely going to be clashes over Ti logic of INFJ and Te logic of ESTJ).

Thanks lexika, I so much appreciate your comment and experiences. I need others perspectives to help me to understand the relationships between these 2 types.