If you want something very much, you do not get it (like Hilary Clinton)

Artemisia

Artemisia

Community Member
MBTI
INFJ
Time and time again, I have noticed that when I really, really want something, I usually do not get it. Perhaps it is just cruel fate, perhaps I just want the wrong things, but this is a pattern I have noticed in other people as well.
Case in point Hilary Clinton. She was desperate to become president all her life and in the end she did not win.
It doesn't matter why (I am not posting this to start a political debate) but I am just pointing out the obvious.
 
No but really I experience this phenomenon on a smaller scale in terms of the always changing into a lane that turns out to be slower on the freeway, or always getting in a line at the supermarket that inevitably has a customer with a bone to pick.
 
Artemisia said:
Time and time again, I have noticed that when I really, really want something, I usually do not get it. Perhaps it is just cruel fate, perhaps I just want the wrong things, but this is a pattern I have noticed in other people as well.
Case in point Hilary Clinton. She was desperate to become president all her life and in the end she did not win.
It doesn't matter why (I am not posting this to start a political debate) but I am just pointing out the obvious.
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neitschze believed that people could never really attain what they wanted in life and thus would always want bigger and more (thats what i think anyway)
 
I think there's a cognitive bias hiding here somewhere.

When we want something, work hard and get it, we see it as well deserved. It's the normal course of things. It doesn't really stand out in our minds.

When we want something, work hard and don't get it, however, we must process the disappointment (that is relative to how badly we wanted that thing) and extract a lesson. Many of us are emotional creatures and instead of troubleshooting our strategies, we troubleshoot our beliefs and start making value judgments. Maybe I didn't deserve this. Maybe I wanted it too badly. Maybe I'm not good enough. etc.

When we get too involved in something emotionally that we feel we deserve, we start to buy into magical thinking and get over-confident. As a result, forget to check out blind spots and verify if our strategies are actually working. We also rule out dumb luck and overestimate our influence over the outcome.

Just because we want something doesn't mean we deserve to get it. And just because we don't get it doesn't mean we don't deserve it. Most events in our lives are value neutral; they are shaped by how we judge them.
 
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I get what you mean, and I agree with @Flavus Aquila , but there have certainly been times I've gotten what I really wanted.
It takes planning, discipline, modesty, and very hard work.
In situations like being president or winning an Olympic gold, the odds are so slim that people who 'deserve' or focus on the win are more likely to lose than to win.
The presidency swings on the uniformed and moody citizens. This is not about Clinton losing. Every election swings on the uniformed and moody citizens. In her case, she did a fair number of things that caused her to lose voter support because she wanted it so badly, but the truth is, even if she didn't do those things, her chances were slim.
 
Asa said:
I get what you mean, and I agree with @Flavus Aquila , but there have certainly been times I've gotten what I really wanted.
It takes planning, discipline, modesty, and very hard work.
In situations like being president or winning an Olympic gold, the odds are so slim that people who 'deserve' or focus on the win are more likely to lose than to win.
The presidency swings on the uniformed and moody citizens. This is not about Clinton losing. Every election swings on the uniformed and moody citizens. In her case, she did a fair number of things that caused her to lose voter support because she wanted it so badly, but the truth is, even if she didn't do those things, her chances were slim.
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(Trying not to go political on this thread... but I sort of fail). To me it's funny that Trump never wanted to be a politician, nor president very much. All the tapes of his being asked about it since he was a young man, through to his campaign comments on the subject are monolithically consistent on this detachment from political office. What he says is that he wanted to make a difference... and this pursuit has lead him to pick up the presidency along the way.

On the other hand, I got the feeling that Clinton really wanted to be president, and perhaps this got in her way at times.
 
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When it comes to people, there are a few reasons why wanting something too much from a
person makes them back off. One is because - assuming that too much implies wanting more
than the other person - there is an imbalance, and the other is prompted to question your value.
Another is because no one wants to let someone else down after indulging them. Another is
because it's not worth it to deal with the back-firing repercussions of not meeting someone's
too-strong emotions.

When it comes to things we want, it's similar. People can see that you want it, and that has a
psychological reaction for others to protect it.
 
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CindyLou said:
If you want something very much you will certainly get it, as long as you don't force it or try to control it. It will happen.
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it won't unless you have specific variables going for you you wont achieve that thing.in a thing like sports you have to talented and gifted if you want to become one of the if not the best
 
Think about sports though. Many athletes work their entire lives to reach that elusive gold medal. Yet even if you are top of the top, it all comes down to a few seconds sometimes, and not always because the competition is better than you but because the right circumstances at that specific moment didn't help you.
 
Artemisia said:
Not true in my opinion. Force and control sometimes have nothing to do with it.
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True. I think the loss of perspective in single-minded pursuit is far more damaging than the level of energy applied. Of course, highly energetic pursuit is all the more destructive if the train comes off the tracks.
 
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Artemisia said:
Time and time again, I have noticed that when I really, really want something, I usually do not get it. Perhaps it is just cruel fate, perhaps I just want the wrong things, but this is a pattern I have noticed in other people as well.
Case in point Hilary Clinton. She was desperate to become president all her life and in the end she did not win.
It doesn't matter why (I am not posting this to start a political debate) but I am just pointing out the obvious.
Click to expand...

I think wanting something too much makes a person over-think and obsess about doing everything right and sometimes that can get in the way of success. The energy doesn't flow naturally that way.
 
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The key word here is "desperate". We often want something, then work or nag other people and eventually get it. So often that we pay no special attention to this phenomena.
When desperation comes into play it's "I win or the world ends" type of thinking. It forces us to make mistakes and lose self-confidence. In addition we alienate other people who do not believe that the world is ending and they hamper our progress even more.
 
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