How often do you put yourself or own interests first
- Thread starter Gaze
- Start date
Well, I try to not disappoint anyone around me.
I find that it leads to a lot of conflict, but I hate letting people down.
As for the interests part, it's iffy.
I tend to exert my opinions on other people, not because I'm so needing of being right, but because I care to much to allow people to make choices that are deemed wrong by my logic.
This makes me a very stubborn person, and can get quite mean when people disagree with me.
But in the end, most people identify that I just care, and now I have an entire social group that just accommodates my idiocy, because they know I'm a good friend.
So it's sorta that I want them to be okay, through my own logic, which is my own interests.
And that I tend to ignore the wants of others, as I believe that my opinion overrides theirs.
Haha I'm bad. >.>
I find that it leads to a lot of conflict, but I hate letting people down.
As for the interests part, it's iffy.
I tend to exert my opinions on other people, not because I'm so needing of being right, but because I care to much to allow people to make choices that are deemed wrong by my logic.
This makes me a very stubborn person, and can get quite mean when people disagree with me.
But in the end, most people identify that I just care, and now I have an entire social group that just accommodates my idiocy, because they know I'm a good friend.
So it's sorta that I want them to be okay, through my own logic, which is my own interests.
And that I tend to ignore the wants of others, as I believe that my opinion overrides theirs.
Haha I'm bad. >.>
If at all possible, I try and put the needs of others before myself, because it feels much more rewarding and just right (might sound stupid, but that's how it is). Occasionally, however, I'll go rather reclusive and ignore pretty much everyone because I don't feel like it, which I guess in a way might be putting myself first, just not on an obvious conscious level.
I used to be heavily concerned more about the people around me rather than my own needs as I felt that their problems were worse than mine. Now I've learned to tone that back a bit and balance my needs/interests with everyone else's. I'm under the mentality now that if I can't handle my own situation, how am I supposed to help other people with theirs? So when I'm approached by someone now for a request/favour/help, I have to objectively look at my current situation and the time I can commit to the person's request. People that I really like/respect I generally have more leeway with but if it would risk my current situation, I'd have to say no.
+1 Yes, I'm just recently realising the importance of putting myself first in some cases. It's unhealthy to try please everyone. They will usually keep taking and taking, leaving you feel empty and unsupported. Some won't like or understand it especially when they've come to depend on you meeting their needs first, but they'll have to understand at some point, that their needs are no more important than yours.
Always
A starving man cannot help another starving man in quite the same way as a man with a cart full of food can. This is not to say I don't care about others though, it is simply the same reason a parent is told to put the oxygen mask on themselves first in a depressurized airplane cabin.
in ordinary circumstances there is a happy medium. people dont always need quite as much as it seems, they have their own direction and are happy to go along their own way, and quite understanding when you say no - people who arent drama addicts that is (who i dont have in my life anyway). im finding that as i remain motivated there is plenty of time to get the things done for myself that i need to, and then there is plenty of time remaining for showing others that i care about or support them. people who are constantly feeling drained need to work out why - they are not assertive enough, or have unresolved issues that are absorbing a lot of their energy, or are giving of themselves in inappropriate boundaryless ways, or whatever.
Usually I have to make sure everybody around me is safe and somewhat secure, recently I was putting me first but it was a struggle emotionally, I felt selfish and that I was acting selfishly, possibly because I was. I just had to reconnect with myself and find a balance which worked with my internal boundaries.