How do you nurture your extended relationships? | INFJ Forum

How do you nurture your extended relationships?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by slant, Feb 10, 2021.

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  1. slant

    slant amour-propre
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    Maybe this follows the coat tails of my previous community thread, but I suppose it's something I've been contemplating quite a bit.

    We all have aunts and uncles and coworkers and those we know from church or a specific community event, our gym, whatever.

    In terms of these relationships- as opposed to viewing it as a community- let's discuss more in the context of you just maintaining your personal relationships.

    These extended relationships we may not speak frequently, but there are little things we can do to stay in touch. My great grandmother always wrote me letters when I was a kid. She would cut pictures out of magazines and paste them on the letters. I always regret not writing her back, as a kid I just didn't prioritize it.

    What things do you do to nurture these relationships?

    I tend to mail people cards on their birthdays, including neighbors. I give cookies to families that I'm close to during the holidays. I will text a number of people happy holidays on specific holidays wishing their families well. I feel we have become more and more disconnected from these extended relationships over the generations.

    Why do you think extended relationships have become less common in society, or if you disagree, why?

    What are things you have been the recipient of that you enjoyed or surprised you from those you know but aren't particularly close to?
     
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  2. Wyote

    Wyote (#/-\[]$ ([]`/[]'|'[-
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    I like to give people Starbucks or Amazon gift codes. Also written compliments for people I'm just getting to know.
    Almost nobody does any kind of simple shit that would go a long way if they did it.
    People are very disconnected with each other and locked in to the dopamine rush of online garbage or whatever other drama they involve themselves in.
    We all get drawn into storms from time to time. Try to be somebody's sunshine for a change.
    Not to me though, I hate the Sun.
     
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  3. Winterflowers

    Winterflowers Community Member

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    Send cards on the holidays, or call now & then. Some friends prefer email or texting - that's fine, that works for me too.
    I like handwritten letters. There's something ineffable about feeling coarse paper in your hands, a tangible permanent memento that this was felt & said. Email, in spite of (or because of) its efficient immediacy & glowing digital backdrop, lacks the same verisimilitude. A well written email isn't bad, not at all, but it could be so much more if those words free in cyberspace are trapped in ink.
    Or that's my thoughts about it.

    My extended relationships tend to stay distant. Keeping up with them is difficult for me.
     
  4. Sometimes Yeah

    Sometimes Yeah Community Member

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    I keep a small notebook/doodle-pad for each relative and distant friend. I started doing this after getting mixed up about which cousin was going overseas one time.

    I just write two or three bullet points during each conversation, so I can ask how a job interview went, or whether they ended up getting a pool, etc.

    When I'm bored, I'll just look through the notebooks, and phone someone I haven't spoken to in a while. Some of my relatives are blown away that I'll keep in contact, and ask about stuff they told me about months ago. I guess it's just INTJ diligence and efficiency, which makes keeping in touch easy.
     
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  5. SpecialEdition

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    I do absolutely nothing for any extended relationship and never have. Once in a while I'll realize I haven't talked to anyone since the last funeral but I don't really try to keep in touch and they don't keep in touch with me. This is how my family has always been and will likely always continue to be. When one of us dies we will get together for a funeral and lie to ourselves and each other about how we will talk more and never do.
     
  6. Pin

    Pin "Magnificent Bastard" / Ren's Counterpart

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    I call some family members to see if everything is alright. I don't expect a lot from them because they're focused on work and maintaining homes. Life is so hard that I don't expect them to contact me a lot. If I had a lot more leisure time and leisure money I would call them.
     
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  7. QuirkyLemonFlower

    QuirkyLemonFlower Permanent Fixture

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    I don't really keep in touch with anyone other than a couple of colleagues and friends.

    I've practically stopped talking to my extended family - there's the odd person I'll message to say hi to once in a while but otherwise nothing else.

    It is me currently and it is extremely selfish, but I find it extremely difficult to be there for people right now. I hope to bounce back soon to be that little bit of sunshine to whomever needs it though.
     
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  8. OP
    slant

    slant amour-propre
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    Man this thread is depressing. No wonder society is falling to disrepair y'all have weak social capitol and benefit from society without putting the effort in to build it.

    Not that I'm any different but I'm going to start increasing my pro social behavior like volunteering and contributing time and money to public affairs. It is clear that so few do. A tragedy really.
     
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  9. Oliver

    Oliver Newbie

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    Wait, you mean there are people out there who are not close firends?! :screamcat:

    If i like them in a way i keep my bond with them. I don't have to keep it up, its there.
    Now and then i feel i like to drop a line on FB, send a sms or the like.
    When spending more time together like having a picknick i may prepare smth special to eat.

    When i meet them in the city, they get a super smooth and long hug.... depending how much i like them... and it feels like i've seen them 2 days ago even if it was 2 years.

    Thats it and tbh its not like they write all the time or care all the time... I still like them.
     
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  10. Asa

    Asa Resident palindrome
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    I'm not that good at keeping up extended relationships.

    To keep a relationship with me you need to accept that I'm going to disappear for long periods and be accidentally out of touch. Luckily, many people in my family share this trait and I'm not the most extreme one, so it flies under the radar.

    My closest friends are the same way. I keep the bonds by being there whenever they need me, supporting them during highs and lows, sending cards and small gifts for no reason, and occasionally communicating via whatever medium they prefer. (My BFF and I exchange loooooong emails.) Most people I know are musicians, artists, or writers, so I buy their new releases or prints of their work. Showing creative people support is HUGE. I send relatives (both mine and my SO's) cards during holidays and try to like all the photos of their kids on social media.
    Inside jokes also keep bonds. I also try to remember what is important to other people, including small things.


    I used to spend a lot of time counseling people, but not as much anymore because I have better boundaries. A lot of people INFXs (and sometimes INTXs) act as free therapists to are feeding off the attention they get for their drama and have no intention of solving their drama. I'd rather put that energy into a more useful avenue.
     
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  11. Scientia

    Scientia A true lady

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    I don’t nurture them. They either stay with me or they leave. I am not good at trying to keep people interested.

    I do have friends all over the world and some of them, I am certain, would take me in or help me at a moment’s notice and we both feel the same way. I don’t nurture that. It just is.
     
  12. ricardos

    ricardos Newbie

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    I advise online dating. Don’t use banal conversation starters. Get inspiration for conversation from profiles and photos of a person. Stop writing "hey, how are you"! And do not delay the date after you match. Apps are just an instrument to get to meet in person.
     
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  13. ricardos

    ricardos Newbie

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    I think it useful.
     
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  14. Aneirin

    Aneirin David
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    I reach out to all of them from time to time. For me, those connections are very important and nurturing them is a joy. If you are in my contacts you will hear from me regularly.
     
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