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Help.

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Rapture, May 16, 2010.

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  1. Rapture

    Rapture Newbie

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    I had known this person online, (INFJ) for about a year before we started to really "talk". I wasn't really interested, but he pursued me. I resisted, but fell victim to his charms. As our conversations progressed I discovered that he was everything that I held near and dear to my heart. We meet. "I LOVE YOU" pours out from him." I am skepitical despite our mental, emotional connection online, cam chats... First night together and I say something which I DO NOT remember saying, mind you we were drinking. Right after we had finished making wild, crazy love for the second time. The whole next day he was silent and I could sense that something was wrong. I kept asking what was bothering him, but he insisted that it was nothing. Somehow the subject of the previous night had came up and he says, "you seriously don't remember?" I says, "No, tell me." That's when he said, "we had just finished making love when I told you that I love you, and you told me, 'you know, the more you say it, the more it loses meaning.' (I love you), and you passed out." (Kill me now.) I was fucking shocked when he told me this, because I had no recollection. Yes, I was a little annoyed with the overflow during the day....BUT I knew that if I had said anything about it, it would hurt him, and that is the last thing that I would ever want to do. I sincerely love the man. Maybe it was my fault for not saying anything in the beginning about it, but the last thing I wanted to do was make him doubt us. Maybe my being overly cautious is to blame for this. I don't know.

    There are lots of details about what happens between now and then. Too many to recall at the moment. I'll be happy to answer any questions.



    To the point, how would such an event make you feel about someone you had deep feelings for? I miss him more than anything, I really do. I'm not even sure if this is making any sense. I feel like I am rambling. :(
     
  2. TurtleTrooper

    TurtleTrooper Community Member

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    Awww, I feel for you ENTP.

    Luckily, us INFJs are intuitive as well. Just prove to him that you really do love him. I know how you ENTPs work, and i know this isn't hard for you. As long as your future behavior doesn't reflect that statement I'm sure he'll discard it. Just try again. If you don't succeed, maybe it wasn't meant to be anyways.

    I guess if you feel like my advice isn't helpful maybe you do need to let out some more of the juicy details.

    ENTP word of advice: us INFJs are hopeless romantics even if we don't show it. make sure he doesn't think he could get truer love elsewhere.
     
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  3. Faye

    Faye ^_^
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    The fact that "I love you" becomes meaningless the more it is said is not your fault. That is just the way it is. That is cold hard Ti for you.

    However, usually when an INFJ says "I love you", they mean it more than some others would, especially if this guy is anything like me. In most cases, it would be considered cheap to say "I love you" right after having sex, but your typical INFJ male probably regards the person they are having sex with as much more than their body; I myself don't think I could enjoy sex unless I really valued the person as a person. So, it is easy to see how "I love you" could slip out after such an act- given that the act itself may be just as much spiritual as it is physical.

    Assuming that he is an INFJ and isn't a jerk (which I take is correct), then he was trying to convey to you something meaningful and was hurt by what appeared to be a rejection of that meaning. So far I've just stated the obvious. I'm trying to help though by saying that all you need to do is talk to him about it and say that you do acknowledge there were/are genuine feelings behind the words given the circumstances and the person, and if you can convey this to him, I think that he will feel much better about it.

    I didn't even answer your question, but I sorta did. If what happened were to happen to me (as an INFJ male with an ENTP female- something I someday hope for), I'd probably feel like (and this is painfully honest) a pig who is incapable of genuine feelings for her, and I would probably spend at least most of the next day hating myself (that may be just how I would react though). Do you know what I mean? The woman that I am with is someone who is so important to me that I cannot describe it, and if I felt as if she didn't see the sincerity in my words to her, I would be extremely distressed. Feeling reduced to nothing but an animal means feeling incapable of loving, which in turn means feeling incapable of being loved.

    This kind of emotional individualism is the kind of thing that makes me deeply depressed. I wouldn't want to live if I can only live as a stupid animal motivated and governed entirely by primitive drives. Such a perspective deprives me of the possibility for intelligent and meaningful human interaction.

    Maybe he feels kinda the same way.
     
  4. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    He will probably spend the next year wondering exactly what you meant and whether there was something insincere about his saying "I love you." He's an INFJ.
     
  5. OP
    Rapture

    Rapture Newbie

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    I took some of your advice. I opened up, showed my tender underbelly. It seems to have worked to a degree.

    Sorry for abandoning the thread for a bit. A new concept was introduced and right away I had to try. Thus my attention was focused on said INFJ.

    Snags, snags. If it's not one thing it's another. He is my Rubik's Cube to solve.

    You INFJs, you light up my life.

    I thank you for your imput.

    -Rapture
     
    #5 Rapture, Jun 8, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2010
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