The topic title is the core of why I'm posting this, so let me explain the situation.
I was in college doing an evening course like 9 years or so ago. While on the course, I made friends with a young lady who I later find out is an INFJ. She was generally very quiet and shy, but we got on alright. I felt like she was a bit distant at times, but I put it down to a general kind of shyness or something. I should probably also mention that at the time (and still somewhat now) I found her very attractive, though I never did or said anything to express that really because I was extremely shy myself at the time. I saw her again on the follow-up course, so there were two years where we'd sit in class together once a week and work together fairly well, though she was still generally quite quiet.
Anyways, we added each other on MSN, and some time later (maybe months or a few years, my memeory is unfortunately sketchy on that detail), she tells me about how unhappy she is living with her parents, and the relationship she was in being generally pretty bad at the time. I offer what advice I think best, for which she seems grateful enough, and not much else is heard from her for a while. Another indeterminate amount of time later (still 5 years or more before the present), she shares her unhappiness at a new hairstyle which she thinks looks terrible (including a before and after pic), and wishes she can go back. I'm a bit confused as to why she comes to me with these things considering that she's otherwise kinda distant, but I usually try to be a good friend, and she hasn't really done anything to deserve me being ignorant or anything like that, so I just tell her not to worry about it, it looks fine, and also that she can always grow it out again and have it as she did before. These things are the last I hear of her really for some years I think, though we still have each other on FB. She never really posted anything or messaged me, nor I her really, but that's fine, I assumed we'd both kinda went our separate ways as friends do sometimes (she had split up with her partner and moved to another city as well), and I never really felt like we were close to begin with.
Fast forward to this year, January. I developed kidney stones, first time I'd ever been seriously ill or the like. I was in hospital for some time, it was sort of serious because it had caused an infection, but that was easily treated and within a few months I was fine. While at hospital though, she had messaged me with a get well message, signed with a couple x's. I thought to myself "Awww that's nice, I didn't expect that". I wrote back with my thanks, said that I hoped she was okay too (cos it had been a while), and since then we've been slowly getting back in touch through text messages across FB. She was telling me about her attempts to pass her driving test, which she recently did, and I was happy for her.
I get the feeling I'm missing something though. I have wondered if she was (or is) attracted to me at times, though her distant attitude and lack of any sort of indication of that makes me think not. I do still feel like I'm missing something. Just today for example, she messaged me around midday and asked how I was doing. I said I was fine, asked how she was, and what her plans for the day were. She said she was just going to have a relaxing day at home. Y'know, a normal conversation, but... though she initiated the conversation, she didn't have much to say, and when she took longer and longer to reply, and gave short replies, I politely asked if she was busy, to which she replied "Yeah", and left it at that.
So, I am very confused. I am confused as to what exactly is going on in her head. I feel like I can't read her or the situation very well at all, why she often messages me with little to say, why she shares what she does, and often makes the focus of conversation herself and things going on with her. She seems like a good person, and I would not like to think that she is trying to use me in some way, but sometimes I wonder. Help me, INFJ's, you're my only hope!
I was in college doing an evening course like 9 years or so ago. While on the course, I made friends with a young lady who I later find out is an INFJ. She was generally very quiet and shy, but we got on alright. I felt like she was a bit distant at times, but I put it down to a general kind of shyness or something. I should probably also mention that at the time (and still somewhat now) I found her very attractive, though I never did or said anything to express that really because I was extremely shy myself at the time. I saw her again on the follow-up course, so there were two years where we'd sit in class together once a week and work together fairly well, though she was still generally quite quiet.
Anyways, we added each other on MSN, and some time later (maybe months or a few years, my memeory is unfortunately sketchy on that detail), she tells me about how unhappy she is living with her parents, and the relationship she was in being generally pretty bad at the time. I offer what advice I think best, for which she seems grateful enough, and not much else is heard from her for a while. Another indeterminate amount of time later (still 5 years or more before the present), she shares her unhappiness at a new hairstyle which she thinks looks terrible (including a before and after pic), and wishes she can go back. I'm a bit confused as to why she comes to me with these things considering that she's otherwise kinda distant, but I usually try to be a good friend, and she hasn't really done anything to deserve me being ignorant or anything like that, so I just tell her not to worry about it, it looks fine, and also that she can always grow it out again and have it as she did before. These things are the last I hear of her really for some years I think, though we still have each other on FB. She never really posted anything or messaged me, nor I her really, but that's fine, I assumed we'd both kinda went our separate ways as friends do sometimes (she had split up with her partner and moved to another city as well), and I never really felt like we were close to begin with.
Fast forward to this year, January. I developed kidney stones, first time I'd ever been seriously ill or the like. I was in hospital for some time, it was sort of serious because it had caused an infection, but that was easily treated and within a few months I was fine. While at hospital though, she had messaged me with a get well message, signed with a couple x's. I thought to myself "Awww that's nice, I didn't expect that". I wrote back with my thanks, said that I hoped she was okay too (cos it had been a while), and since then we've been slowly getting back in touch through text messages across FB. She was telling me about her attempts to pass her driving test, which she recently did, and I was happy for her.
I get the feeling I'm missing something though. I have wondered if she was (or is) attracted to me at times, though her distant attitude and lack of any sort of indication of that makes me think not. I do still feel like I'm missing something. Just today for example, she messaged me around midday and asked how I was doing. I said I was fine, asked how she was, and what her plans for the day were. She said she was just going to have a relaxing day at home. Y'know, a normal conversation, but... though she initiated the conversation, she didn't have much to say, and when she took longer and longer to reply, and gave short replies, I politely asked if she was busy, to which she replied "Yeah", and left it at that.
So, I am very confused. I am confused as to what exactly is going on in her head. I feel like I can't read her or the situation very well at all, why she often messages me with little to say, why she shares what she does, and often makes the focus of conversation herself and things going on with her. She seems like a good person, and I would not like to think that she is trying to use me in some way, but sometimes I wonder. Help me, INFJ's, you're my only hope!
