Have you found love and how do you treat that special someone?
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Aluni
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Yep, my husband. I can be 95% "myself" with him. Turns out he's an ENFP (maybe there's something to that) I totally married out of my league. We knew each other for 11 months before we got married and just had our 13th year anniversary. I don't know how he's put up with me for this long.... 
Also, my dogs. I have had 4 greyhounds over the past 9 years and they are the most beautiful souls you will ever meet!
Also, my dogs. I have had 4 greyhounds over the past 9 years and they are the most beautiful souls you will ever meet!
Jet
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It is very easy for me to love (in the agape sense not the eros), and I find endress joy in being a loving caring person. But I do not open up my true self for many.
I've spoken with @Pleiades actually about the concept of kindred sports and how rare and precious they are, even if it is only a platonic connection.
The last person I instantly clicked with was an INFJ and she has become one of my best friends and was the reason I sought more of you out.
I've spoken with @Pleiades actually about the concept of kindred sports and how rare and precious they are, even if it is only a platonic connection.
The last person I instantly clicked with was an INFJ and she has become one of my best friends and was the reason I sought more of you out.
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Yep, my husband. I can be 95% "myself" with him. Turns out he's an ENFP (maybe there's something to that) I totally married out of my league. We knew each other for 11 months before we got married and just had our 13th year anniversary. I don't know how he's put up with me for this long....
Also, my dogs. I have had 4 greyhounds over the past 9 years and they are the most beautiful souls you will ever meet!
An ENFP mate and greyhounds? You are my role model.
Jet
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It makes sense thoigh. The person you spend the most time with is yourself...you should love you.
D
Deleted member 10171
"They are alone in their MIND. They thirst for someone to understand them and make this mental connection." LOVE this!! So true - never felt alone as such as I think I'm a fairly sociable person (yes even an an introvert) but I definitely have felt alone in my thoughts.
“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” - Sylvia Plat, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
I find I do make lots of mental connections with people BUT it abruptly (sometimes) just comes to an end because (I think) people (regardless of MBTI type) are afraid to show their vulnerability and fears. Most of these connections come quite spontaneously and unexpected which often leads to a sense of the person feeling exposed (not necessarily because of me but of themselves). The fear of actually being known by someone else is a very scary experience for most people.
Unconsciously, I think I've always been looking for someone to connect with (regardless of gender) and when I did come across this amazing experience - I tried to sabotage it. Fortunately, the guy (who is now my wonderful husband) was persistent and never gave up on me. How and why he stuck it out for such a long time (I do not know - nah, I do!) but he did and I'm forever blessed and loved.
Quote: Once the connection is made, the infj will do everything it can to keep this person in their life!
I really don't like the above - it just sounds possessive and clingy. In all honesty, I/we don't do anything to keep the relationship going apart from continuing to be ourselves - that is to keep it real and honest.
“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” - Sylvia Plat, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath
I find I do make lots of mental connections with people BUT it abruptly (sometimes) just comes to an end because (I think) people (regardless of MBTI type) are afraid to show their vulnerability and fears. Most of these connections come quite spontaneously and unexpected which often leads to a sense of the person feeling exposed (not necessarily because of me but of themselves). The fear of actually being known by someone else is a very scary experience for most people.
Unconsciously, I think I've always been looking for someone to connect with (regardless of gender) and when I did come across this amazing experience - I tried to sabotage it. Fortunately, the guy (who is now my wonderful husband) was persistent and never gave up on me. How and why he stuck it out for such a long time (I do not know - nah, I do!) but he did and I'm forever blessed and loved.
Quote: Once the connection is made, the infj will do everything it can to keep this person in their life!
I really don't like the above - it just sounds possessive and clingy. In all honesty, I/we don't do anything to keep the relationship going apart from continuing to be ourselves - that is to keep it real and honest.
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I would answer this differently now than I would have a few years ago. I feel like I lived through a war where everything I believed about life was peeled away and a grim reality was revealed. I wasn't naive before....
I've been with the same person for most of my life. We love each other deeply. Is love anything like the concept people idealize? No.
Those old couples who've been together forever, who seem wise, patient, and know a secret - I feel like I know a bit of the secret now.
The idealized concept of love is a mirage. The more you seek the ideal, the perfection, the less likely you are to find real love.
What is love? I don't know.
Today I feel like it is two trees growing next to each other, sheltering each other from the wind and weather, growing together, knowing each other, roots and branches entwined, but ultimately not responsible for one another's survival.
I've been with the same person for most of my life. We love each other deeply. Is love anything like the concept people idealize? No.
Those old couples who've been together forever, who seem wise, patient, and know a secret - I feel like I know a bit of the secret now.
The idealized concept of love is a mirage. The more you seek the ideal, the perfection, the less likely you are to find real love.
What is love? I don't know.
Today I feel like it is two trees growing next to each other, sheltering each other from the wind and weather, growing together, knowing each other, roots and branches entwined, but ultimately not responsible for one another's survival.
Morgenstern36
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This is a beautiful and relatable post.
I have never fully opened up to anyone. I have found people that I can share pieces with. I have shared maybe 75% of myself, at the most. I do not like to share the deep, dark thoughts and insecurities. I do want people to see that side. This is probably a terrible thing to admit considering I am married to someone I have been with for over ten years and I also have several long term friendships.
I have never fully opened up to anyone. I have found people that I can share pieces with. I have shared maybe 75% of myself, at the most. I do not like to share the deep, dark thoughts and insecurities. I do want people to see that side. This is probably a terrible thing to admit considering I am married to someone I have been with for over ten years and I also have several long term friendships.
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To a certain degree I would agree that the original quote is true but that feeling doesn't have to be permanent. I actually think that most people have trouble connecting with someone on such a deep level that they feel at one with someone else or that there is an "understanding" there. I would guess that most people desire that level of intimacy and if they aren't really ready to give themselves over to it they might be scared off by the intensity and cut off their opportunity to explore it.
I used to believe that no one could truly love me because no one could ever truly know me. I walked through a lot of my younger years feeling that others would pour themselves into me and let me into their world but they could not comprehend my inner workings and my perspective. It wasn't that they didn't care or that they didn't try, it was more so that I was so deep into my own narrative that I blocked myself from letting go of the barrier between myself and other people and I actually prevented them from getting to know me. It often felt like I was taking a risk by sharing my world view and my emotional experience with other people because it was so important to me that I almost didn't want it to be breached or challenged. I created my own emotional loneliness even though looking back I was just subsconsciously protecting myself. I don't know what from.
That all being said, I have gone through three phases of loving someone in my life:
The first was co-dependency and a sort of love-sick desperation that was really just an abusive relationship that I thought I had to be in to save someone else. It very nearly destroyed me and made me feel like I would rather be alone forever than to risk loving someone in that way again.
The second was a complete whirlwind with an INTJ that I thought I was in love with when really he was a stepping stone out of my previous disaster who taught me to see myself and the world in a completely different light. He wanted to play psychologist and I wanted to play patient but what ended happening was we set each other free from barriers we each thought that we had. Once we were ready to step beyond that threshold we fizzled out without any hard feelings and it ended as abruptly as it began.
The third is where I am now. I have been with this man for over three years but we have known each other for over a decade. He does not understand the inner workings of my mind and he doesn't need to. He loves me without judgement and without hesitation and gives me the space to be all that I am even if he doesn't "get it." I work every day to give him the best of who I am because I fell in love with him and choose every day to love him more. Even though we have had a long term friendship letting him into my life in a more intimate way was actually scary for me but taking that risk and showing him all that I am was also deeply fulfilling. All this to say that you don't have to synchronize with someone completely to love them completely. There is an appropriate amount of mystery that can exist through two people. There will never be one single person that fulfills all of who you are - that's what other relationships in your life are for. I have different friendships that satisfy different parts of my personality so I don't drown my boyfriend lol. He has other friendships that satisfy him. It gives us room to be full individuals without trying to fit everything into one tiny box.
I hope all of you find what you need in life to feel whole.
I used to believe that no one could truly love me because no one could ever truly know me. I walked through a lot of my younger years feeling that others would pour themselves into me and let me into their world but they could not comprehend my inner workings and my perspective. It wasn't that they didn't care or that they didn't try, it was more so that I was so deep into my own narrative that I blocked myself from letting go of the barrier between myself and other people and I actually prevented them from getting to know me. It often felt like I was taking a risk by sharing my world view and my emotional experience with other people because it was so important to me that I almost didn't want it to be breached or challenged. I created my own emotional loneliness even though looking back I was just subsconsciously protecting myself. I don't know what from.
That all being said, I have gone through three phases of loving someone in my life:
The first was co-dependency and a sort of love-sick desperation that was really just an abusive relationship that I thought I had to be in to save someone else. It very nearly destroyed me and made me feel like I would rather be alone forever than to risk loving someone in that way again.
The second was a complete whirlwind with an INTJ that I thought I was in love with when really he was a stepping stone out of my previous disaster who taught me to see myself and the world in a completely different light. He wanted to play psychologist and I wanted to play patient but what ended happening was we set each other free from barriers we each thought that we had. Once we were ready to step beyond that threshold we fizzled out without any hard feelings and it ended as abruptly as it began.
The third is where I am now. I have been with this man for over three years but we have known each other for over a decade. He does not understand the inner workings of my mind and he doesn't need to. He loves me without judgement and without hesitation and gives me the space to be all that I am even if he doesn't "get it." I work every day to give him the best of who I am because I fell in love with him and choose every day to love him more. Even though we have had a long term friendship letting him into my life in a more intimate way was actually scary for me but taking that risk and showing him all that I am was also deeply fulfilling. All this to say that you don't have to synchronize with someone completely to love them completely. There is an appropriate amount of mystery that can exist through two people. There will never be one single person that fulfills all of who you are - that's what other relationships in your life are for. I have different friendships that satisfy different parts of my personality so I don't drown my boyfriend lol. He has other friendships that satisfy him. It gives us room to be full individuals without trying to fit everything into one tiny box.
I hope all of you find what you need in life to feel whole.
Morgenstern36
Regular Poster
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Littlelissa
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Have I found love?
I would say no. I think I loved to the extent that I was able to at the time, and the various relationships I have had, had some degree of love in them. However to really feel known and to really know someone I don't think I have experienced this.
I would say no. I think I loved to the extent that I was able to at the time, and the various relationships I have had, had some degree of love in them. However to really feel known and to really know someone I don't think I have experienced this.
ZcM4xzkjgzCjytBc
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t5juyt
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A beautiful relationship?
t5juyt
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Yep, my husband. I can be 95% "myself" with him. Turns out he's an ENFP (maybe there's something to that) I totally married out of my league. We knew each other for 11 months before we got married and just had our 13th year anniversary. I don't know how he's put up with me for this long....
Also, my dogs. I have had 4 greyhounds over the past 9 years and they are the most beautiful souls you will ever meet!
Lately, I've been paying a lot of attention to functional stacks. For INFJs it's Ni-Fe-Ti-Se; for ENFPs, Ne-Fi-Te-Si. That tempts me to interpret you saying you married out of your league as "you stepped outside of yourself" to find your complimentary counterpart.
Aluni
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