General questions

[Eventhorizon]

I have encountered a second instance in my life of a woman who believes I have led her on in regarding interest on my part toward her someway. My perspective is that I have said little if anything to her other than "hello" if she has said hello. Answered direct questions from her using as few words as possible as I do with most people. Treating her as I do most people meaning that I do not go out of my way to interact with them. Somehow this has been misinterpreted as interest on my part?
Can anyone give any insight into the thinking processes where this type of scenario makes sense? Again this is the second time something like this has taken place. The first was a girl that was cute and who I would have liked to have gone out with to learn more about however she became upset regarding my interest in taking such endeavor slower than she wanted. This most recent interest is not something I have any interest at all in pursuing in any way. Not that this is relevant I suppose.

 

[SpecialEdition]

Hold on. How did this conversation come about? How did the accusation arise? This is necessary info.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Hold on. How did this conversation come about? How did the accusation arise? This is necessary info.

Hopefully ideas can be presented without the information you have requested.
My attempting to tell you how I know what I know would only confuse the issue and I think would draw attention away from my question in a way that would not benefit me with any new ideas.

 

[SpecialEdition]

Hopefully ideas can be presented without the information you have requested.
My attempting to tell you how I know what I know would only confuse the issue and I think would draw attention away from my question in a way that would not benefit me with any new ideas.

...That's absolutely not helpful, but let me lay out for you the possibilites.

Telling someone you feel led on by them when there was almost zero indication of real romantic interest is what happens when you want to back them into a corner and get them to talk about whatever "feelings" they might have and whether or not they are hidden or just not expressed. Some people will read signals that are not there because they get caught up in hope, and they look at every interaction through a lens of hope. They can't see that you just aren't interested because that's not what they want to see.

Otherwise, you were behaving in a way that actually did lead her to believe that you may have some interest in her even if you didn't actively pursue her. Perhaps these are signals that were subtle and unknown to you and because of that she was lead to believe that you might be interested. To sooth her ego, she is now throwing accusations at you.

There would have to be some event that occurred where this topic came up. If your communication was that sparse then it's hard for me to imagine how this ever came up. A situation must have been created where that dialogue would be open, and it may be that particular situation that brought forth the conversation that made her feel that you had interest in her. So now she is defensive because she misread you, or you mis-communicated.

 

[sassafras]

If you kept everything straightforward and noncommittal, the answer is this person’s feelings for you have warped your interactions into being more than they are. If you’re finding this to be a pattern in your life, perhaps you’re not being as neutral as you think. Or you just happen attract those crazy kind of people.

Barring more information, it's more likely one of those.

 

[MrSquared]

I have said little if anything to her other than "hello" if she has said hello. Answered direct questions from her using as few words as possible as I do with most people. Treating her as I do most people meaning that I do not go out of my way to interact with them. Somehow this has been misinterpreted as interest on my part?

Sounds like a one sided infatuation if you ask me. People have them all of the time and I doubt that there's is much you can do about it beside continue being you. If you honestly have no interest and have consciously taken steps to try and not lead her on, then isn't your conscience clear? I understand your desire to comprehend "why" this is happening, but there's not much you can really do besides re-evaluate your own actions/emotions/etc and then do your best in any future situations.

sounds like her problem, not yours my friend. Just my interpretation. Take or leave.

 

[Eventhorizon]

...That's absolutely not helpful, but let me lay out for you the possibilites.

Telling someone you feel led on by them when there was almost zero indication of real romantic interest is what happens when you want to back them into a corner and get them to talk about whatever "feelings" they might have and whether or not they are hidden or just not expressed. Some people will read signals that are not there because they get caught up in hope, and they look at every interaction through a lens of hope. They can't see that you just aren't interested because that's not what they want to see.

Otherwise, you were behaving in a way that actually did lead her to believe that you may have some interest in her even if you didn't actively pursue her. Perhaps these are signals that were subtle and unknown to you and because of that she was lead to believe that you might be interested. To sooth her ego, she is now throwing accusations at you.

There would have to be some event that occurred where this topic came up. If your communication was that sparse then it's hard for me to imagine how this ever came up. A situation must have been created where that dialogue would be open, and it may be that particular situation that brought forth the conversation that made her feel that you had interest in her. So now she is defensive because she misread you, or you mis-communicated.

That was helpful. My knowledge of this in this instance came about because I overheard a conversation about me. I am not prone to listening to others conversation and will actually go out of my way to avoid it. However in this instance I heard my name and tuned in briefly to hear the general idea behind the conversation and ended up listening to enough of it to come to the conclusion I have.

Now I honestly do not believe I have done anything to give a false impression to anyone concerning this type of thing. I dont stick around long to talk to anyone. Certainly not her. Not that theres anything wrong with her but as women go she did not spark additional interest on my part. This is where my confusion comes in and while this time is more muted then the first time.. I never thought I would see something like this much less a repeat in my life.

Anyway your post was helpful so thank you for it.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Did you perhaps unconsciously give signs of interest? Like standing close, staring too much or using winking smileys?

No I am fairly certain I did not. Seriously I just cant see anything I have done as being misconstrued as such. No conversation at all. And occasional hello etc. There were a few times she asked me several questions in a row but none significant of anything. ..

 

[Scientia]

No I am fairly certain I did not. Seriously I just cant see anything I have done as being misconstrued as such. No conversation at all. And occasional hello etc. There were a few times she asked me several questions in a row but none significant of anything. ..

Then, I am going on the assumption that she is not sane.

 

[SpecialEdition]

That was helpful. My knowledge of this in this instance came about because I overheard a conversation about me. I am not prone to listening to others conversation and will actually go out of my way to avoid it. However in this instance I heard my name and tuned in briefly to hear the general idea behind the conversation and ended up listening to enough of it to come to the conclusion I have.

Now I honestly do not believe I have done anything to give a false impression to anyone concerning this type of thing. I dont stick around long to talk to anyone. Certainly not her. Not that theres anything wrong with her but as women go she did not spark additional interest on my part. This is where my confusion comes in and while this time is more muted then the first time.. I never thought I would see something like this much less a repeat in my life.

Anyway your post was helpful so thank you for it.

LOL So this chick didn't even have the balls to say something to your face. Instead she is constructing this fantasy behind your back to your other co-workers? HAHA. This bitch is a joke. I would not worry about this now.

 

[Eventhorizon]

LOL So this chick didn't even have the balls to say something to your face. Instead she is constructing this fantasy behind your back to your other co-workers? HAHA. This bitch is a joke. I would not worry about this now.

My guess is its something like a crush only taken out of context within the mind. No i am not trying to stoke my ego. In truth its not something I understand. My only real question I suppose is why do I encounter these things. Primarily why do women talk to other people about people they may be interested in when that same person can overhear them? And actually now that I think of it this has probably happened a third time previously.
I have to wonder if these things simply do not happen to most people but that it is because I am overly perceptive that I pick up on it where others would not.
Anyway thanks again.

Edit: sorry I have no reason to believe that men would not be susceptible to this type of thing as well. I say women because this is what I have personally encountered.

Just thinking now... I wonder if my nit talking to many people makes me seem a bit like an elusive celebrity. Someone rarely seen and interesting because of that.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Then, I am going on the assumption that she is not sane.

I hope thats being harsh. Meaning it might just be something like a crush right. But yes that is ultimately a worry. People building things in their minds that never happened. ..

 

[SpecialEdition]

My guess is its something like a crush only taken out of context within the mind. No i am not trying to stoke my ego. In truth its not something I understand. My only real question I suppose is why do I encounter these things. Primarily why do women talk to other people about people they may be interested in when that same person can overhear them? And actually now that I think of it this has probably happened a third time previously.
I have to wonder if these things simply do not happen to most people but that it is because I am overly perceptive that I pick up on it where others would not.
Anyway thanks again.

Edit: sorry I have no reason to believe that men would not be susceptible to this type of thing as well. I say women because this is what I have personally encountered.

Just thinking now... I wonder if my nit talking to many people makes me seem a bit like an elusive celebrity. Someone rarely seen and interesting because of that.

Why does anyone encounter anything with the opposite sex? I have had a lot of guys blame me for leading them on. I thought I was just being polite and they took it way out of proportion and literally could NOT understand that they totally misinterpreted everything I ever said and did. I don't change the nature of who I am just in case someone might become attracted to me and can't handle if I don't want to be with them... in any respect. This kind of shit happens to a lot of people all the time. ALL THE TIME.

I don't think that anyone thinks of you as this elusive celebrity but I do think that a lot of people will either be put off or intrigued by a person who doesn't fall into the regular social atmosphere of the work environment. People do love to speculate but I don't think they're placing a status on you for it. It's just human nature to try to sort out what someone else is all about. It's nothing special about you and really has nothing to do with you at all. You are as you are, and they are as they are. It just so happens that they've chummed up together to have a little chat about it.

INTJ's have a tendency to be perceptive about some things but sometimes are not as socially aware and adept at picking up on subtle nuances and styles of social behaviour, especially in that in the opposite sex. I don't mean that as being insulting, it's just a byproduct of the INTJ mind... That is to say, it's not a natural, intuitive talent. It's more like cataloguing people and behaviours to compartmentalize and try to make sense of irrational things in a rational way... Which is impossible.

People are so fucking fickle all the time, and this is nothing against females, but females tend to be so much more in the flow of social atmosphere and expectation that they may think and feel one way in one particular circumstance with particular people but can be in complete opposition to that if the tide changes.

It's just how it is.

 

[Trifoilum]

Hmm..It depends on a lot of things:

1) She might have been attracted to you to begin with (you may be hot or at least her type). That will serve as oil to the fire that is the barest interactions you have.
2) I would suggest you to reflect on your own status / performance in your workplace. If you are the silent type, or if you typically aren't talkative; the slightest interaction would suggest that you're going out of your way to interact with her.
3) Reflect about the setting. You might interact with her in particular times; times of stress, times of happiness; thus painting your interaction in a particular hue.

Nevertheless, the unreasonable party seems to be the woman here. I'm really sorry to hear that this happened to you. I hope things will get resolved soon.

 

[Eventhorizon]

Why do people change their screen names here ane then pretend as if they dont know you.

Nit a big deal to be other than I am transfixed by puzzles.

 

[Free]

Hmm.. perhaps they are just reinventing themselves because of something they feel guilty about, or ashamed of, or maybe they're just bored. I really can't say. People are so strange sometimes.

 

[just me]

It doesn't necessarily mean anything negative, though it could. Maybe some people look at it like changing their avatar. I, personally, can't think of a better name for myself.
"Halt! Who goes there?"
"It's just me."