Freezing Up

[j75ejcyj7]

Hi -

Whenever someone asks me my opinion I freeze up. I think of all the things they may want to hear instead of actually answering the question. In fact, I think of the answers before the other person even responds. This the same pattern that causes me to try to predict exactly how the future will go.

This makes my SO pretty upset because my answers usually have nothing to do with the topic. Any experience with this pattern?

 

[INFJ16]

So this probably doesn't have an easy fix to it. The answer is simple though: you have to be firm enough in your beliefs and opinions to not care or worry about what other people think. But you can care about what other people think and not let it affect what you say or do. How? Practice, I guess. How sad would it be if you want your whole life speaking other people's minds and never your own? You have a unique perspective that you should share. No matter what you say some people will agree and some won't. I know how difficult it is to hear that you can't make everyone happy with you, but it's the truth. You don't have to be okay with that, but you should at least respond accordingly.

People ask for your opinion. That means something. Don't disappoint them by not giving them a truthful and personalized 'you' answer. Whenever I hear about people saying things that other people want to hear, I think of the movie Runaway Bride (starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere). If you haven't seen it, you should. The main character struggles with being honest about what she wants and tells her romantic interests things such as liking her eggs the same exact way as them. In her case she didn't know what she wanted so she had to spend some time by herself to figure it out. If you already know what you want/know how you feel about things, all you have to do is say it.

Somehow you need to find the courage to express yourself. Most people are going to respect and like you more for it.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

Hi -

Whenever someone asks me my opinion I freeze up. I think of all the things they may want to hear instead of actually answering the question. In fact, I think of the answers before the other person even responds. This the same pattern that causes me to try to predict exactly how the future will go.

This makes my SO pretty upset because my answers usually have nothing to do with the topic. Any experience with this pattern?

What if they just want to hear the truth?
Why the mental gymnastics?

 

[j75ejcyj7]

So this probably doesn't have an easy fix to it. The answer is simple though: you have to be firm enough in your beliefs and opinions to not care or worry about what other people think. But you can care about what other people think and not let it affect what you say or do. How? Practice, I guess. How sad would it be if you want your whole life speaking other people's minds and never your own? You have a unique perspective that you should share. No matter what you say some people will agree and some won't. I know how difficult it is to hear that you can't make everyone happy with you, but it's the truth. You don't have to be okay with that, but you should at least respond accordingly.

People ask for your opinion. That means something. Don't disappoint them by not giving them a truthful and personalized 'you' answer. Whenever I hear about people saying things that other people want to hear, I think of the movie Runaway Bride (starring Julia Roberts and Richard Gere). If you haven't seen it, you should. The main character struggles with being honest about what she wants and tells her romantic interests things such as liking her eggs the same exact way as them. In her case she didn't know what she wanted so she had to spend some time by herself to figure it out. If you already know what you want/know how you feel about things, all you have to do is say it.

Somehow you need to find the courage to express yourself. Most people are going to respect and like you more for it.

Well put. Thank you for your input. I have practiced a few times today and it went positively.

 

[INFJ16]

Well put. Thank you for your input. I have practiced a few times today and it went positively.

Yay! Keep it up!

 

[Ryso89]

I wear this particular caution in new places of work and around people I don't intend to really get to know. I've learned to spit truth regardless. I just don't care if people like me. I don't need them anyhow. How they construe (or misconstrue) certain information isn't my problem. Usually in situations like this, I do feel like I owe them an explanation that reaches far and wide beyond the time and energy needed in order to explain something, resulting in my own frustration with "exposing" myself a little too much to people I'm not close with. Other factors involved are introversion, and our (INFJ) obvious need for privacy, and for trust to have been established. Given, this all depends on the nature of the question. Is it a personal subject? Counselor me will provide a deep and thorough examination / explanation trying to fix someone's issue. That all depends too, however... I'm getting really in deep with this, and now, I think it's time to freeze up. Bye.

 

[MrSquared]

Hi -

Whenever someone asks me my opinion I freeze up. I think of all the things they may want to hear instead of actually answering the question. In fact, I think of the answers before the other person even responds. This the same pattern that causes me to try to predict exactly how the future will go.

This makes my SO pretty upset because my answers usually have nothing to do with the topic. Any experience with this pattern?

So... I don't think you can truly perform in public what you don't practice in private. So in this case... If you really would like to be more honest with people and share your true opinions with them (directly and immediately when asked)... You'll probably want to practice beforehand, know your stances on most everything, and kinda coach yourself to the point where you can share your stances without interpreting what someone else might want to hear.

They asked you j75ejcyj7. So perhaps they want the j75ejcyj7 truth as you see it.

Good luck!

 

[acd]

Keep in mind that it's OK to disagree with people and still be amicable. Disagreement doesn't destroy relationships. We cannot be everything to everyone. Be yourself and it should be enough. The right people are drawn to you when you are yourself. I don't know what you have gone through in your life, but this is a pattern to break if you want to maintain healthy relationships with others. The first step is accepting yourself and getting in touch with who you are. Try talking kindly to yourself internally, the way you would talk to someone else who needed compassion. If you make a mistake, forgive yourself. It's hard, but focus on the present rather than the future. When you are truly present, you are more receptive to receive flashes of insight that you would have otherwise missed (or misinterpreted!) because you were too busy trying to force it by predicting the future.