Fight or flight? | INFJ Forum

Fight or flight?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by Skrimpshidy, Jan 29, 2019.

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  1. Skrimpshidy

    Skrimpshidy Community Member

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    Not sure where to start. This will probably be rambling too. It's hard to express my thoughts into words too.Feels like I'm about to divulge way more than appropriate on a forum for a bunch of people I don't know. But, somehow this is important and feel more than one needs to hear this. Not sure if I need or want advise or what. Just having a heavy heart.

    So, I had a conversation with a very intelligent man who I respect. He's also my boss.

    Throughout my life, I've lost EVERYTHING right down to my shoes at least 4 times. I'm 42 years old. Something gets taken, either stollen, I get ripped off, relationships, right down to being falsely accused and spending months in jail. I even quit the martial art I trained in for almost a decade. Just walked away because of a falling out with just one person at the dojo.

    Not once did I ever fight for anything. Just cut my losses and moved on. My boss is the one who pointed that out. He said "You are always the one moving on while everyone gets what they want from you. You do nothing about it. Why should you be moving on all the time?"

    My response was, it's just easier. Most of it is just stuff. If someone doesn't want me then I just go on.

    He said "No! You took the time to save and plan for everything in your life. You looked forward to getting those things and we're excited about it. That was all part of you and your life. What made you happy. It's time to start caring about yourself!"

    It never dawned on me. Maybe I don't care about myself. Feels like I do. He has a point. It's just easier to cow tow and let go. It's like, I can always rebuild, and I do. I can always meet someone else, and I do.

    I'm in the process finally, of rebuilding one more time. It's slow, but weird things happened so it's really really slow.

    This time, there's a new thought process thanks to this man. I'm going to fight and keep everything this time. I'm going back to my martial art. Maybe not the same dojo, but still not giving it up.

    Too many times in my life, I just give up. Thinking it's all my fault. I screw it all up. It's just easier emotionally. It's weird, I'm passive in all areas of life. Well, unless alcohol is involved, then I fight back, just very inappropriate, and verbally to the wrong people. Which is why I hardly drink.

    What spurred this was losing my girlfriend recently. She's also and INFJ, and despite how badly I screwed up, I'm not blocked. Communication is still open. Every other relationship I let go. Friends, family, wife, girlfriends..... just walked away.

    Most of my life I've fought to just move on. I wonder how many others do the same. It seems something specific to INFJ. Not sure. Only ever met one thattI know of that's my ex.
     
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  2. Wyote

    Wyote ○●○
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    INFJs can suffer from extreme avoidance.
    This never solves anything, and in fact generally just delays an inevitable worse outcome.
    You'll never know what it's like in life to feel a state of flow in the pursuit of a personal cause, if you can't fight.
    It's a big component of living, some argue it is the very essence of life, which you are missing out on if you live in a state of avoidance.
    Tension is necessary for growth. Balancing on the line between "fight" and "flight" is where the magic happens.

    [​IMG]
     
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    Skrimpshidy

    Skrimpshidy Community Member

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    Absolutely!!!!

    Well, today is the first time I actually went and fought for something I was just going to walk away from! Not that it was a fight. But, had the guts to go and do what it took to keep it! Pretty proud of myself right now!

    First step, hopefully towards the many of this new journey.
     
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  4. ClevelandINTP

    ClevelandINTP Permanent Fixture

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    Sorry to hear this. If it’s any consolation, I’ve fought and fought for stuff for years, and it still gets taken away in one form or another.

    Maybe during this process, learn which things to let go and which to fight over and how much you’re willing to fight
     
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