*I have realised that this is for the relationships board but I don't know how to change this to it*
As to why I feel like cruddy, cruddy poop-fantastic (???) - is due to people not seeing from my conduction - in my face, the default amount of care and hypothesising that I do, always regarding the people that I encounter regularly, and for the chance encounters that I have as well. It sometimes puts me into a state of shock and mental paralysis upon reflection of these situations, when I think of people thinking of me as being this brain-dead moron, because of my lack of facial expressions, lack of intonation and quietness. They know that I can speak - they've seen me do it before when I have been prompted to do so. Just because I might need assistance on getting started, that doesn't mean that what it is that I have to say, is unimaginative and irrelevant points of information that others won't be interested in - I feel that I am pretty attuned to gauge the source of directions that people will come up with and would like to take within a conversation.
In fact, I could probably talk the ear off of a person, and be quite coherent about doing so during the process. It is just that, when I have had conversations with my immediate family members, after a withdrawing sigh, they say to me that I talk too much and that I stress them out from that. (ever since that persisting comment some years ago, I have, because of it, always been apprehensive over speaking for longer lengths of time than I currently am doing). I think that what the problem is, (with the immediate family and other people as well now) is that, due to their not being able to get an understanding for me, they then feel that they could not possibly smoothly interject something into my comments. I think that people think of me as being someone who is impenetrable and unwilling to get out of narrow-view, due to, again, how little readability my face provides. But in my opinion, I feel that the issue is that they don't adapt their approach enough.
- I'm different enough to be rejected socially, but not different enough to be adapted for, in speaking (what an convenient reason for their laziness to be nurtured).
It is this constant rebounding bullshit, of not being different enough to be considered for, but different enough for exclusion without any reservations on their part.
Being able to sometimes talk to autistics in my day to day school days, still doesn't do much in getting me to stop worrying, over this tide, I feel, of neurotypical people indulging in their self-importance to look their noses down at me - to satisfy their urge and thought to make me feel alienated - why don't they go against upsetting me? Is it because of my showing to be not visibly upset?
If I am autistic then I am not severely so, like they are, so, whilst the commonalities and common-ground between us make me feel like they are quite soothing to me, the blockage of their differing intellectual abilities and capacity leave me feeling like I am longing for the attempt to climb the fence and be upgraded to feeling mightier and fulfilled.
As to why I feel like cruddy, cruddy poop-fantastic (???) - is due to people not seeing from my conduction - in my face, the default amount of care and hypothesising that I do, always regarding the people that I encounter regularly, and for the chance encounters that I have as well. It sometimes puts me into a state of shock and mental paralysis upon reflection of these situations, when I think of people thinking of me as being this brain-dead moron, because of my lack of facial expressions, lack of intonation and quietness. They know that I can speak - they've seen me do it before when I have been prompted to do so. Just because I might need assistance on getting started, that doesn't mean that what it is that I have to say, is unimaginative and irrelevant points of information that others won't be interested in - I feel that I am pretty attuned to gauge the source of directions that people will come up with and would like to take within a conversation.
In fact, I could probably talk the ear off of a person, and be quite coherent about doing so during the process. It is just that, when I have had conversations with my immediate family members, after a withdrawing sigh, they say to me that I talk too much and that I stress them out from that. (ever since that persisting comment some years ago, I have, because of it, always been apprehensive over speaking for longer lengths of time than I currently am doing). I think that what the problem is, (with the immediate family and other people as well now) is that, due to their not being able to get an understanding for me, they then feel that they could not possibly smoothly interject something into my comments. I think that people think of me as being someone who is impenetrable and unwilling to get out of narrow-view, due to, again, how little readability my face provides. But in my opinion, I feel that the issue is that they don't adapt their approach enough.
- I'm different enough to be rejected socially, but not different enough to be adapted for, in speaking (what an convenient reason for their laziness to be nurtured).
It is this constant rebounding bullshit, of not being different enough to be considered for, but different enough for exclusion without any reservations on their part.
Being able to sometimes talk to autistics in my day to day school days, still doesn't do much in getting me to stop worrying, over this tide, I feel, of neurotypical people indulging in their self-importance to look their noses down at me - to satisfy their urge and thought to make me feel alienated - why don't they go against upsetting me? Is it because of my showing to be not visibly upset?
If I am autistic then I am not severely so, like they are, so, whilst the commonalities and common-ground between us make me feel like they are quite soothing to me, the blockage of their differing intellectual abilities and capacity leave me feeling like I am longing for the attempt to climb the fence and be upgraded to feeling mightier and fulfilled.
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