[INFJ] Fear of the unknown...

[Raymond Anthony Frankfort]

Hey guys, I've been reflecting upon my fears, especially to heights. I love heights with my heart but fear them with my mind. I get mad at this cowardly flesh avatar for not doing what I instruct it to do. The fear of heights is irrational to me, because I intensely crave heights. What I want is up there: clouds, cool wind, peace, freedom, beauty, vastness, serenity, etc. I jumped from 10,000 feet two years ago and it was liberating. That sealed the deal for me. I'm buying a wing suit and everything for when my dream moment in life comes. I love earth, but I'd rather fly. Always wanted to be a fighter pilot, until I realized that it wasn't going to fulfill me. So I opted to become a helicopter mechanic/crew-chief so I could at least be able to fly over the clouds and smell them for six years while I figured out what to do next in life.

Did my time, got out, fast forward to right now, and I still haven't been able to climb my roof, which is 16' tall, so I can look at the stars at night. They give me a feeling of nostalgia and melancholy. Climbing this roof is harder than anything I've ever done in life. It looks so easy, my buddies do it in my face and laugh (and it makes me feel so powerless), yet I can only bring my arms over it, but I don't feel safe dangling my legs "so high". They tell me it's inexplicable how they've seen me do so much, yet this little thing is such a big obstacle.

I am physically flexible and strong and I know I will not lose grip and that I have done physical feats 100x harder than this one, but it's so mental, it takes away my inner strength. I feel my fear as a giant as soon as I open my window and walk over the ledge of the top story of my house. My fear is bigger than the mountains I want to fly over one day. Every day I try to climb this darn roof, and it looks unsafe, even though I am more than 100% sure I got it, so like a defeated dog, I retreat back to the house with my tail between my legs feeling incapable and weak.

Can be day or night, and I feel like a bigger me is watching over me just waiting for my failure to mock me. When I realize I can't fathom the mental strength to push with my legs hard and just climb the roof, I feel the biggest shame, disappointment, and urge to cry. I literally feel like when I was little and I felt rejection. I think the desire to cry is self-pity, which in that case I don't even want to think about it, because if I have pity for my self, I have fallen the lowest and I don't want my mind to acknowledge that new threshold of inferiority.

But about an hour and a half ago, something popped in my mind: the principle of FEAR. It was in such an elemental presentation, that I started walking around the word in my mind. And this might seem like common-sense to you, but to me it has been my biggest realization. I told myself bluntly, "If you fear the unknown, how do you know you fear it?" I paused for a second, and then said outloud, "Because you know fear. And my eyes turned to the clock and it changed to 3:33 and I felt like something was lifted from my mind. Like I internally blinked. Can't explain it. But it makes so much sense to me, I'm trying to apply it right now. Has this happened to anyone?

This might seem something so irrelevant or small, but I think this is the answer I've been looking for all my life. I had to share it because maybe it'll help another INFJ mind inside a mind inside a mind.

 

[Raymond Anthony Frankfort]

I am not feeling fear, but I was reading something and my eyes turned and it was 4:44. I channeled the chill I felt so it didn't make my mind suspicious of it being fear-related, but I'm sure I would've felt it if I wouldn't have caught the thought in time. I think I just learned a new trick of catching what seems to be the newborn thoughts before they get processed with emotion and reach their destination from which I read them. This feels like having lots of money in the bank, guys. It's like I just acquired a new skill for dealing with my problems and in a few minutes, I have re-arranged a lot of mental mess.

 

[Raymond Anthony Frankfort]

OK, I've been pondering at this and I think I'm getting a little bit of the answer, guys. I think it's that we fear the PLACEHOLDER for fear instead of the actual contents of what we believe contains fear, or fear-inducing content. Because we don't know the actual contents of this supposed fear container, for some reason we automatically associate the lack of knowledge with fear instead of with a more useful emotion.

Example: You don't pet a stranger's dog unless you let it sniff you. Maybe you have a slight nervousness, or pure anticipation of what could happen with his mouth and your hand, because you don't know the dog, so you take a cautious and gentle approach with it. Something that people consider being a fear-influenced, safety-oriented decision. You cannot predict the dog's action because you haven't seen him execute the action before, so...whatever...I got burned out. I can't finish this. What I'm feeling right now is the mental equivalent of clutch slippage due to excessive wear, ha-ha.

EDIT: I need to go ride my motorcycle really fast now. I'm starting to think that fear is a loop-holing, cob-webbing, mind-f@cking son of a whore.

 

[Quiet]

Hey [MENTION=6555]Raymond Anthony Frankfort[/MENTION]

Im not sure i understand exactly what you mean but i too have spent a lot of time analysing and trying to understand the emotion of fear.

It may sound simplistic and black and white, but i believe there is a scale with fear being at one end and Love being at the polar opposite. I think that all other emotions and experiences can be simplified to either a base emotion and motivation of either Love or fear.

Whenever i think/do anything, i try to ask myself, is this thought coming from a place of fear or Love?. Although i see fear as a negative condition, i dont think that we need to be afraid of fear or hate fear. We just need to be aware of fear and not let it cripple us and delude us. Feeling fear is important, because it highlights an issue in our lives that we need to understand and address. It shows us the more unconcious influences that underlie our thoughts and actions. We just need to understand that we are feeling it and push ourselves foward regardless. There are many ways of doing this. We can use logic and reason to understand our fear, and we can consciously change our thoughts when we feel caught in the grip of fear. I like to imagine the worst case scenario, accept it, and then move past it. The easiest way for me to get past my fear now is to simply embrace Love. Love is the most powerful of all emotions and thoughts. It conquors all and allows us to see clearly. It illuminates, it transcends and it allows us appreciate All That Is. I have come to equate Love with conciousness. I now see Love and conciousness as the same thing.

Although i dont believe that it is healthy or productive to 'fear' fear itself, i do think we need to ensure we do not get caught up in it. We create our reality with our thoughts, feelings and beliefs. When we are mentally trapped in fear, we attract situations around us to reinforce that fear. The physical manifestation of that fear can reinforces the beliefs and thoughts of the person. This creates a viscious cycle. This can lead to a person believing they are caught up in hell, like they have no control over their circumstances and that life is something that is happening to them, rather than seeing Life as something they are an active creator and participant in. The only hell the person is in is the one they have created themselves. They have effectively become stuck in a mind prison. They can escape anytime they want to but first they need to become aware that it is their very thoughts, attitudes and beliefs that hold them prisoner.

Rather than trying to escape fear, walk towards Love. Love makes everything make sense. It brings us joy and grace. Anything is possible in Love. It allows us to create consciously and effectively, rather than mindlessly. It allows us to act, rather than react. Love, consciousness, gives us strength and control. It enables us to create what we want rather than create what we fear or are trying to avoid. With Love, we have no limitations because we are directly linked to current of All That is. We understand how it is all interconnecetd and we see our face in all other faces. We understand what we are. We understand perfectly that there is not a thing in this entire existance and history of creation that can possibly hurt us. We are absolutely free and powerful. There is nothing to fear and nothing to lose. Only more and more to gain, enjoy and create.

I hope you enjoyed your bike ride

 

[AhSver]

Never felt fear of unknown. Wonder. Curiosity. Excitement.

 

[muir]

333 is the number of Choronzon the demon of dispersion....it is the thing at the core of your psyche that you fear the most

I don't think fear of heights is that core fear i think that your core fear is expressing itself as a fear of heights

As Charlene said fear is not necessarily a bad thing...in fact it keeps us alive a lot of the time! Its perfectly normal to feel fear at height because it is your unconscious warning you in its particular language that there is a potential threat

The trick is in listening to the fear and in assessing the risk and then acting responsibly ie not putting yourself in excessive danger but not allowing your fear to stop you from what you need to do; the aim being to keep your fear in perspective ie in correct proportion to the potential danger. If the fear is out of proportion then you probably have an unresolved issue (complex) in your psyche that you could meditate on to try and get to the bottom of. Talking it out with someone for example a professional therapist might help as well (or the infj forum )

444 is the number of sanctuary....this is a place free from fear....its where your unconscious longs to be

Perhaps it might help to ignore the fear of heights thing for a while and meditate more generally on what you as a person are running from in your life and what you are running to and why

If in that process you can align your thoughts, emotions, words and deeds then you have done more than most manage

 

[AhSver]

Fear is a great self-preservation mechanism, nonetheless, it's possible to defeat it, fight it as a diseases and use senses and logic instead to make decisions. It's very difficult and requires a lot of meditation, physical exercise, thinking.. but it's possible. Once the mind is liberated and the energy flows through the entire being a person transcends its animal nature and can sense and feel beyond.
Once I had a really strong trip, one of a kind, more powerful than the rest. I was very not careful and went way beyond of what I wanted to achieve.
I spent two days fasting and meditating before deciding to do it in a forest on a cool summer day away from civilization. I rode my bike for 5 miles and hiked for another two before finding a serene place, an energy crossing, by the lake in the midst of a nature preserve.
My ego died that day. I died. I've lost the sense of my body. My mind was turned inside out and I experienced the strongest feeling of fear, the fear of loosing myself, what I am and that I will never be coming from this state of separation. The strongest current of energy was pulling my being. I fought it for what seemed hours until I realized that the resistance is futile, my body is nothing but ashes already and my mind is locked in this prison. I gave in and let myself go. I escaped my body and entered the state of light and that's when I've lost the fear. I never felt such lightness, such sense of eternity and freedom. Ever since then my fear has been curtailed. I used to have all kinds of anxiety but this is all gone.
No fear of pain, no fear of dying, no desires beyond peace, love and tranquility.

 

[Lexika]

OK, I've been pondering at this and I think I'm getting a little bit of the answer, guys. I think it's that we fear the PLACEHOLDER for fear instead of the actual contents of what we believe contains fear, or fear-inducing content. Because we don't know the actual contents of this supposed fear container, for some reason we automatically associate the lack of knowledge with fear instead of with a more useful emotion.

I feel like fear doesn't really exist. If you face up to it, it vanishes.