Experiences of grief, the grieving process

[slant]

I am reading a lot about grief and the grieving process right now in my life and listening to this great podcast about grief called "coming back: conversations about life after loss".

This is not necessarily entirely about loss of a loved one, I think that loss is much more expansive and that in the human experience we have a variety of types of losses that trigger the grieving process and this process in itself doesn't get talked about a lot because of its painful nature and the fact that nobody wants to lose anything but that loss is simply an aspect of life that we will all experience in one form or the other.

What have you grieved? How have you moved through the process and the pain? I want to open the discussion about this and I may post my thoughts as I go through this myself.

For me, I am grieving my childhood wounds and the sense of loneliness and isolation it has caused me. I've avoided grief through self denial and drug use to numb the pain but I have realized that I must now go through the pain and remember all of the old hurts that I buried and tried to forget because they were too painful. I must face my loss to move forward and wonder how some of you have dealt with it .

 

[Deleted member 16771]

I made a video about this.

 

[slant]

I made a video about this.

Would love for you to link it here if you feel comfortable that sounds like it would really add to the conversation

 

[Deleted member 16771]

Would love for you to link it here if you feel comfortable that sounds like it would really add to the conversation

Hmm... Maybe.

 

[Deleted member 16771]

It's a bit long, and my hair was terrible, but it describes my process:

Spoiler

Video removed for privacy

 

[acd]

I think I kind of went through something like this earlier this year. I realized I was still grieving something that had gone unidentified but finally something in my life forced me to confront it, or to see it still there. And I had to face it. I don't even entirely understand what happened or changed other than to say I feel I've come out from the other side of it and I'm no longer bound to it as I was. Take especially good care of your physical health right now, too. I think mindfulness meditation is very helpful. This is a moment and you will get through it. These things don't define you. It won't stay this way forever. You're living and growing and changing in wonderful ways every day. It is a very painful process sometimes but you will make it through. And if you can talk to a counselor they may be very helpful.

 

[slant]

It's a bit long, and my hair was terrible, but it describes my process:

Spoiler

Yeah the book heartwounds seems to be saying a very similar thing to this.

It's interesting because one of the main themes is self validation is necessary to move through the experience of grief or any sort of intense negative/difficult emotion. Acceptance, maybe. That can be challenging for people to do who were taught that their existence and expression itself was inherently unworthy.

I think I kind of went through something like this earlier this year. I realized I was still grieving something that had gone unidentified but finally something in my life forced me to confront it, or to see it still there. And I had to face it. I don't even entirely understand what happened or changed other than to say I feel I've come out from the other side of it and I'm no longer bound to it as I was. Take especially good care of your physical health right now, too. I think mindfulness meditation is very helpful. This is a moment and you will get through it. These things don't define you. It won't stay this way forever. You're living and growing and changing in wonderful ways every day. It is a very painful process sometimes but you will make it through. And if you can talk to a counselor they may be very helpful.

What did you do to "face it"?

 

[acd]

What did you do to "face it"?

I acknowledged the source of my guilt. Grieved about it. Forgave myself. I know that sounds overly simple in just a few sentences but I think I did similar to what you are doing now. I let myself feel it, didn't deny it or hide from it and worked through it. I talked to someone who helped me.

 

[Wyote]

I have had to grieve a lot in my life. I should probably grieve about that

I was there when they pulled the plug on my best friend's wife.
I was in the hospice with my grandfather on his last days.
I was in the room when my grandmother drew her final breath.
I was on my way to visit my best friend when he killed himself.
I've received many calls of news about the passing of close friends and relatives.
I am pretty comfortable at funerals.

Each death is different. Each process has come with different hurdles.

 

[Wyote]

I have had to grieve a lot in my life. I should probably grieve about that

I was there when they pulled the plug on my best friend's wife.
I was in the hospice with my grandfather on his last days.
I was in the room when my grandmother drew her final breath.
I was on my way to visit my best friend when he killed himself.
I've received many calls of news about the passing of close friends and relatives.
I am pretty comfortable at funerals.

Each death is different. Each process has come with different hurdles.

Dis is INFP AF but my point is that each circumstance is different and your feelings about everything are going to be wildly different depending on a lot of things.
I think what @acd said sums up a good process. Sometimes it's harder to acknowledge the pain, sometimes it's harder to forgive yourself or others.
You kind of have to allow some of it to happen organically, and other parts of it need to be tended to accordingly.
When a trauma happens, it can be sort of like untangling a very complicated knot.
Other times it's almost as if you weren't even affected, and that comes with its own sort of guilt.

 

[slant]

Dis is INFP AF but my point is that each circumstance is different and your feelings about everything are going to be wildly different depending on a lot of things.
I think what @acd said sums up a good process. Sometimes it's harder to acknowledge the pain, sometimes it's harder to forgive yourself or others.
You kind of have to allow some of it to happen organically, and other parts of it need to be tended to accordingly.
When a trauma happens, it can be sort of like untangling a very complicated knot.
Other times it's almost as if you weren't even affected, and that comes with its own sort of guilt.

Thank you for sharing. I think that is this a complex topic that isn't really discussed... For good reason, it's painful and nobody wants to think about it. It's strange how our society seems to want to suppress discussion of certain topics because they're unseemly. Most indigenous cultures don't look at emotions in such a negative light, western culture has seemed to fetishize emotional numbness and avoiding discussions of high tension topics. Strange because it's okay to be emotional about politics but it's not okay to talk about your emotions.

 

[Sandie33]

Well stated

When a trauma happens, it can be sort of like untangling a very complicated knot.
Other times it's almost as if you weren't even affected, and that comes with its own sort of guilt.

This too is well stated also,

Most indigenous cultures don't look at emotions in such a negative light, western culture has seemed to fetishize emotional numbness and avoiding discussions of high tension topics. Strange because it's okay to be emotional about politics but it's not okay to talk about your emotions.

I had been rolling this topic around in my heart and mind.

It has taken me years to recognise that the anger I often feel is actually a mask for my grief associated with my mother's death. Once I recognized and accepted that the pain felt from having no place to direct the love I have for my mom, I am better able to redirect those angry feelings into a more productive rather than destructive outlet. Much of my drawing pad holds pictures of that. ♡