ENTP Shares a Story about an INFJ Girl

[EinyOddy]

Hi Everyone,

I joined this forum to hear your thoughts about a personal situation with an INFJ girl I went through (I am INTP/ENTP depends on the test and context.... this is before the two of us knew our types, I wasn't aware of MBTI at the time)

- I suddenly realized I like this girl (first girl I ever liked this way) who I worked with, there was no lead up, it was just a sudden epiphany that caught me by surprise
- I work with her directly on a number of things (student life) so I hope you understand how hard this was for me
- I kept it hidden for 3-4 months, she had no idea and I made sure that it was hidden until I figured out what to do
- My intuition said don’t ask her out, but you need to tell her (something didn’t feel right when I wanted to ask her our or just not tell her at all)
- I took her out on a evening walk and simply explained what happened and said “I realized I liked you more than a friend”….we had a fantastic conversation where I was really honest with her, as politely as I can and explained what I felt and went through, **probably one of the best hours I had with a person**!
- I told this girl that if she ever wanted to talk to me about this situation, she can talk to me whenever she wants to but I am not going to bother her (I hate mind games and pestering in general) and that I am just glad she knows coming from me and me only
- She opened up to why doesn’t date at this point in her life and I will hold this information as it is her personal choices (only a handful of people know)
- I also reassured her that I’ll still be her friend, you don’t need to worry about me turning into an @$$ lol, in fact it wasn’t even awkward when I told her it was perfectly natural and I never felt more comfortable and confident in my life actually!
- We are still good friends, hang out once in a while (both of us are incredibly busy) and we help each other for all sorts of things, we have our funny quirks and honestly never a dull moment between us

I will be honest sometimes the feelings creep back but goes away, I greatly respect and admire her, and she also feels the same way towards me. SOMETIMES I get the sense she is a little uncomfortable around me but she hasn’t been forward with it so maybe it is just me overthinking. We never had a single fight yet and we both support each other through times.

I just wanted to hear your thoughts on this, it is just funny that we found out our types afterwards and apparently, our types go through this a lot haha.

What do you think? Is this a typical INFJ-ENTP/INTP Interaction? I just want to hear anyone’s thoughts on this. Be as honest as you like or even offer tips regarding how I should continue approaching it. Thanks Everyone!

 

[Lea]

Hi EinyOddy,

Welcome! You sound more like an INTP to me

I don't think that it's possible to use MBTI to predict such interactions. I've had an INTP boss and I've had INTPs as colleagues and as a friends. I also have two ENTP friends. My boyfriend I just started see is an INTP. All these relationships are of a different nature and so I guess we can be friends, lovers also enemies.

Also all INFJs are not the same either, some are more mature than others.

What I would say about my personal experience, I'm 38 now, is that there aren't really any words to describe how I feel about my INTP

Hugs

lea

 

[Dolcevita]

ENTPs can be overbearing to an INFJ and the INFJ would never tell you out of wanting to avoid hurting feelings.

The company can be delightful. Things can be understood without speaking.

My ENTP friend always wants MORE everything and this appetite is both compelling and annoying.

Life is short, if she doesn't want to date and you do my advice is to see what other fun you can have. Who knows maybe shell come around later or maybe not.

 

[paisley1]

You are not very ENTP-like in your interaction with this girl. ENTP's love the chase, and man is it fun to watch. If you were an ENTP you'd have scoured all the external resources from friends and colleagues you could muster to gain as much possible insight into ways to attract this girl without anyone knowing (Ti), devise a plan of tactical approach to show her an amazing time of fun and excitement (Ne), like go to a concert, with lavish acts of endearment like buying crazy gifts, and change her mind about not dating without even bringing it up. Feelings would never enter into the discussion. Extroverted Intuition with Introverted Thinking, boom! I have my doubts that you've got the right MBTI's. It's all about the functions, so perhaps you need to describe yourself a bit better for us to analyze you and her. Super overly generalized, INFJ's are looking for deep emotional connection with their idealism, ENTP's are looking for fun and excitement with their gamesmanship, and INTP's are looking for intellectual connection with their rationalism.

Regardless of what MBTI you and this girl are, you're probably hurting yourself by not moving on and remaining platonic friends, further solidifying a permanent place in her friends zone, where you turn into this completely androgynous hermaphroditic non-sexual object to her.....but maybe you're the exception, I don't know!

 

[James]

@EinyOddy

Hmm... I hope you're an INTP or well adjusted ENTP, meaning that you have looked at some of the darker aspects of the ENTP traits and resolved not to engage in them. I am currently going through a painful break up with a female ENTP who is sadly, not well adjusted to those traits. Normally INFJs don't want to hurt anyone, but like any type pushed into a corner, they can bite. Trust me. I'd carefully check your I/E doubt, don't be deterred if you are a Introvert, ultimately it's about who you are, not which type.

If you feel genuinely about this person, then try perhaps just continue to build your friendship further, and allow that to develop naturally. If your overtures are sensitive and genuine, she will pick up on that. If it becomes romance, then treat her carefully, INFJ ladies are not 'fragile' but they are highly sensitive, depending on the individual. Mostly don't ever try to lie her, INFJs pick up on that very very quickly. Even if you think you have a good reason, or are sparing her, just don't. She will almost always be able to tell, and it would badly damage any chance of a relationship.

INFJ's usually move slowly, sometimes very slowly in progressing any romantic relationship. You will probably have to initiate anything, but I'd recommend it's gentle small, romantic steps. She will be sincere, she will be looking for something long term with commitment. If that's not your intention, be honest with her. ENTP's can have a bad habit of getting bored quickly and moving on. If she falls for you that would hurt her deeply. Very deeply.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm being over protective, I've met and dealt with some great ENTP's who were well adjusted. If you are patient and kind, it could turn out to be a great relationship for both of you. If the romance angle doesn't work out, having an INFJ friend is no small thing, a good friendship with anyone is valuable. I wish you all the luck in the world, the pair of you.