[INFJ] Empath: Stories of Feeling Other-People's Emotions

[Night Owl]

So, I thought it'd be interesting to start a thread to share some stories about times you've 'felt' other peoples emotions in a remarkably intense way. It could be a friend, relative, spouse, and even more interesting - a stranger.

I'll get the ball rolling with one account that happened to me.

A few years ago I was sitting at a bus stop outside the train station. I was in quite a pleasant mood, with my ear phones in, listening to easy-going tunes - not a trace of melancholy at all. After about 20 minutes of sitting there, all of a sudden I felt this intense feeling of sorrow and grief as if someone had died. It was not slow and gradual, but it almost hit me like a truck. After feeling this way for a few moments, my Ti starts objectively ticking away... "why am I feeling like this", and I actually thought to myself, "it's not as if someone I know has died, but I feel that same grief and sorrow." I was very puzzled.

Then I look to my left see who is around me, intuiting something on some level I guess, and not wanting to appear obvious I discreetly look over to see 7 meters away (7.6 yards) a woman who appeared to be sobbing in quite a loud manner. I then removed my ear phones and could hear her crying quite intensely. That's the end of the account really. In hindsight I regret not going over to her, but then again, at the time I didn't want to intrude... it could have been a break-up or news of someone she knew had died, who knows. I mainly shared this as a good example of an INFJ account of feeling other people's emotions.

Share your stories and/or offer any feed back to mine or others stories which you relate with!

 

[Flavus Aquila]

^
I would have felt little/nothing, except some awkwardness, but would have gone straight over to see if she wanted help/reassurance. If one could have both Te and Fe, it would be awesome.

 

[Seeking]

Awesome story.

Once many years ago, I went to visit some relatives who had a couple visiting them or we visited the couple, not sure. Anyway, for most of the evening, I felt extremely intense feelings emanating from both of them toward each other --not positive--mostly problems they were having between each other. It's like I could intuit exactly what problems they had and what was going on between them. It felt so weird because they were total strangers to me. I asked my cousin if she knew that they were having marriage problems and she said, no. so that is one story I remember from long ago.

mwah

 

[Night Owl]

I would have felt little/nothing, except some awkwardness, but would have gone straight over to see if she wanted help/reassurance. If one could have both Te and Fe, it would be awesome.

Yes indeed, it would be. However now, having developed a greater sense of ethical duty, the rational principle 'that I must do something' would outweigh my natural timidity and indecisiveness. Yet emotionally it's not easy! It's amazing how one can [begin to] grow; and how volition can overcome natural weaknesses.

Once many years ago, I went to visit some relatives who had a couple visiting them or we visited the couple, not sure. Anyway, for most of the evening, I felt extremely intense feelings emanating from both of them toward each other --not positive--mostly problems they were having between each other. It's like I could intuit exactly what problems they had and what was going on between them. It felt so weird because they were total strangers to me. I asked my cousin if she knew that they were having marriage problems and she said, no. so that is one story I remember from long ago.

Great example. It's amazing how some people are completely unaware of the vibes they're sending out (although sometimes people are, but can't help it!). I find I can equally pick up on the feelings of strangers and those close to me, but those who are close to me I am better at registering what those feelings may actually be - since I have semi-sub conscious data stored concerning their behaviours and related moods etc. I use it as an incentive to pray for 'others' problems/hardships - either real, imagined, or real but exaggerated.

that is one story I remember from long ago

...I probably have many stories too , but I can't remember them lol

 

[Deleted member 10171]

Crikey, I was only thinking a few days ago that I need to keep a pack of tissues in my bag in case of such situations (sharing your hankie is never a good thing).

Too many instances to share....what I find frustrating about these experiences is sometimes the environment you're in says everything looks and feels OK but there's this overwhelming feeling that you cannot explain....it might be "fear" or a sense of feeling "suffocated" or "sadness" - everyone around you appears to be oblivious and blissfully carries on. I can usually identify where the feelings stem from (after checking in with myself) but circumstances occasionally doesn't allow you to intervene or it's not the right time. It might be months later - sometimes years that things begin to transpire....and I can clearly go back to that place and put the pieces together and everything falls into place.

I generally never hesitate if I see someone distressed/crying in public. Obviously, I don't just launch myself upon them. I try to see what's going on (ie what other factors are noticeably going on, are they alone, what are they doing, expression on their face) etc. You can never predict how people are going to react but that's never bothered me.

 

[invisible]

Other people's emotions leak onto me greatly, they sort of coat me, like as if i had been caught in the rain. When people are with me I feel strongly the way they feel about me to the extent that when I am apart from them again I realise that I have been seeing myself through their eyes and it's the wrong way of seeing myself. I can tell very easily whether someone has been really LISTENING to me by the way that I feel about myself after I've been with them. (It's been really challenging for me to learn to assert my SELF in this: be strong and show who I am rather than allowing who I am to be inflicted on me.) But if someone truly admires me, the feeling is amazing. I feel very special, and also very lucky, at the same time. I can't even describe that feeling. It's like being a precious, glowing light. (I feel a little part of that when my cat has really missed me and she is very happy to see me.) I'm so grateful that I have been able to feel that in my life, and that I can carry the memory of that feeling, even if I don't ever feel it again.

I live with my mother who has serious anger problems and I find it really difficult. I feel like I'm being washed down a drain with all the deluge of pain and hatred. I can't protect myself, it just turns me to part of it and washes me away with it. It's not always like that, usually it's bad in the mornings, and the evenings are much better. My mother loves me also. I just describe it here because it's such a strong feeling.

 

[Night Owl]

It might be months later - sometimes years that things begin to transpire....and I can clearly go back to that place and put the pieces together and everything falls into place.

Yessss. It seems that way with me too. Despite feeling strong impressions in the moment along with some sort of vague awareness, they generally take a longer time to 'sink in' on a cognitive level - into the depths of Ni/Ti's ocean - minutes, days, years!

When people are with me I feel strongly the way they feel about me to the extent that when I am apart from them again I realise that I have been seeing myself through their eyes and it's the wrong way of seeing myself

Now that's interesting. I've never thought of it like that, and am not sure if I share that experience... I've always possessed a conscious distinction between myself and 'my eyes' and the 'other' and their way of seeing me. I'd say for me I feel their views of me which I'm always aware of in the moment - whether 'we click' or if they don;t like me, or are disinterested. In regards to feeling their own feelings, I am sometimes aware that that feeling was actually simply mirroring theirs in the moment, but sometimes I only realise after.

I can tell very easily whether someone has been really LISTENING to me by the way that I feel about myself after I've been with them.

Interesting yet again. I usually am very aware if they're really listening to me in the moment, and afterwards I suppose I share a similar feeling tbh, but I'm hard pressed to describe it.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

This is kind of a sidetrack question to INFJs, but perhaps can bring forth experiences intended in the OP:

What do you make of interacting with people whose feelings/emotions are unaffected by yours?

 

[Night Owl]

What do you make of interacting with people whose feelings/emotions are unaffected by yours?

I must admit it can make things 'hard work', such as if the person is in a bad mood or has become miffed after a simple disagreement of opinion, and I'm trying to gloss over it and move on to 'better things' or by switching to a topic which is like Switzerland - a place of neutral commonality. But at such times it's like hitting a tennis ball over a fence without a return, or else it is returned after several balls thrown their way.

It's also harder to 'read' Introverted Fi's - sometimes it's hard to tell what they're thinking with that emotionless face - are they grumpy, content, indifferent? I use Fe to see what response I get to draw the turtle out and 'see the mood'. It often works, but not always, and that 'leaves me hanging'. Why do I want to gage their mood? because I tend to want harmony in relationships, and to dispel anything to the contrary before it escalates.

In the scheme of things, I don't really care haha it's all so trivial but there you go

 

[Wyote]

I actually have a story that happened merely hours ago.

Once upon a time some douches moved in next door. Didn't know they were at the time but could feel a lot of new tension since they moved in last week without any visual or audible cues.

It all came to a head last night when they all came outside and started yelling and running around and being generally stupid. This continued on into the morning as did the tension which kept building until finally whoever the instigator of it all was seemed to have left and now... very peaceful feeling once again.

It's not as if they were totally disruptive, in fact, the only noise was last night for about thirty minutes and then again this morning for about five minutes. But even before it all began I could feel the tension, not really knowing why. Once shit started going down I knew that was where it came from. I also knew it wasn't over when they got quiet again last night because I could still feel that tension. Now I know it's gone because I can feel it.

 

[Night Owl]

That's an interesting account! It's amazing 'how far' such vibes can be felt from. Walls are no barrier hahah. It's some freaky stuff :S

 

[Scientia]

About ten years ago, I was walking up the Main Street in my town around noon and I felt really uneasy. There was no reason at all for it and I started to question why I felt this vague sense of fear and then I got a huge rush of adrenaline from nowhere. I felt so odd that I started to almost run and I looked up to see this guy looking me dead in the eyes and walking towards me with absolute hatred. I didn't know the guy at all but the feelings emanating from him were really strong and violent. I still don't know why I felt his hatred before I even saw him.

 

[Night Owl]

Cheers for sharing that! It's especially intriguing how your body kicked in with a jolt of adrenalin before you were consciously aware of a literal threat! I often get jolts of adrenaline when someone is expressing a contrary view in a hostile manner to me or someone next to me (mainly in real conversation, somewhat less online).

It's just made me think, it seems to be mainly negative vibes and feelings that have been hereto emphasised. (Except for part of [MENTION=1814]invisible[/MENTION] 's allusion). Anyone have euphoric experiences from leeching off others? I must admit, I never tend to associate positive feelings as sourced from others as much as I do negative... It does happen though, but it has to be a sincere contentedness in the other, not something superficial and trite, otherwise I won't absorb such joy [since it has no real substance], but rather I'll feel awkward lol

 

[invisible]

This is kind of a sidetrack question to INFJs, but perhaps can bring forth experiences intended in the OP:

What do you make of interacting with people whose feelings/emotions are unaffected by yours?

That's just daily life.

 

[invisible]

I'm uncomfortable talking about this because I loathe reading stories written by people about how empathic they are like as though it's some sort of mark of specialness or pride, like "Look at me! I'm the most empathic person ever! So special!" etc etc It's theatrical, nauseating, a personal branding of self as a special treasure. A claim of "specialness", not a dealing with the thing of experience.

I visited my doctor today and we were discussing that I am very empathic. We were saying that the emotions go "right in" to me, I can't screen them. She was saying "You have no barrier". I was saying "Yes, I can't help it, they go right in, I can't stop them". She was saying "You're permeable". I was saying "Yes, I'm like a little frog." Then straight away I remembered a dream I had that my spirit animal is a frog. (I don't necessarily "believe" in "spirit animals", it was just a dream I had that really interested me.)

We talked about how when I'm on the train, it's the time in my life when I'm completely alone, and I "push" all of the other things out. I separate them. "That is not me, I push it out. This stuff is me. All that stuff is from other people. I push it out now." It's an excretory function, kind of like a cross between perspiring and urinating. Then I remember who I am... I feel OK again.

 

[Night Owl]

I'm uncomfortable talking about this because I loathe reading stories written by people about how empathic they are like as though it's some sort of mark of specialness or pride, like "Look at me! I'm the most empathic person ever! So special!" etc etc It's theatrical, nauseating, a personal branding of self as a special treasure. A claim of "specialness", not a dealing with the thing of experience.

You raise a very good point. I really do despise a 'patting on the back' mentality, and a Gnostic 'I'm so special' mentality. I personally differentiate between three terms: sympathetic, empathetic, and compassionate. Having more of a theo-philosophical understanding of these which may differ to what others think of them.

To be sympathetic: Is to feel sympathy (pity/sorry) for someone. It's a feeling arising from recognising the hardship/plight of someone.

To be empathetic: Is to feel the other persons feelings and/or is the act of rationally putting oneself in the shoes of another. Empathy builds on top of sympathy and is deeper.

To be compassionate: Is not a feeling, but a moral quality that involves an intention to sincerely help another, and is realised by the acting out of this intention if possible.​

Compassion is thus the realm of choice and action, and feelings of sympathy and empathy can help one to be compassionate. Yet feelings of sympathy and empathy, and the abilty of being sympathetic and empathetic, by no means make one a 'good person'. For one can feel another persons feelings, but not want to feel them, or nor want to help the person whose feelings their feeling.

In my personal view I think popular thought confuses empathy and the ability to empathise with compassion. The former which doesn't necessary make one a nice and kind person, but the latter (compassion) which does. Just as having $100 doesn't even define a moral quality about a person, but if one was to choose to give it away to a friend in need, then this $100 (like empathy) becomes a tool for being compassionate/kind.

Thus from my end discussing how one has the ability to emphasise doesn't equate with 'being good', 'better' or 'special'. Yet if someone's view of empathy was different (what I view as compassion and being compassionate) then I reckon you hit the nail on the head and I totally agree with you!!

 

[invisible]

You raise a very good point. I really do despise a 'patting on the back' mentality, and a Gnostic 'I'm so special' mentality. I personally differentiate between three terms: sympathetic, empathetic, and compassionate. Having more of a theo-philosophical understanding of these which may differ to what others think of them.

To be sympathetic: Is to feel sympathy (pity/sorry) for someone. It's a feeling arising from recognising the hardship/plight of someone.

To be empathetic: Is to feel the other persons feelings and/or is the act of rationally putting oneself in the shoes of another. Empathy builds on top of sympathy and is deeper.

To be compassionate: Is not a feeling, but a moral quality that involves an intention to sincerely help another, and is realised by the acting out of this intention if possible.​

Compassion is thus the realm of choice and action, and feelings of sympathy and empathy can help one to be compassionate. Yet feelings of sympathy and empathy, and the abilty of being sympathetic and empathetic, by no means make one a 'good person'. For one can feel another persons feelings, but not want to feel them, or nor want to help the person whose feelings their feeling.

In my personal view I think popular thought confuses empathy and the ability to empathise with compassion. The former which doesn't necessary make one a nice and kind person, but the latter (compassion) which does. Just as having $100 doesn't even define a moral quality about a person, but if one was to choose to give it away to a friend in need, then this $100 (like empathy) becomes a tool for being compassionate/kind.

Thus from my end discussing how one has the ability to emphasise doesn't equate with 'being good', 'better' or 'special'. Yet if someone's view of empathy was different (what I view as compassion and being compassionate) then I reckon you hit the nail on the head and I totally agree with you!!

Very analytical, insightful and articulate... thank you for sharing those thoughts

 

[Night Owl]

^Thank you. Your post helped me in developing my own understanding.

 

[Seeking]

I use it as an incentive to pray for 'others'

Great idea!

 

[Seeking]

cool discussion.