Socionics proposes that NiFe and SeTi people are in what is called duality relations. Duality relations are described as one of the most natural type of relationship, where communication barrier is reduced to its minimum, each partner supplements the weak points of the other, and there is even improved sexual compatibility in relationships.
The NiFe type is called INFp, IEI, Lyricist, or Esenin in socionics typing system, while the SeTi type is called ESTp, SLE, Marshall, or Zhukov.
Many of the INFJs who get into Socionics type themselves as IEIs or INFps (and it makes sense since dominant and supportive functions of these types are the same).
Here is how a couple of socionics authors have described these relations. I am wondering how much of this corresponds to INFJ experience with ESTPs? (this of course applies only to those INFJs and ESTPs who think that they are also NiFe IEI and SeTi SLE types in Socionics).
"The Commander"= ESTp = SLE (Se-Ti)
"The Lyricist" = INFp = IEI (Ni-Fe) (full description)
The Commander is decisive and purposeful, brave and full of initiative. He is capable of persevering a long time towards his goal, overcoming any difficulties at his way. He is not always capable of taming his emotions and outbursts of wrath, but can subordinate others to him and make them do what he wants. The Lyricist lacks such decisiveness; he admires strong people possessing leadership skills. He tries to be useful to them by giving cautionary advice.
The Lyricist foresees very well the negative outcome of certain actions of The Commander. He watches people's emotional reactions and then suggests to the Commander measures to influence them. Without such advice The Commander may act precipitately. The Commander possesses good organizational skills. He has a talent for planning actions, distributing duties and resources. The Commander at the same time lacks diplomacy. He will manipulate people like inanimate objects, not reckoning with their feelings and interests. Thus he turns people against him but he does not understand why. The Lyricist softens his authoritarianism, tuning him up to a warmer attitude. He advises to be diplomatic, calms him down, releases The Commander's irritability by jokes and compliments made at the right moment. At the same time he creates the atmosphere of politeness, being aristocratic, 'keeping aloof', regulates distance in communication, as soon as he feels the partner is ready to insult him. In this way The Lyricist avoids possible confrontation.
The Commander tends to doubt not only the good attitude of others towards him, but also noble motives of others. He rather notices people’s negative traits more than positive ones. Sometimes he is excessively suspicious, afraid of treason, and for this reason tends to surround himself by favorites whom he trusts. The Lyricist neutralizes The Commander's prejudice by his trustful and kind manner of communication, neutralizing his suspicions by assertions of his loyalty.
The Lyricist is capable of choosing a moment for sudden decisive actions, which discourages opponents, and this makes him useful to The Commander, who appreciates his original advice. The Lyricist attracts people and manipulates their feelings and relations. He looks forward and prepares for the future in advance. He finds necessary acquaintances and fulfillers for his projects. Unlike The Commander, he is optimistic and can inspire others with his optimism, especially his dual, who values interests in concrete affairs over all and so expects from others dirty tricks rather than assistance. It is for this reason he loses adherents and falls into depression caused by bad foreboding.
The Lyricist's shortcoming is his inclination to blame others considering them guilty of his own misfortunes. The Commander easily calms down his dual by threatening to punish the offenders and to restore justice. Sometimes he puts The Lyricist to shame, teaches him lessons of courage and endurance. Together with such a strong personality The Lyricist is ready to overcome everything, believing in success. He needs moral support, without which his vital tonus decreases. He needs, too, a support of an authoritative partner, who understands instructions and rules, possesses penetrative skills, realism and practical intelligence.
ESTp, SLE (FL) – INFp, IEI (TE) (full description)
ESTp, SLE (Se-Ti): This is a strong personality that is prone to either overestimate or underestimate his abilities and volitional qualities. In the first case, we have a "superman" resembling the heroes of action movies. In the second case – a rebellious person, constantly and unsuccessfully searching for himself and application of his abilities. If such a search becomes protracted, FL (SLE) becomes the first victim of such unfortunate situation. Then he may resort to substance abuse, engage in risky enterprises, or, at the best, start conflicts with colleagues and relatives, imposing his wishes and values in life.
In this regard, he needs a partner who could help him find a worthy purpose where he could apply himself, and who would evoke strong interest in him with the ultimate goal. FL (SLE) is inspired only by goals that require resourcefulness and courage.
FL (SLE) can and must direct his energy into his career, as well as activities of organizational, economic, and housekeeping nature: improving family welfare, taking care of official matters, resolving the pragmatic aspects of affairs, maintenance and repair, and resolution of other practical problems. A man of this type can ensure realization of the most difficult and dangerous work. He needs a partner who will ensure that his actions and methods are humane and considerate enough when he is attempting to reach his goals.
Despite these natural inclinations, many members of this type are not even aware of their enormous potential and often suffer from lack of confidence, or hold some irrational notions. They need a partner who demonstrates inexhaustible optimism and faith in the success of any endeavor. The main thing is to rid these people of their anxieties, suspicions and doubts – the rest they will overcome themselves.
Most of all FL (SLE) hates treachery and is inclined to find it even in instances where there was none. He may have a highly developed code of behavior, which sometimes takes an extravagant form. Then he condemns in others that which he has justified in himself. This quality complicates his relations with others, so that his partner must be constantly engaged in restoration of good relations, rather than await for FL (SLE) to mend them himself. Thus, his dual plays the role of a diplomat of a king. TE (IEI) can mitigate the suspicion and distrust of his dual, persuading him out of unfounded fears.
INFp, IEI (Ni-Fe): Soft, pliant, emotional, romantic and unpredictable partner. With him it is never boring because often one has to puzzle over his bizarre statements and actions. For his dual, who cannot endure monotony, this is extremely interesting, to have to continuously overcome these small and large challenges posed by his partner.
TE (IEI) can often give advice on who is an adversary and where one needs to send a strike. Often has a harmonizing effect on a group of people, but can also set groups and individuals against one another. TE (IEI) has a good sense of danger – he is insightful enough to gather the necessary information and develop a general strategy of psychological behavior to achieve success. With FL (SLE), he can be part of a great union that combines strength and vision, strategy and tactics. It is only necessary, however, to properly evaluate the abilities of one another.
Weaknesses of TE (IEI), such as excessive laxness, impracticality, passivity and conformism in relations, can be easily forgiven. He's a diplomat, not a fighter. For this reason, he rarely impresses his dual in the beginning, especially on the background of other vivid and strong personalities, the passion for whom in FL (SLE) is eventually replaced by disappointment and irritation.
Besides weak practical acumen and low efficiency, TE (IEI) has another weakness: he tends to get greatly upset over nothing, feels discouraged and starts complaining. He can also be a spendthrift and mismanage his income.
But when his partner assumes the worst and falls in his spirits, TE (IEI) is always able to cheer him up, divert his attention, assure him that everything will be fine. At his heart, TE (IEI) is an idealist and an optimist and believes in a positive outcome. He knows how to patiently wait for what he believes in.
Terms of dualization:
1. Duals are two extremes that only together can find the "golden center" on which rest truth and harmony. That is why TE (IEI) should not be surprised by ability of resolute FL (SLE) to walk towards his goal over the heads of others, putting business above relations. He should help, however possible, to mitigate these tendencies of his partner, explaining possible negative consequences to him. When volitional pressuring turns directly against TE (IEI), don't feel offended – it is best to turn everything into a joke, or expertly manage emotions of your partner and switch his attention to more important issues than fight with loved ones.
2. Interference in each other's spheres of activity not only leads to conflicts, but also reduces the overall efficiency of this dyad. FL (SLE) must constantly be on the lookout that his custody and initiative do not take an offensive to TE (IEI) form, and TE (IEI) should tactfully ignore the excessive pressuring of his partner, demonstrate willingness to compromise and appeal for reciprocity.
3. It is necessary to provide freedom for diplomatic activities of TE (IEI) that are associated with emotional agency, as well as conception of a common strategy, and efforts aimed at intellectual development of the dyad. FL (SLE) has to take on the role of providing for the family, protecting and supporting it, overseeing business matters.
4. Prudence and foresight in dealing with different people, as well as planning for the holidays, evenings, holiday travel and entertainment are the strengths of TE (IEI). Here, FL (SLE) needs to take care of the practical part of the program: obtaining the tickets, preparing the barbecue, driving, etc.
5. As for the emotional-sexual side of relations, FL (SLE) is very impressed by the whimsical, sentimental and diverse in their expression feelings of his partner who also possesses a developed sense of humor and tact, and intrigued by his mystery and unpredictable reactions.
TE (IEI) expects a strong, temperamental, self-confident, proactive in sex partner. Here he is a follower, since he is confident only in romantic side of feelings and relationships. TE (IEI) needs a partner who can help him overcome his hesitation and awaken his sensuality. His partner's desire should not leave any room for doubt for TE (IEI), for whom such doubts are often torturous.
In this dyad, relations are in many ways similar to the previous dyad. Both couples are prone to engage in a kind of "play-fighting". Overbearing nature of FL (SLE) evokes emotional resonance in TE (IEI), who, cleverly playing with his feelings, can endure a lot from such strong and authoritarian personality. FL (SLE) enjoys feeling like a victor, and TE (IEI), enjoys taming his occasionally overly aggressive partner with diplomacy and kindness.
Often, TE (IEI) has a harmonizing form of personality, but there are individuals of predominantly creative type of psyche – musicians, artists, poets, etc. – who are not recommended to pair with a dual of dominant type of personality. They are better matched with a partner of normalizing psychoform – a more calm and balanced person – otherwise their "play-fighting" can lead to mutual destruction or endless drama.
This dyad poorly tolerates monotony, lack of exiting experiences. Their senses and emotions are renewed and strengthened by endurance and suffering. If the aggressive by nature FL (SLE) never wanted to quarrel, then his partner, with his whims and alternations of his moods, will himself provoke a new outbreak of negative emotions, which then adeptly turn into positive ones.
It should be noted that jealousy is often a problem in this pair, especially for the mistrustful FL (SLE). The habit of TE (IEI) to be friendly and interested in everyone, to generously give out compliments, and the variability of his moods, all contribute to this development. Do not taunt for too long: for FL (SLE) there is nothing worse than betrayal.
It may seem that this dyad is distinguished by sadomasochistic tendencies. In actuality, the soft, soulful and sentimental TE (IEI) has a relaxing effect on FL (SLE) and, to a certain extent, suppresses his aggressive tendencies. In the case of a quarrel, the emotional reaction of TE (IEI) can be so original and unpredictable, that it forces his dual, who poorly orients in feelings, to soften and seek compromise. The image of a "victim" has a stronger effect on FL (SLE) than an equal and invincible enemy, who does not evoke compassion.
Due to his flexibility, pliancy and fine diplomacy, TE (IEI) is often able to win over the heart of such a complex personality as FL (SLE), with his ambitiousness and subconscious aggression, who usually considers emotions to be a sign of weakness and does not wish to fall into emotional dependency with anyone else.
The NiFe type is called INFp, IEI, Lyricist, or Esenin in socionics typing system, while the SeTi type is called ESTp, SLE, Marshall, or Zhukov.
Many of the INFJs who get into Socionics type themselves as IEIs or INFps (and it makes sense since dominant and supportive functions of these types are the same).
Here is how a couple of socionics authors have described these relations. I am wondering how much of this corresponds to INFJ experience with ESTPs? (this of course applies only to those INFJs and ESTPs who think that they are also NiFe IEI and SeTi SLE types in Socionics).
"The Commander"= ESTp = SLE (Se-Ti)
"The Lyricist" = INFp = IEI (Ni-Fe) (full description)
The Commander is decisive and purposeful, brave and full of initiative. He is capable of persevering a long time towards his goal, overcoming any difficulties at his way. He is not always capable of taming his emotions and outbursts of wrath, but can subordinate others to him and make them do what he wants. The Lyricist lacks such decisiveness; he admires strong people possessing leadership skills. He tries to be useful to them by giving cautionary advice.
The Lyricist foresees very well the negative outcome of certain actions of The Commander. He watches people's emotional reactions and then suggests to the Commander measures to influence them. Without such advice The Commander may act precipitately. The Commander possesses good organizational skills. He has a talent for planning actions, distributing duties and resources. The Commander at the same time lacks diplomacy. He will manipulate people like inanimate objects, not reckoning with their feelings and interests. Thus he turns people against him but he does not understand why. The Lyricist softens his authoritarianism, tuning him up to a warmer attitude. He advises to be diplomatic, calms him down, releases The Commander's irritability by jokes and compliments made at the right moment. At the same time he creates the atmosphere of politeness, being aristocratic, 'keeping aloof', regulates distance in communication, as soon as he feels the partner is ready to insult him. In this way The Lyricist avoids possible confrontation.
The Commander tends to doubt not only the good attitude of others towards him, but also noble motives of others. He rather notices people’s negative traits more than positive ones. Sometimes he is excessively suspicious, afraid of treason, and for this reason tends to surround himself by favorites whom he trusts. The Lyricist neutralizes The Commander's prejudice by his trustful and kind manner of communication, neutralizing his suspicions by assertions of his loyalty.
The Lyricist is capable of choosing a moment for sudden decisive actions, which discourages opponents, and this makes him useful to The Commander, who appreciates his original advice. The Lyricist attracts people and manipulates their feelings and relations. He looks forward and prepares for the future in advance. He finds necessary acquaintances and fulfillers for his projects. Unlike The Commander, he is optimistic and can inspire others with his optimism, especially his dual, who values interests in concrete affairs over all and so expects from others dirty tricks rather than assistance. It is for this reason he loses adherents and falls into depression caused by bad foreboding.
The Lyricist's shortcoming is his inclination to blame others considering them guilty of his own misfortunes. The Commander easily calms down his dual by threatening to punish the offenders and to restore justice. Sometimes he puts The Lyricist to shame, teaches him lessons of courage and endurance. Together with such a strong personality The Lyricist is ready to overcome everything, believing in success. He needs moral support, without which his vital tonus decreases. He needs, too, a support of an authoritative partner, who understands instructions and rules, possesses penetrative skills, realism and practical intelligence.
ESTp, SLE (FL) – INFp, IEI (TE) (full description)
ESTp, SLE (Se-Ti): This is a strong personality that is prone to either overestimate or underestimate his abilities and volitional qualities. In the first case, we have a "superman" resembling the heroes of action movies. In the second case – a rebellious person, constantly and unsuccessfully searching for himself and application of his abilities. If such a search becomes protracted, FL (SLE) becomes the first victim of such unfortunate situation. Then he may resort to substance abuse, engage in risky enterprises, or, at the best, start conflicts with colleagues and relatives, imposing his wishes and values in life.
In this regard, he needs a partner who could help him find a worthy purpose where he could apply himself, and who would evoke strong interest in him with the ultimate goal. FL (SLE) is inspired only by goals that require resourcefulness and courage.
FL (SLE) can and must direct his energy into his career, as well as activities of organizational, economic, and housekeeping nature: improving family welfare, taking care of official matters, resolving the pragmatic aspects of affairs, maintenance and repair, and resolution of other practical problems. A man of this type can ensure realization of the most difficult and dangerous work. He needs a partner who will ensure that his actions and methods are humane and considerate enough when he is attempting to reach his goals.
Despite these natural inclinations, many members of this type are not even aware of their enormous potential and often suffer from lack of confidence, or hold some irrational notions. They need a partner who demonstrates inexhaustible optimism and faith in the success of any endeavor. The main thing is to rid these people of their anxieties, suspicions and doubts – the rest they will overcome themselves.
Most of all FL (SLE) hates treachery and is inclined to find it even in instances where there was none. He may have a highly developed code of behavior, which sometimes takes an extravagant form. Then he condemns in others that which he has justified in himself. This quality complicates his relations with others, so that his partner must be constantly engaged in restoration of good relations, rather than await for FL (SLE) to mend them himself. Thus, his dual plays the role of a diplomat of a king. TE (IEI) can mitigate the suspicion and distrust of his dual, persuading him out of unfounded fears.
INFp, IEI (Ni-Fe): Soft, pliant, emotional, romantic and unpredictable partner. With him it is never boring because often one has to puzzle over his bizarre statements and actions. For his dual, who cannot endure monotony, this is extremely interesting, to have to continuously overcome these small and large challenges posed by his partner.
TE (IEI) can often give advice on who is an adversary and where one needs to send a strike. Often has a harmonizing effect on a group of people, but can also set groups and individuals against one another. TE (IEI) has a good sense of danger – he is insightful enough to gather the necessary information and develop a general strategy of psychological behavior to achieve success. With FL (SLE), he can be part of a great union that combines strength and vision, strategy and tactics. It is only necessary, however, to properly evaluate the abilities of one another.
Weaknesses of TE (IEI), such as excessive laxness, impracticality, passivity and conformism in relations, can be easily forgiven. He's a diplomat, not a fighter. For this reason, he rarely impresses his dual in the beginning, especially on the background of other vivid and strong personalities, the passion for whom in FL (SLE) is eventually replaced by disappointment and irritation.
Besides weak practical acumen and low efficiency, TE (IEI) has another weakness: he tends to get greatly upset over nothing, feels discouraged and starts complaining. He can also be a spendthrift and mismanage his income.
But when his partner assumes the worst and falls in his spirits, TE (IEI) is always able to cheer him up, divert his attention, assure him that everything will be fine. At his heart, TE (IEI) is an idealist and an optimist and believes in a positive outcome. He knows how to patiently wait for what he believes in.
Terms of dualization:
1. Duals are two extremes that only together can find the "golden center" on which rest truth and harmony. That is why TE (IEI) should not be surprised by ability of resolute FL (SLE) to walk towards his goal over the heads of others, putting business above relations. He should help, however possible, to mitigate these tendencies of his partner, explaining possible negative consequences to him. When volitional pressuring turns directly against TE (IEI), don't feel offended – it is best to turn everything into a joke, or expertly manage emotions of your partner and switch his attention to more important issues than fight with loved ones.
2. Interference in each other's spheres of activity not only leads to conflicts, but also reduces the overall efficiency of this dyad. FL (SLE) must constantly be on the lookout that his custody and initiative do not take an offensive to TE (IEI) form, and TE (IEI) should tactfully ignore the excessive pressuring of his partner, demonstrate willingness to compromise and appeal for reciprocity.
3. It is necessary to provide freedom for diplomatic activities of TE (IEI) that are associated with emotional agency, as well as conception of a common strategy, and efforts aimed at intellectual development of the dyad. FL (SLE) has to take on the role of providing for the family, protecting and supporting it, overseeing business matters.
4. Prudence and foresight in dealing with different people, as well as planning for the holidays, evenings, holiday travel and entertainment are the strengths of TE (IEI). Here, FL (SLE) needs to take care of the practical part of the program: obtaining the tickets, preparing the barbecue, driving, etc.
5. As for the emotional-sexual side of relations, FL (SLE) is very impressed by the whimsical, sentimental and diverse in their expression feelings of his partner who also possesses a developed sense of humor and tact, and intrigued by his mystery and unpredictable reactions.
TE (IEI) expects a strong, temperamental, self-confident, proactive in sex partner. Here he is a follower, since he is confident only in romantic side of feelings and relationships. TE (IEI) needs a partner who can help him overcome his hesitation and awaken his sensuality. His partner's desire should not leave any room for doubt for TE (IEI), for whom such doubts are often torturous.
In this dyad, relations are in many ways similar to the previous dyad. Both couples are prone to engage in a kind of "play-fighting". Overbearing nature of FL (SLE) evokes emotional resonance in TE (IEI), who, cleverly playing with his feelings, can endure a lot from such strong and authoritarian personality. FL (SLE) enjoys feeling like a victor, and TE (IEI), enjoys taming his occasionally overly aggressive partner with diplomacy and kindness.
Often, TE (IEI) has a harmonizing form of personality, but there are individuals of predominantly creative type of psyche – musicians, artists, poets, etc. – who are not recommended to pair with a dual of dominant type of personality. They are better matched with a partner of normalizing psychoform – a more calm and balanced person – otherwise their "play-fighting" can lead to mutual destruction or endless drama.
This dyad poorly tolerates monotony, lack of exiting experiences. Their senses and emotions are renewed and strengthened by endurance and suffering. If the aggressive by nature FL (SLE) never wanted to quarrel, then his partner, with his whims and alternations of his moods, will himself provoke a new outbreak of negative emotions, which then adeptly turn into positive ones.
It should be noted that jealousy is often a problem in this pair, especially for the mistrustful FL (SLE). The habit of TE (IEI) to be friendly and interested in everyone, to generously give out compliments, and the variability of his moods, all contribute to this development. Do not taunt for too long: for FL (SLE) there is nothing worse than betrayal.
It may seem that this dyad is distinguished by sadomasochistic tendencies. In actuality, the soft, soulful and sentimental TE (IEI) has a relaxing effect on FL (SLE) and, to a certain extent, suppresses his aggressive tendencies. In the case of a quarrel, the emotional reaction of TE (IEI) can be so original and unpredictable, that it forces his dual, who poorly orients in feelings, to soften and seek compromise. The image of a "victim" has a stronger effect on FL (SLE) than an equal and invincible enemy, who does not evoke compassion.
Due to his flexibility, pliancy and fine diplomacy, TE (IEI) is often able to win over the heart of such a complex personality as FL (SLE), with his ambitiousness and subconscious aggression, who usually considers emotions to be a sign of weakness and does not wish to fall into emotional dependency with anyone else.
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