Do you fear your significant other might be picking up your bad traits?

Autobahn

Autobahn

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Dear all,

I have been in a relationship with an ISTJ for some 7 years now. I suppose we are quite an odd combination but somehow, we match really, really well. Recently I started noticing little changes in his behaviour that worry me a little. It's as if some of my bad qualities are rubbing onto him; do you think that is possible?

For example, I know I can sometimes be a bit of a braggart (Luckily, I've realised this is a horrible trait to have and am working on that ego...) but my husband has always been the most humble man I've ever know. However, recently I have observed him boast about some little things and with quite some pride... Now, this has happened on a few occasions only and I don't know if I should be worried...

But the thing is, if it is true and he is picking up some of those bad traits from me, then I can't help but feel really, really guilty. I just don't want him to change.
 
Is it possible that you might just be attuned VERY WELL to his changes because you have it yourself? (I am VERY QUICK in noticing the bad traits I have in other people)
and you see these changes as bad because you consider that trait a bad trait?

But to be on topic, are you or other people or himself getting hurt by your husband's actions?
And is he happy with that development?

All I can say is our expectations does not make a rule for them. If they consider the changes good and deserved....well, there's that.
 
It could be possible too, that now you both are married and are seeing the true nitty-gritty of each other that he has let his guard down and revealed more of his true colors....not saying that being a braggart makes him a bad person, you yourself have admitted to it and of all people should be patient when he does it. Usually bragging about something stems from an insecurity in that arena or another. Also perhaps he is not meaning for it to come off as bragging...maybe you are not just noticing it because you are trying to get your own under control. Like two smokers...when one goes to quit they may notice how much the other actually smokes whereas they never really paid attention before. Be patient, you love someone for who they are when you truly love someone....faults and all.
 
Or maybe he's just become more confident in his work and/or abilities. Nothing is wrong with that. This could be a case of not wanting him to change because you've become very comfortable with the roles you've defined for each other as a couple. For example, you label yourself braggart and your husband humble which could seem a little narrow, and indicate that you have these boxes you want each other fit rather than allow each other to progress. Maybe learning to brag a little is a good thing for him. Maybe he's played himself down too much and is realizing how great he is at things. Is that such a bad thing? Unless, it's too much and he's overdoing it? Just depends. But in any case it seems you have this set idea of who he is, and that may mean that you want him to be how you want him to be rather than let him develop into someone who is more than those things you perceive him to be. Are you worried that his change is affecting your relationship dynamic? That it's making you have to adjust how you relate to him because he's no longer the "humble" husband you believe he is or should be?
 
If you have the ability to be influenced by his good traits, you have the ability to be influenced by his bad traits too (and visa verse.) ISTJs love to brag, so IDK what is up with your husband. LOL (tongue and cheek generalization bc I'm married to one.) I get annoyed with it when someone brags and is arrogant about about, rather than just saying something because they are giving themselves a little pat on the back.

I think more of what the issue here is that most people really do desire to be noticed for the good things that happen to them (whether they want to admit that is true or not.) Perhaps he is looking for reassurance or acceptance from you. If he gets out of hand just say something to knock him off his pedestal, he'll relearn. :D
 
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