do certain experiences 'ruin your perspective'?

alice144

alice144

Community Member
MBTI
ENTP
Enneagram
5w6
I read somewhere that once you spend a night in jail, you're never the same again.

Is it possible to have experiences which will indelibly mark you as one apart from the rest of the human race?

I wonder if these experiences are synonymous with 'trauma'. But, I don't think so.
 
yes they are, when you live a lot of fucked up and strong experiences they change you. They change the way you see the world and life in general.
 
indilebly mark us apart from other people...nay.
But ruining our perspective, yes.

We have...expectations. If not 'things A should happen (with all its complexity)', then at least 'things B should not happen (with all its complexity)'
Sometimes certain things may affect our perspective so much it creates thousands of questions.

And yes, it's not limited to trauma, albeit it may feel like one. It's not pleasant.
But the things themselves might be good. It's not always bad.

One filled with negative expectations might be surprised by good things, and vice versa.

But as per whether it's a bad or good thing. Well, it's what we make of it.
 
Yes and no. There are some experiences that everyone goes through as they grow up which drop the scales from their eyes, and there other experiences only some of the population will go through which most avoid which of course gives a new perspective on humanity. Then there are those unique or rare horrible or extraordinary experiences which only one in a million will have which separate them from everyone else. For example, I don't think someone who's ever been kidnapped for a period of time or taken hostage, will have the same view of the world and security as everyone else after such an experience. On the other extreme, people who've had enormous privilege in this world will have a far different sense of their choices, options, and how they maneuvre the world. For example, the Richard Branson's or the Bill Gates' of the world. Or the US for example has only had 44 presidents. I doubt anyone but they can ever know what holding that office is truly like. It's a unique experience which only 44 people have every shared.

Depending on the experience, I guess it can "ruin" your perspective if it makes you, not more realistic, but more pessimistic about humanity or your choices. For example, if you grow up believing that you can do anything, handle anything, get out of anything, and you have an experience which makes you feel out of control, and unable to handle what you thought you could, or get out of it with the confidence you had, then you may begin to feel negative or pessimistic because it contradicts what you thought about yourself or the world. You may later believe, if you have enough of those experiences, that nothing is ever going to work well or in your favor.
 
Last edited:
Yep. Just as great experiences positively alter one's perspective.

The ups and downs of being.
 
Seraphim said:
I believe that to be "well adjusted" and normal, you have to sustain a certain amount of delusion about human nature, our place in the universe, and your own importance. Once you've had certain experiences that force you to acknowledge horrible truths, you can't sustain the delusions you need to live a happy, normal life.
Click to expand...

What if you have experiences that force you to acknowledge certain profoundly wonderful truths?

There are traumas out there for sure but there are also epiphanies, various forms of euphoria, accomplishments, goals, anticipations, dreams, etc… there are all kinds of experiences that can give you hope and peace and I don't think that they're any more 'delusional' than the horrible things… and it all depends on how you define reality and where you set your boundaries.

I think it's already been said, but the actual truth matters less than how you deal with it.
 
This thread had ruined my perspective.
 
Seraphim said:
I believe that to be "well adjusted" and normal, you have to sustain a certain amount of delusion
Click to expand...

Woody Allen says something similar, and Woody's a pretty bright guy.

Apone said:
What if you have experiences that force you to acknowledge certain profoundly wonderful truths?
Click to expand...

No, it's not always entirely negative. But it's alienating, nonetheless. And alienation is negative!




Love you, infjs. :)
 
Seraphim said:
That's just a mild example, but now imagine someone who has been sold into sex slavery, or something extreme like that.
Click to expand...

It occurs to me that those kinds of extreme experiences would only leave you 'numb', or emotionally dead. IMO, it takes a sensitive person to truly suffer. I've heard stories far worse than your dysfunctional family, but your dysfunctional family was probably so painful only because there was richness in other parts of your life. Kids I've talked to who have grown up in really bad places (read: Texas, Louisiana) seem to fare better if only because they don't realize how life could be different.


Sorry about the double post.
 
Last edited:
Yes. If you go to Africa and visit some rural areas, it will change you. I wouldn't say for the worse, but you'll never see the world the same again.
 
Seraphim said:
I'm not disagreeing with you, but is emotional suffering necessarily what we're talking about?
Click to expand...

No, but since we've now determined that most of life is suffering, I think we can afford to be imprecise! And, yes, that is true. I did kind of wander off into a tangent there; sorry that it was hard to follow. My favorite Woody Allen film is either Love and Death or Crimes and Misdemeanors. Annie Hall is overrated; don't believe all the indie kids.
 
Beyond something involuntary such as sex slavery, I'd assume anyone who is a sex worker, including the porn industry, will see sex very differently than everyone else. How sex is sold, as a glamorous and all fulfilling experience along with fantasies vs. the actual experiences of working as a sex worker in that job everyday are probably quite different. When you share something that's supposed to be a private act between two people with everyone, it's inevitable that your view of what sex is and how it should be changes. If it's your "job" to perform, I'm not sure you're going to view and experience sex in as romantic a way as mainstream culture claims.
 
alice144 said:
I read somewhere that once you spend a night in jail, you're never the same again.

Is it possible to have experiences which will indelibly mark you as one apart from the rest of the human race?

I wonder if these experiences are synonymous with 'trauma'. But, I don't think so.
Click to expand...

Interesting question. I guess part of me is interpreting this as something extraordinary that happens that sets a person apart from others. Extraordinary just meaning out of the ordinary. There are countless extraordinary things that can happen both positive and negative that can set us apart from others. Trauma, miracles, disability, death, talent, genius, violence, war, etc., etc..

I think a lot of it depends largely on how a person handles the experience. A traumatice experience can be turned into a positive experience such as a victim of domestic violence who later helps other victims find a better life. There is also the experience of a talent or extreme wealth turning into an isolating curse. I guess I see it more as changing ones perspective as opposed to "ruining" it. Someone once told me that the chinese word for crisis is the same word used for opportunity.
 
when i was 21 i met this six year old boy who had been placed in long term foster care: blonde, freckly, all-smiles kind of kid. I read his case notes: about his young life, what happened to him - what he had done. wanted to vomit. and it’s a late friday afternoon and my supervisor is looking for a youth hostel to take him in — can’t be trusted with younger kids, can’t be trusted with animals - foster parents don’t want him. real ‘problematic’ behaviours, serious psychological issues... and so here’s this kid, sitting here and he’s smiling. biggest contrast i’ve ever seen. but trauma can do strange things... and eventually somethings gotta give. I do believe some things are too great , so bad — that they become too difficult to process in a healthy normal way. it’s like our minds and bodies say ‘i’ve had enough and i’m shutting down’. sometimes it crushes our spirit, too.
 
Ame said:
I'm not sure you're going to view and experience sex in as romantic a way as mainstream culture claims.
Click to expand...

Yes, there's this idea of 'losing one's delusions'. Kind of like realizing that Santa Clause isn't real, but bigger. IMO, sex really is nasty and dirty and not very romantic at all. We probably make up all the romance stuff in order to make it seem prettier, but mostly, we're all just looking for release. I guess. Probably people are happier believing sex to be an act of love, and not just something people do because their hormones are telling them to.

Sadie said:
Interesting question. I guess part of me is interpreting this as something extraordinary that happens that sets a person apart from others.
Click to expand...

Yes, but when does it get so extreme that you cease to relate to the people around you? That's what worries me.

Sadie said:
I think a lot of it depends largely on how a person handles the experience. A traumatice experience can be turned into a positive experience such as a victim of domestic violence who later helps other victims find a better life.
Click to expand...

No. No suffering is good suffering. All suffering is bad suffering. I don't see anything positive at all in that example you cited, except for an expansion of awareness. Which sucks! Because I feel like we're happier not 'knowing'...
 
Blackmountainside said:
when i was 21 i met this six year old boy who had been placed in long term foster care: blonde, freckly, all-smiles kind of kid. I read his case notes: about his young life, what happened to him - what he had done. wanted to vomit. and it’s a late friday afternoon and my supervisor is looking for a youth hostel to take him in – can’t be trusted with younger kids, can’t be trusted with animals - foster parents don’t want him. real ‘problematic’ behaviours, serious psychological issues... and so here’s this kid, sitting here and he’s smiling. biggest contrast i’ve ever seen. but trauma can do strange things... and eventually somethings gotta give. I do believe some things are too great , so bad – that they become too difficult to process in a healthy normal way. it’s like our minds and bodies say ‘i’ve had enough and i’m shutting down’. sometimes it crushes our spirit, too.
Click to expand...

That's a really unsettling story. I know things like this happen more than most people are aware of. Are kids going through these kinds of experiences required to go through mandatory counseling to help them cope and learn to deal with the things that are happening in their young lives? Just curious. I mean it's kind of hard to expect a child to grow up to be a well adjusted healthy adult without some solid professional help.
 
Sadie said:
That's a really unsettling story. I know things like this happen more than most people are aware of. Are kids going through these kinds of experiences required to go through mandatory counseling to help them cope and learn to deal with the things that are happening in their young lives? Just curious. I mean it's kind of hard to expect a child to grow up to be a well adjusted healthy adult without some solid professional help.
Click to expand...

yes, interdisciplinary health professionals are employed and funded by government agencies. including clinical psychologists to help support children.
*always* need more money for these kind of things, though.
 
[MENTION=5090]Apone[/MENTION]

Wonderful truths? you mean wonderfully horrible truths? xD

what [MENTION=933]Seraphim[/MENTION] says its totally true. When you grow up and live and see some really ugly stuff, you just become aware of it and you gain cunning. you can get bitter or just laugh about stuff in general and become a sort of nihilist. Everybody reacts in a different way to it, but what i surely know is that when you are aware that something suxs, you cant get back to your illusion, its impossible xD
 
alice144 said:
I read somewhere that once you spend a night in jail, you're never the same again.

Is it possible to have experiences which will indelibly mark you as one apart from the rest of the human race?

I wonder if these experiences are synonymous with 'trauma'. But, I don't think so.
Click to expand...

I do believe it's possible. Something could happen that could make you never look the same way at something again... Even though the thing can be very benign, it may elicit a bad reaction depending on a certain experience.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top