Dealing with Empathy | INFJ Forum

Dealing with Empathy

Discussion in 'The INFJ Typology' started by zp_91291, Jan 14, 2010.

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  1. zp_91291

    zp_91291 Newbie

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    Ok, so I just figured out I am an INFJ, which explain why I always end up experiencing the emotions of the people around me. I like being able to understand people on such a deep level, but it is very intrusive:m049: particullarly unpleasant feelings or inappropriate ones. I don't know how to handle it so I end up disconnecting a part me from the world. Help :(
     
  2. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    Disconnecting is a common defense mechanism for a lot of us. You have to find people you feel comfortable connecting with.
     
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  3. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Going with entyqua's opinion.

    Addition: Don't expect too much from people. This could be painful for you, i think.
     
  4. OP
    zp_91291

    zp_91291 Newbie

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    I just up disconnecting from own feelings until something negative forces me into feeling. Its been like this for a good 2 years.
     
  5. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    You cant wait for the negative feelings to take over, you have to be open to the good things too. I cut myself off from myself for quite a long time too. I was no better for it. If you cant connect with people, and here is a good place to start connecting by the way, connect with stories.
     
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  6. Roger

    Roger ...

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    Force crushes everything, i agree.
     
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  7. OP
    zp_91291

    zp_91291 Newbie

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    I know exactly what caused me to become like this. A couple years ago I was sexually harassed by a teacher and I seen it coming right away. It was nothing overt but a lot of trying to manipulate and damage my psyche. with mind games. I had to cut emotions off so he couldn't see that he was actually effecting me, and after i did he stopped the harrasment. It killed me inside because a lot of it was nonverbal and i felt like if I told they would dismiss it as misinterpretation. or no one would have believed me because he was the "cool teacher" Whatever the fuck that means. I even told some friends and the blew it over like it was nothing or i was overreacting. So it kind of put be in a bad funk and made me very distrustful.
     
  8. Roger

    Roger ...

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    ohh i am sorry for it. Did you see any therapist or any psych? I can understand how much awful it is for you. :hug:

    I hope you are feeling better now. If you need my help, i am here to listen you as your friend.
     
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  9. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    I can relate, I dont want this to turn into an an abuse support thread, because I dont want to derail it for you, but I was sexually abused from the time I was twelve to the time I was 17 by my father. At 17 I also lost my fiance, moved out, and closed off. While I was in that state, I let myself be attached to another man, who raped me constantly...I didnt see it as rape at the time, because we were dating, but later realized what really happened.

    For two years i was no one, nothing...a flesh bag...I was promiscuous, dangerous, and should have died...really. If I hadnt opened myself up, I wouldn't have met my husband, and had the only child I would ever have in this life...

    If you never open yourself back up to trust, you will never realize what you are capable of.
     
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  10. OP
    zp_91291

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    Yes, I have been to therapists before, but I feel like they distance themselves a bit. I kind of just want to hear things straightforward and I really don't like to beat around the bush (which i feel they do). I have got a few good close friends and I know they care, they just end up keeping quiet when i tell them emotionally heavy things. I need someone who fully understands and who can give me really good advice.


    Thanks you guys,

    I am starting to unwind a bit more since college started. I know there are some really good people out there : )

    I feel for you Entyqua, there are all kinds of people out there good and bad you just have start focusing on the good ones more,
     
    #10 zp_91291, Jan 14, 2010
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2010
  11. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    I refuse to talk to a therapist about this...they will judge you. I hate it.

    I can tell you that I FULLY understand...and i will talk with you as long as you need it.
     
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  12. OP
    zp_91291

    zp_91291 Newbie

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    I really appreciate you guys. Is there instant messaging on this thing?
     
  13. Entyqua

    Entyqua Forgotten
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    There is private messaging, Click on a user name above the avatar the option is there. There is a chat room, and there is an offsite chatroom.
     
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  14. Trifoilum

    Trifoilum find wisdom, build hope.

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    .....I feel bad myself.

    People have a lot of bad, worse, unimaginable experiences here...

    ....I feel terribly bad and immature and weak for my own actions xO They all seems so..immature. So.... selfish.

    I used to detach before, but it's only due to some discomfort unworthy compared to what Entyqua, zp_91291, and possibly many others here (I hope I WAS COMPLETELY WRONG); it's like, wha? "OMG I sense hostility does s/he hate me?"

    *buries self*

    In the end.. Yes, I experienced empathy and sensing other people's feelings, or reading the atmosphere, and it usually affects me according to what emotions were being felt. If it's a good emotion such as joy and happiness, similar reactions will follow, and vice versa. Detachment usually comes when in one or other ways it's becoming unbearable.
     
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  15. Gaze

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    Sorry to heard this happened. :( Best of luck.
     
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  16. Gaze

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    Sorry to hear this happened. I hope you find a good counselor who is trustworthy. I know the feeling of people treating feelings as misunderstandings. It's hard. I was a sensitive person much of my life, quite naive, and too trusting. I've experienced some emotional abuse but problem is emotional abuse is easily dismissed because there is usually nothing physical to connect it with unless physical abuse accompanies it. So, most who are emotionally abused or manipulated are made to feel as if it's not real or it's their fault, they're "seeing things" so to speak. So, you're not alone. : )
     
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