Contrary much? | INFJ Forum

Contrary much?

Discussion in 'Relationships and Sociology' started by wonderer12, Apr 24, 2010.

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  1. wonderer12

    wonderer12 Newbie

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    Convictions are something I have always held dear, for in a way they are what make us who we are. But more often than not, the convictions I have are so contrary to the norm. I am perfectly capable of saying no to things I feel uncomfortable with, but afterwards, I always feel as if something is wrong with me-- "If no one else has a problem with this, then why should I?" I have so much trouble reconciling the truths I hold in my heart with the truths others believe in. Does anyone else identify?
     
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  2. GaiaGraha

    GaiaGraha Community Member

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    I can definitely identify with this.
    I seem to have much stricter morals then everyone else I know. Or just really different than a lot of people.
    Sometimes so much so that people think it's kind of ridiculous.
    So sometimes I wonder if I really am being ridiculous.
    But, to me, some things are just clearly right and wrong, and I can feel it in my gut.

    So.....I hear ya. :/
     
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  3. Gaze

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    Yes, struggled with this quite a bit. When I felt strongly about something, I couldn't understand why others didn't feel the same or support what I felt or believed. And so, I began to question myself, especially the need to hold to these convictions especially if they weren't popular or accepted, just to get along. As a result, I questioned whether I should be fighting or defending my feelings or convictions about an issue, however right I believed I was, as it lead to conflict. But I've felt guilty over the years not speaking out about my convictions because I was too worried about what people thought or would say. I worried about being mocked, ignored, dismissed, or demeaned because of it. But I also realize that speaking out about convictions requires wisdom. It's not always about the right to express feelings. In many cases, it was how it was said which was the issue. Not that I needed to change my convictions to fit anyone. But I needed to adapt my delivery of the message/my conviction in a manner they would likely understand or appreciate, in a manner which showed respect or understanding of how they felt and why.

    As they say, it's not what you say, it's how you say it. But of course, it's also important to recognize that sometimes it's "what" is said which matters, not "how". So, we can't get too comfortable with the idea that people should dismiss the "what" (the importance of the message/conviction being sent) because we are too focused on the "how" (the way it is presented by the speaker/messenger), nor can we dismiss the "how" (how we communicate the message), because we are focused on the "what" (the message we are striving to communicate).
     
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    #3 Gaze, Apr 24, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2010
  4. Flavus Aquila

    Flavus Aquila Finding My Place in the Sun
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    I streneously resist my inclination to conform to values I don't hold. Once in a while, when I don't I'll be devastated for weeks.
     
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