Confused by a girl
- Thread starter jimtaylor
- Start date
Haha ok everybody is going to hate me for this response but I have to say it. It is true confidence is sexy, no doubt. I cannot argue that but isn't her, as you mentioned, self-esteem issue a lack of self confidence therefore unattractive? Confidence in women is just as attractive as it is in men or at least I think so. I mean in some ways isn't a girl giving subtle hints just as bad or unattractive as the guy who pretends to be a friend hoping that a girl will see how amazing he is, instead of just stating outright that he likes her? This is not just specific to my example but any event like this. I mean isn't it a bit one sided to expect the guy to intiate and be confident but then the girl does not have to be?
I know, social norms and everything. Guy bash girl with club, that is how it always been and always be until fire god come down and burn up world. Haha I mean it really isn't all that hard to wink at a guy across the room and then wait for him to walk up and start a conversation from nothing. It is still the guy chasing and the girl being chased, still just a game. Just a thought, not saying it's good or bad, just interesting because I don't know, it just doesn't feel natural for me to chase or be chased.
I mean like I have gone to parties and walked up to a girl, chatted her up and then made out with her. Doing that has always felt empty and honestly not all that exciting. It felt good but it was just physical. Then there was another time that I sat down next to a girl with a group of friends. We started talking about personal stuff and after an hour and a half of that, we started making out and that felt amazing. It wasn't like I chased or she chased, it was just a mutual connection and it felt right. It wasn't about making sure I was looking her in the eyes, asking the right questions, scoring or any of that. It just happened and it has happened two other times and all three times it has felt great. If any of that makes sense.
I have told her I like her, that I find her attractive, etc... but what I have not been clear on is my intentions of this like which is my fault. I need to express that better and I will do so even if that is telling her I don't want to rush into anything.
Dude, if you like the girl, go for it. If you don't, don't.
And yes, there is very much a double-standard and there's a lot of sociological ground to cover if you want to unpackage this topic in full. But the short of it is this: women are taught to play coy and hard to get because most men like the chase; that's why they typically wait for a guy to make a move. You can argue that it's more of a social construct than purely a self-esteem issue.
That being said, however, there are other ways you can get a guy's attention other than sending him half-naked pics or blatantly trying to make him jealous by talking about other guys you're interested in. Personally, I don't find that particular behavior very classy.
Either way, it seems to me you're over-thinking this way too much. Tell her you don't want to rush into things, if that's the case, and see where this path takes you. That's it.
And yes, there is very much a double-standard and there's a lot of sociological ground to cover if you want to unpackage this topic in full. But the short of it is this: women are taught to play coy and hard to get because most men like the chase; that's why they typically wait for a guy to make a move. You can argue that it's more of a social construct than purely a self-esteem issue.
That being said, however, there are other ways you can get a guy's attention other than sending him half-naked pics or blatantly trying to make him jealous by talking about other guys you're interested in. Personally, I don't find that particular behavior very classy.
Either way, it seems to me you're over-thinking this way too much. Tell her you don't want to rush into things, if that's the case, and see where this path takes you. That's it.
I understand. I'm working on the over thinking part of myself, some days are better than others. Breaking ones conditioning can be a fucking scary thing.
Isn't dating and getting to know somebody the same thing? You go out with somebody to see if you are compatible and there are no guarentees that either person will want to make that dating exclusive or in other words start a relationship. I don't know many individuals who are willing to commit to a relationship from the start and if they are, that's not very smart.
Like I know for sure I am ready to date at this moment but am I willing to commit to a relationship with a girl who I am still getting to know and has thrown up a couple red flags, nope. Am I willing to go on a couple dates to see if it was just all her trying to say, "I like you" and she is actually the most awesome girl alive, yes. Am I myself throwing up some red flags and making some rookie mistake, fuck yes. Am I perhaps confusing the shit out of her more than she is confusing me, probably. Did I see that before, nope, do I see that now, yes. Am I going to now try to fix that and stop myself from doing the same in the future, yes.
Sometimes it helps to get some outside perspective, even if it is just a stop being a "dumb ass and kiss her already". I'm learning, I will get there eventually. I'm a slow stubborn learner.
I wouldnt say so, dating usually means there is some sort of romantic attachment or an expectation of it, getting to know someone else has very little to no expectations other than that which is stated, getting to know someone. Trust me, in the world of dating, they are huge differences.
I know a LOT of people who are willing to jump right in, myself included (once upon a time) it may not be logical but when you know you like somebody you know you like somebody.
see that just the thing, the person you are going on dates with is going to be a polished version of the person youre in a relationship with ultimately, thats why I dont "date" I just keep my options open and keep things moving, much better to have choices to pick from than 1 person to wrap all your hopes up in. When you are just seeing someone, not dating them you have no obligation to stop seeing other people unless you begin to date, at which point all bets are off.
See I never understood the huge romantic gesture things, sometimes its easier and more intense to slowly draw it out with a conversation that gets heavier and heavier until kissing seems like a foregone conclusion. Just get used to talking to her about things like that it will work to your advantage.
I don't know why she is bringing up other men like that, seems kinda foolish but I think she's trying to make you a little jealous. I don't know though, if you like her make a move. If she brings up other men just tell her you don't like her talking about other men, ever around you. Be an ass about it, like possessive. If she doesn't run she's a keeper...right RIGHT? LOL, just kidding about the last part.
After reading the opening post two things popped into my mind:
Then after reading the following discussion - man, you really over-analyze the stuff and that is the biggest turn off for girls
Less words, more action - that what builds the attraction.
And seriously, there will never be any guarantees that she's right for you or at least worthy of attention. So stop chasing for the impossible.
- You're being friend-zoned
- She might even think you're gay because she treats you like a girlfriend
Then after reading the following discussion - man, you really over-analyze the stuff and that is the biggest turn off for girls
Less words, more action - that what builds the attraction.And seriously, there will never be any guarantees that she's right for you or at least worthy of attention. So stop chasing for the impossible.
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And girls in their right mind do not start talking about the other guy they like the other minute. Seems she just wanted validation that she's sexy in those photos. And right after that she probably sent them over to the guy she really likes.
Or more likely she sent the same picture to 5 or so guys and was having a conversation with each of them. lol
She could be hooking up with people out of state currently too. Look, she may be physically attractive, but I'm gonna assume you're a nice guy with a level head on your shoulders. Forget this girl, there are plenty of better ones out there and if you really can't decide by now, its your subconscious saying "No." She seems to have little class and is slightly immature. You don't want that in a girl, do you?
Wow this blew up a lot more than I thought it would.... A lot varying opinions, just like the ones I was debating with internally. I decided to go talk to some of my buddies about her and they all said the same thing, "crazy, stay the f*** away from her. Drop the phone and run in the other direction."
If she really liked you, then you would definitely know... girls who are worth it tend not to play ridiculous, manipulative games like 'let's see how jealous I can make you' in order to get you to like them.
I agree, she sounds extremely immature and to be honest I don't think you're going to find 'more' than sex with her, because it doesn't sound like it's there.
A rule of thumb:
If she says no flat out, she at least deserves your respect for being honest.
If she makes herself available to you/is focused on you/takes an interest in your interests, etc, you know the drill, then it's probably a yes.
If you're confused, then chances are it's a no and you should start putting distance between you, unless you're up for some meaningless, aimless sex, which obviously isn't always a bad thing... but probably won't happen anyways unless you're a player too.
The absolute worst thing you can do is let these kinds of people string you along for months/years, because they absolutely will and you'll hate yourself for it.
I agree, she sounds extremely immature and to be honest I don't think you're going to find 'more' than sex with her, because it doesn't sound like it's there.
A rule of thumb:
If she says no flat out, she at least deserves your respect for being honest.
If she makes herself available to you/is focused on you/takes an interest in your interests, etc, you know the drill, then it's probably a yes.
If you're confused, then chances are it's a no and you should start putting distance between you, unless you're up for some meaningless, aimless sex, which obviously isn't always a bad thing... but probably won't happen anyways unless you're a player too.
The absolute worst thing you can do is let these kinds of people string you along for months/years, because they absolutely will and you'll hate yourself for it.