Can trust really be earned FULLY back? | Page 2 | INFJ Forum

Can trust really be earned FULLY back?

Bellosome said:
so, since trusting is common denominator for us all, i was wondering if anyone has ever trusted someone back fully after it was broken? what made you trust them again? how long did it take? can you honestly say that you will never doubt them again? since you've given your trust back 100%.

because to me, im not really sure if i can. i have trust issues to begin with and for me to give it and then have it broken, i wont give it back anymore. i could forgive, sure, but i wont trust them anymore. or if ever i will, there'll always be a shadow of doubt.
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Any time I meet someone new, I give them an equal chance to earn my trust. I don't know them well enough to trust them at the get-go. If I see they cannot be trusted, say with keeping secrets, then I no longer tell them secrets. They showed me who they were and I adjusted. If I was very very close to them and they broke my trust, I might be willing to 'begin' trusting them again. The trust would then need to be earned again. I might be willing to do this IF that person was really remorseful at breaking my trust--did not have a history of it--and understood that the trust between us was broken and is the 'process' of being rebuilt. And it would take what ever amount of time it would take.

My husband cheated on me. And after much, MUCH discussion, I decided to stay. He was remorseful. He understood how hurt I was. He patiently listened as I cried and answered every question. You ask, "What made me trust them again?" My decision to do so and time that evidenced he was being true. This impacted our marriage for about 7 years. My emotions were all over the place. I told him I would not 'check on him, spy, or follow him.' But if it ever happened again--if he could ever hurt me that way again--seeing how wounded I was--that there would be no discussion. I would just leave. Yes, today I trust him 100%.

And strangely, I am glad it happened. It made us both more attentive to our marriage and each other. I saw some areas of myself that I could change and did. Today we have a great marriage, and I'm so glad we worked through it.
 
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Nope. On the very rare occasion I allow myself to trust someone and that trust is broken there is nothing that can be said or done to change my decision.
 
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I trust people again and again all the time. I believe in second chances/giving everyone a shot. Even the most well-meaning people in my life still hurt me one way or another (and vice versa) ... Life is better with love and forgiveness
 
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Probably not. Not fully. But part of it depends on the level of trust.
 
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Bellosome said:
so, since trusting is common denominator for us all, i was wondering if anyone has ever trusted someone back fully after it was broken? what made you trust them again? how long did it take? can you honestly say that you will never doubt them again? since you've given your trust back 100%.

because to me, im not really sure if i can. i have trust issues to begin with and for me to give it and then have it broken, i wont give it back anymore. i could forgive, sure, but i wont trust them anymore. or if ever i will, there'll always be a shadow of doubt.
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Depends on how much I love and care for them. Of course this has backfired in the past, but I'm sort of a naive idealist who never stops believing people are inherently good. However, there are some things which I cannot forgive and which have led to the so-called "infamous infj doorslam" (idk how much truth is to that concept and idk if that makes me a bad person).
@Scientia wrote the same, but in a more eloquent way.

Scientia said:
I can and have rebuilt trust but it's a very slow process with me. [...]
Life, in my opinion, is messy. The more you can figure out how to forgive, be flexible while staying true to who you are, and work with someone to stay connected, even if it's to a lesser degree than before, the more you will be happy with your relationships and possibly yourself. My take on this is:
Be strong in who you are but don't close the door unless it's so egregious that you have to in order to preserve your inner self.
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For me, no. I can still love/like/enjoy a person, but the level of trust has changed. I no longer have faith in the person in the sense that they are not exactly who I thought they were. I'm not just talking about romantic relationships. I mean anything. Family, friendship etc.
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For me it really depends on the context of the betrayal and the motivations behind it. It is possible that a friend revealed information he shouldn't have because he thought it would improve some other, more important issue in his eyes. It would still be a clear breach of trust - but if I can make sense of why, and the "good" intentions behind it (gone awry), then perhaps I might be able to trust again. It will depend on the case.

I would agree that trusting somebody else 100% is something relative, ultimately. It's human to reveal information without meaning to, on occasion... to make a mistake, basically. Here the deliberateness of the breach will have a big impact on whether I can trust again.

But if there is deliberateness of intention not even salvaged by an originally "noble" motive, then I think it would be wise to never give full trust again. And this probably includes most cases of serious betrayals of trust. In these cases, I will strive to forgive but won't give my trust back. Kind-hearted but with self-respect.
 
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Ren said:
It will depend on the case.
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Lol this makes me laugh. The mantra of the infj, and the source of all non-infjs confusion regarding infjs.

For most everyone though, as humans we generally operate on a case by case basis.
 
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I trust God and my husband....everyone else....well....:tonguewink:

If I have knowingly shared personal/confidential information with someone and they then break my trust...I will take partial responsibility for not paying attention to my gut about said person. This rarely ever happens and if it did then....well...

Is it possible to rebuild the trust - in some instances - yes/no. Conflict should bring people together but it all depends on whether the individual who broke the trust is able to honestly and willingly look at themselves and rectify the reasons for breaking trust - only time will tell.
 
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Once trust is gone, its gone. In fact, the relationship is gone as well. I once knew a narcissist who lied to me for what ever reason. When I called him on it, he was confused. He said that he was certain I trusted him, but I didn't have faith in him when actually it was the complete opposite. Not only could I never trust him again, I had faith that he would never change. Right on both counts.
Maybe trusting again is for other personality types, but trust is stability as far as I am concerned. Forgiveness is another issue. I can forgive and hope to be forgiven, but to fully trust again, probably not, and that would be a moot point because the relationship would be over or cooled to the point of only cordiality at best.
 
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.... you’ll never fully have my trust anyway... so this is a moot point for me...
 
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Bellosome said:
so, since trusting is common denominator for us all, i was wondering if anyone has ever trusted someone back fully after it was broken? what made you trust them again? how long did it take? can you honestly say that you will never doubt them again? since you've given your trust back 100%.

because to me, im not really sure if i can. i have trust issues to begin with and for me to give it and then have it broken, i wont give it back anymore. i could forgive, sure, but i wont trust them anymore. or if ever i will, there'll always be a shadow of doubt.
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It can be earned back, but it might take years, or even decades.
 
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