Can a man be passive in most areas of life but dominant in the bedroom?

[Artemisia]

I've seen this with a few men (and my friends can attest to others). The guy is sweet, helpful around the home, proud to have a gf/wife who is a career woman, and in general lets the woman lead in the relationship. But in bed he is very dominant and likes it that way.

Is this normal among the general male population or is it an anomaly?

 

[La Sagna]

Who decides what is normal or abnormal?

I would assume that most men are not aware of exactly how other men are in their sexual relations, only from whatever they may report to each other, and that is likely to be more for show or entertainment, and not necessarily accurate.

As for a woman, for her to be able to ascertain if this is 'normal' in the general male population, she would have to have had an extensive amount of experience with many men, and even if that were the case her samples would be biased by her own preferences as well as the types of men she attracts.

The dynamic between two particular individuals would likely also influence the way sexual relations develop. A man might be the way you describe with one woman but different with another, depending how he feels around her, or the messages that she gives off and her own preferences.

May I gently suggest that perhaps you need to stop categorizing men and making them into people that can be sorted and treated as samples of what is 'normal' or 'abnormal'.
All men are individuals, they all act in their very own individual way, and they all act differently in different circumstances and with different people.
You are doing men, and yourself, a big disfavour by trying to make them into specimens to study, instead of individual human beings who all deserve more than to be arbitrarily thrown into categories.

 

[Artemisia]

Who decides what is normal or abnormal?

I would assume that most men are not aware of exactly how other men are in their sexual relations, only from whatever they may report to each other, and that is likely to be more for show or entertainment, and not necessarily accurate.

As for a woman, for her to be able to ascertain if this is 'normal' in the general male population, she would have to have had an extensive amount of experience with many men, and even if that were the case her samples would be biased by her own preferences as well as the types of men she attracts.

The dynamic between two particular individuals would likely also influence the way sexual relations develop. A man might be the way you describe with one woman but different with another, depending how he feels around her, or the messages that she gives off and her own preferences.

May I gently suggest that perhaps you need to stop categorizing men and making them into people that can be sorted and treated as samples of what is 'normal' or 'abnormal'.
All men are individuals, they all act in their very own individual way, and they all act differently in different circumstances and with different people.
You are doing men, and yourself, a big disfavour by trying to make them into specimens to study, instead of individual human beings who all deserve more than to be arbitrarily thrown into categories.

I did not ask you to go into a diatribe about what is normal and what is abnormal in males or females. And we all know that both men and women are individuals.

My question was more about how certain men are passive in most areas of life but dominant in the bedroom. There are also plenty of powerful so-called alpha males who are passive in the bedroom. There is a deeper reason for this. If you don't have an answer to the question and can't understand deeper psychological drives, it would be best if you did not answer the question. Frankly, you sound offended and annoyed.

 

[La Sagna]

I did not ask you to go into a diatribe about what is normal and what is abnormal in males or females. And we all know that both men and women are individuals.

My question was more about how certain men are passive in most areas of life but dominant in the bedroom. There are also plenty of powerful so-called alpha males who are passive in the bedroom. There is a deeper reason for this. If you don't have an answer to the question and can't understand deeper psychological drives, it would be best if you did not answer the question. Frankly, you sound offended and annoyed.

I was trying to help you.
You have posted many things on here asking for advice about men, and from my observations you generally are only looking for answer that back up your biases.
All your posts treat men like they're objects to be observed and categorized, or to be manipulated.
Your experiences with men are a direct result of your own biases and you keep coming on here to get people to back up those biases.
I find your posts very immature and I was trying to point you in a healthier direction.
I will not comment anymore as you are not open to a healthy discussion on the matter.
Good luck!

Edit: Ok, one more comment: If you care about yourself at all you would not have unprotected sex with someone you just met. That is a very dangerous practice.

 

[Stu]

I've seen this with a few men (and my friends can attest to others). The guy is sweet, helpful around the home, proud to have a gf/wife who is a career woman, and in general lets the woman lead in the relationship. But in bed he is very dominant and likes it that way.

Is this normal among the general male population or is it an anomaly?

While kinda old and having been married for a couple of decades I gotta say that being dominant in life never held much appeal. I could give a flying fuck about what the men around me think of my position in life, never plotted for the acquisition of wealth or power and have always recognized the importance of applying myself to the nurturing of my family and the maintenance of the home, domestically (cooking, cleaning, laundry). I fully support my spouses business and revel in the fact that she is now bringing in more then me.

While not a "Dom" I have always, since early adulthood, been aggressive in bed, as much as my partners would allow, that is not to say I don't appreciate not having to be.
http://www.infjs.com/member.php?14023

 

[Artemisia]

I was trying to help you.
You have posted many things on here asking for advice about men, and from my observations you generally are only looking for answer that back up your biases.
All your posts treat men like they're objects to be observed and categorized, or to be manipulated.
Your experiences with men are a direct result of your own biases and you keep coming on here to get people to back up those biases.
I find your posts very immature and I was trying to point you in a healthier direction.
I will not comment anymore as you are not open to a healthy discussion on the matter.
Good luck!

Edit: Ok, one more comment: If you care about yourself at all you would not have unprotected sex with someone you just met. That is a very dangerous practice.

Perhaps you are not intellectual enough to realize that a lot of my posts are not asking for advice. I did not start this thread to ask for advice! There is something called a philosophical question, which is more about understanding human nature than asking for solutions. But then again, a lot of people don't even know what philosophy is so how can one expect you to understand. If you are over 40, as your profile says, I feel sorry for you because a lot of 20-year-olds in the forum are better equipped to understand these things.

 

[Artemisia]

While kinda old and having been married for a couple of decades I gotta say that being dominant in life never held much appeal. I could give a flying fuck about what the men around me think of my position in life, never plotted for the acquisition of wealth or power and have always recognized the importance of applying myself to the nurturing of my family and the maintenance of the home, domestically (cooking, cleaning, laundry). I fully support my spouses business and revel in the fact that she is now bringing in more then me.

While not a "Dom" I have always, since early adulthood, been aggressive in bed, as much as my partners would allow, that is not to say I don't appreciate not having to be.

Do you think this is an INFJ aspect or an introvert aspect? Because I know a couple of INTJs who think along similar lines.

 

[Flavus Aquila]

I was trying to help you.
You have posted many things on here asking for advice about men, and from my observations you generally are only looking for answer that back up your biases.
All your posts treat men like they're objects to be observed and categorized, or to be manipulated.
Your experiences with men are a direct result of your own biases and you keep coming on here to get people to back up those biases.
I find your posts very immature and I was trying to point you in a healthier direction.
I will not comment anymore as you are not open to a healthy discussion on the matter.
Good luck!

Edit: Ok, one more comment: If you care about yourself at all you would not have unprotected sex with someone you just met. That is a very dangerous practice.

She's obviously INTJ, not INFJ. Categorising isn't bad in and of itself, as long as the individual informs the category and the category doesn't bias against the individual.

Anyhow, my guess is that Artemisia isn't a a stereotypical female; and I would also guess that there is probably a dissonance between what she wants intellectually from a male companion and what she emotionally desires from a male companion. It may be a case that she just needs to find someone who is equal to her in every respect.

 

[j654dgj7]

I don't know.

 

[La Sagna]

Perhaps you are not intellectual enough to realize that a lot of my posts are not asking for advice. I did not start this thread to ask for advice! There is something called a philosophical question, which is more about understanding human nature than asking for solutions. But then again, a lot of people don't even know what philosophy is so how can one expect you to understand. If you are over 40, as your profile says, I feel sorry for you because a lot of 20-year-olds in the forum are better equipped to understand these things.

No need to feel sorry for me, as I have no doubt that I could run laps around you when it comes to philosophical discussions, and that my level of understanding of human nature is light years ahead of yours. 'Intellectual' is not the vibe that I personally get from any of your posts. In my opinion, true intellectuals are able to have discussions with people who have opposing views without getting defensive and insulting...and capable of talking about more than men and sex.

Don't worry, I'm completely done reading any of your forum posts. They are a total waste of time.

 

[hush]

Yeah. Let's be civil, please. We are all adults here and can manage that, I hope.

 

[Artemisia]

No need to feel sorry for me, as I have no doubt that I could run laps around you when it comes to philosophical discussions, and that my level of understanding of human nature is light years ahead of yours. 'Intellectual' is not the vibe that I personally get from any of your posts. In my opinion, true intellectuals are able to have discussions with people who have opposing views without getting defensive and insulting...and capable of talking about more than men and sex.

Don't worry, I'm completely done reading any of your forum posts. They are a total waste of time.

Clearly you are a chump when it comes to philosophical discussions. I'm sure you've published a lot on the topic and you are also a professional psychologist who understands human nature.
By the way, you do realize you are talking to an academic, right? If you don't know what you need to become one, you may want to find out.

In any case, I came here to get opinions about this topic, not advice on what I should do. As I said earlier, not every thread topic is about finding a solution to a problem. And no, I am not an INTJ. I actually took the written test for work and tested as INFJ (twice).

 

[hush]

Clearly you are a chump when it comes to philosophical discussions. I'm sure you've published a lot on the topic and you are also a professional psychologist who understands human nature.
By the way, you do realize you are talking to an academic, right? If you don't know what you need to become one, you may want to find out.

In any case, I came here to get opinions about this topic, not advice on what I should do. As I said earlier, not every thread topic is about finding a solution to a problem. And no, I am not an INTJ. I actually took the written test for work and tested as INFJ (twice).

Cool it with the chump business, please. Insulting each other lends nothing to worthwhile discussion.

 

[JJJA]

"Can a man do this. Can a man be that."

Just do a google search and save the moderators another headache.

 

[Artemisia]

Cool it with the chump business, please. Insulting each other lends nothing to worthwhile discussion.

OK. Let's get back to the topic then.

 

[Elegant Winter]

I don't have much experience, but I feel like it's normal. A lot of men are drawn to the traditional male role and that entails control in the bedroom.

As for being passive in other parts of life, maybe it's a byproduct of the energetic liberal assault on white men? Maybe it's taking its toll. Maybe these white men are subconsciously convinced of their own awfulness. And maybe they want to alleviate their own feelings of guilt and shame by being kinder and more considerate. At least they're not sterilizing themselves though. Anyway, liberal propaganda is nearly all-pervasive and I can't imagine white men are particularly happy with being constantly vilified.

It's not politically correct to even date white men honestly. Consorting with the enemy and all that. It's probably not even right to acknowledge their existences at the moment. According to liberal propaganda, anyway. Well, I had fun theorizing. Who knows what the actual answer is? I have a feeling that someone more experienced than I will add a wonderfully thoughtful post in the near future though.

 

[hush]

OK. Let's get back to the topic then.

Indeed.

 

[Wolfskillian]

Men are as different in personality and preferences as women are. Some like to dominate at work and then be dominated around at home. Some like the reverse. Personal, I think it would get very old to be dominant or to be dominated all the time.

For myself, I like balance in all areas of my life, including the bedroom. Give and take. This is just one man's opinion.

 

[Wolfskillian]

Regardless of what mbti type you are, you shouldn't always trust what your friends say. How they perceive a situation could be entirely different how you would perceive it if you went through their experiences. Learn to trust yourself.

 

[Wolfskillian]

Perhaps you are not intellectual enough to realize that a lot of my posts are not asking for advice. I did not start this thread to ask for advice! There is something called a philosophical question, which is more about understanding human nature than asking for solutions. But then again, a lot of people don't even know what philosophy is so how can one expect you to understand. If you are over 40, as your profile says, I feel sorry for you because a lot of 20-year-olds in the forum are better equipped to understand these things.

Wow. Just wow. Argumentative much? You realize that you're backing yourself into a corner and many of these wonderful people here do not take kindly to attitude you like to throw around. If you genuinely want a discussion on the subject, don't treat people like this. It's disgusting and childish behavior.